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hi
i need alittle advice
i have 3 boys aged 9,7 and 6. i need some help me and my partner split 3yrs ago and i had to go to court to get a contact order as she would not let me see my boys. i managed to get a court order to say i can see my boys once aweek for tea, alternative weekends friday to monday and half of the school holidays. when the order was signed up things went great but ayear later im finding that she is changing everything in the court order and i dont know how to go about stopping her from doing this as my boys dont know if they are coming or going.i have been noticing that when my boys do get to see me they look really ill pale faced with dark circuls under they eyes. when i pick they up from school 2weeks ago my 6 year old was nearly in tears standing next to the teacher when i asked why? he said he didnt get much sleep the night before when i got them back to mine my 7yr old kept slamming himself in to the wall and was trowing himself of the chairs and sofa when i asked whyhe was trying to hurt himself he just said i want to kill myself my heart just sunk. when i spoke to my ex she said that my boys were in bed and asleep for 9pm and that my 7yr old always says that for attention i was unable to confront her as my boys were there and didnt want to upset them even more. and when i picked them up last week my 7yr old told me he had ran away while in the care of my ex`s mum. i asked why he did this but he wouldnt say he just said he didnt know and hes not to tell me . when i asked my ex about this via text she said she sent me a text message telling me he had ran away and it was nothing to do with me anyway as they are in her care and not mine. and yesterday i received an email from my ex telling me that my 7yr old dose not want to sleep over at mine due to him going back to her upset and distressed( the only time he gets upset and distressed is when its time to go back) and that her mum will be looking after him while she goes away with my 9yr old for a compotion abroad im not very happy about this as im scared that my 7yr old may run away again i dont know what to do i cant just stand back and do nothing while this is going on but dont know who can help me
please i need help
Hi and welcome to the forum.
I think the first step might be to have a word with the school, they see your children for long periods so they may spot any problems. They should also have trained pastoral care worker, which is someone your children can speak to in total confidence, so ask the school if the pastoral care worker can take your son to one side for a short session each weak (it may take a few weeks for your son to open up) - bear in mind, that unless your son asks the worker to speak to you, you won't know what is being said either, but at least you know he's getting support. Your son doesn't necessarily even need to know that you have asked for help. The worker should, I believe, be able to speak to Chidren's Services if there are any serious issues, but it may be worth you having a word with them yourself anyway.
One thing I can say for certain, at the moment you are at the stage of feeling helpless. Once you have started taking action, you will feel a lot better.
Hi Tommy,
welcome to the site,
I agree with actd, have a word with the school if something is troubling your son they will have noticed i'm sure.
one thing to add is that my step son (8yrs old) will also come out with the whole "I want to kill myself" I don't know where they get it from but seems go be pretty comon from talking to other perants in the play ground, however if your concerned i'd mention this to the school too as maybe it could be discussed with him.
He must be feeling very troubled at the moment and that must be worrying for you but as actd says once you start to take action you will hopefully start to feel better about things.
keep us up dated
Darren
hi actd and darren
thanks for your advice
i have been into school and thay have told me thay my 7yr old is having problems with his reading and maths and they have also said he has become quiter over the past 3mouths as if hes been told not to say anything(they were her words) and she thinks this is not to do with school but infact home life so when i tried to get my point across she did not want to know i felt as she was blaming me i told her that when i try to help my son read he tells me hes not allowed he can only read with his mum and grandma the teacher just giggled and said thats just a childs trick. but its not my ex used to take the boys reading books from them before they would come to mine. the teacher said i should try and sit down and talk to him as something is bothering him. i just want to tell her i already new that but how can i talk to him when he will be at his grandmas this weekend 😡 because my ex and her mum are trying to keep him away from me. i feel that the school will not help me at all so what else can i do
Hi,
Sorry to hear of your problems, it cant be nice.
The response of the teacher is unjust. The next step, depending on school size would be to go to either the head or head of year. Dont let them fob you off. I know that the school will have help available, one of my daughters was given support when I made the school aware of home problems and she was a bit withdrawn.
Most schools take this sort of thing seriously, so hang in there. I wouldnt push your son for reasons though, just mke sure he knows you are there to listen to him if he feels he can. Sounds like he's having a tough time.
Couild you ask the school for some current level books on loan to keep at your house for reading?
Good luck
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