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Hi all
First of all I am new at this and its quite a long story so apologies in advance,me and my ex had a on/off relationship for just over 2 and a half years,we split up a few days after New Year,since then I have headed in a downward spiral and have let my son down massively who is 18 mths old,i am ashamed to say that I walked away from him as the texts/emails and constant abuse off his mum got me to the stage where I could take no more,it has been 10 weeks now since I last saw him and the pain is unbearable even though I took the choice to walk away,i was seeing my son twice a month due to the distance between us as that's all I could afford,since last seeing him I keep saying to myself that maybe he may be better off without me because I admit I let his mum down a number of times when we were together and I have let my son down this year. When I had my son this which was overnight aswell his mum demanded to know where he was,what time he went to bed etc etc,it was my time with my son and she did not give me any peace to have with him,i just have no idea which way to turn.
Hi there Lewy
I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time, we on here do understand how bad it can be when dealing with an abusive resident parent....sometimes a little bit of breathing space can be a good thing...it gives you the chance to take stock and regroup.
You have come here I think, because you want to be a part of your sons life, it's not too late.
The distance between you makes contact more difficult but it can work.
It might be worth writing to the mother and asking if you can work something out. Tell her how much you want to be a part of your sons life and point out that he needs his daddy in his life and that stopping you from having contact is also punishing him too. Tell her that you think she is a good mum and all you want is to be a good dad....try the friendly approach.
If this fails then the accepted first step would be mediation, you would need to attend a mediation service close to where she lives though. Funding is still available for mediation if you are on benefits or a low income.
Court should always be the last resort but you will find lots of useful info in the stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section should things take this course.
Please don't beat yourself up, you haven't been given a chance to show what a great dad you are. Your little boy is too young to remember this time in his life and with any luck you can get this situation sorted out so that he need never know about this little blip in his life.
Hi Lewy,
I read your painful plea for help, not as an indictment on you as a father, rather as someone not coping.
I see three clear stages of actions that are needed, the first is to help you deal with the second and third:
1. You need to seek professional help from someone who can help you develop appropriate strategies and techniques for communicating with and managing a relationship with your ex so that you can perform the role of father that you so much aspire to. It should also be someone who can help you to cope with the raw emotions you are feeling, and how in this instance you should control them;
2. Seek mediation - in a neutral setting, where there's openness, honesty, calm and a clear outcome being sought; and, if this fails,
3. Legal recourse. A good family lawyer or citizens advice - some family lawyers work on pro bono circuits, just take a look online.
All of this requires exceptional courage and inner strength on your part. Stop attributing negativity to your actions, just look to a positive future. So, stay focused, stick to what is right, seek that which is only fair and just, do not resort to using emotional weapons.
I wish you a positive resolution and peace, to be with your son and to be the best father you can be.
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