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Okay, so before I get into it, a bit of background - I work from home, have done since June 2014 and to some extent it's the best thing I ever did, I get to see my son every day (he recently turned 2).
I'm in a relationship with an older woman, she has two children from her pervious marriage, she doesn't get any financial support from her ex husband, she's not working either as we had our son together and left her job after maternity in February 2014.
Working from home is great, but I don't feel appreciated for the things I do and the reasons are as follows:
- I don't get enough sleep as it is and my two step children (11 and 15) make a lot of noise in the mornings which wakes me up, so I'm only averaging 4 - 6 hours a night at best
- My son currently sleeps in the bed with me and my partner and as babies do, they like to spread out, so I end up sleeping in the gap between the bed and the wall, not comfortable
- My step son who's 11, is very materialistic, loves the thrill of spending money and if he doesn't get his own way, he acts like a brat
- My partner and her daughter don't get on, especially recently, they've been having a mass of arguments, especially in the mornings when the kids are getting ready for school.
I'm straying off topic slightly, back to the main point - I often get my partner telling me that she 'works harder than me', it feels like she is competing with me, yes, I admit she does a lot around the house, whilst looking after her son, but I don't think she grasps the concept that I'm working from home and I 'need to concentrate on my work'.
The things bugging me at the moment really, are that
- she will talk to me a lot during the day
- she doesn't occupy our son enough - so he ends up coming to me to read him books, or play with him - he's two, he wants my attention and I love him more than anything, but I just simply can't be in two places at once.
- My partner seems to think that the house work is more important than my work (which earns a very good salary each month)
I feel in some way that she is neglecting our son and is finding reasons or things to do, to not spend time with him during the day - I don't understand why that would be the case, but really, I feel very much, that I'm not supported enough and that I'm not appreciated enough.
I've had in the past fro her two older children 'you're not my dad, you shouldn't be here', and all the while, it's okay for me to be working my nuts off, providing everything.
Rant over, any thoughts?
I'd probably start by getting your son in his own bed that's not good for any relationship having a baby sleeping in bed with you as you don't get anytime to yourselves and you will get more sleep for sure.
My ex started having her daughter in bed with us and it ended up a massive strain on the relationship as we never got any time together it did finally end up me finishing her over it she still has her in bed with her and she's 7 now!
Our daughter turns 2 next month and she's already in her own room and sleeping in her own toddler bed it makes life so much easier as I love it when she's asleep as I can do as I please for the rest of the night.
Do you have your own office at home? Do you go out as a family much?
I agree with Slim, you need to get your son into his own bed - it might involve a few nights with you sleeping with him in his room to settle him in, but then you can leave him once he's asleep.
As for work, how about agreeing with your partner that you do 2 hours work and then take a 30 minute break to talk to her and play with your son, and repeat that throughout the day, but insist that the 2 hour work periods must not be disturbed.
Thanks guys, really helpful.
I'll take these on board. Apologies for not replying sooner, I've been using the last few weekends converting the attic with my dad and we're at a stage where now we can sort the house out, so I'll be doing the following this week.
- Sorting out my sons room so he can sleep in his own bed.
- Do some bits in the attic / filling, sanding / painting and generally getting it closer to being liveable
In retrospect, I think once we have these things sorted, then it'l be easier in the house,
I will also definitely take on board to break up my work day to spend some time with my wife and son, but not sure half an hour at a time would be a good idea, I'm a production manager in the music industry and it's very demanding (hence I don't feel appreciated sometimes).
As for an office, the reason we're doing the attic conversion at the moment is to increase space in the house, I anticipate that once the attic is completed this weekend and we move the rooms around, we'll then be in a more comfortable position being that we'll effectively have maximised our space from a Two Double Bedroom house to a 4 bedroom house (2 doubles / 2 singles).
Again, thank you both for your help, it was getting very stressful last week and I needed an outlet to vent.
Hi There,
.
It sounds as though you are taking some steps to make life easier, I agree about having your son in his own bed, this will make life better, it will probably take some unsettled nights with him coming in to your room, but just take him back, without talking to him and put him back into bed, sit with him again until he is asleep and things should improve.
.
With taking breaks throughout the day, this is a great idea, and you can play about with the times between them to suit, just give that some thought.
.
GTTS
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