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Hi Guys
Some advice would be most welcome. In November 2009 my wife of 20 years decided she would like to separate. We have two daughters aged 18 and 15. At the same time my father, who had terminal cancer was in hospital and died the week before Christmas. I suddenly found myself mourning the loss of my dad and marriage. After some detective work I found that my wife had been seeing someone else who was also married. As you can imagine Christmas and New Year were awful. In the last month or so I have come to accept that the marriage wasn't brilliant but was fixable. She certainly did not think so. We are fairly amicable to each other at the moment but I am one step away from losing my cool.
The kids have been OK and want to stay with me as they have lost their trust in my wife at present. I will need to buy my wife out of our property but this may take some time. She still lives part-time at home and this annoys me greatly. I really need her to leave, but with the mortgage to pay and rent for her this is not feasible at the moment. I have recently turned into a bit of a monster, trying to wreck the relationship she is in just to ease my mind. Its amazing what lengths you can go when you hurt as much as I do. The more I try to investigate, the more upset I am making the kids. I don't like what I am doing but it gives me a release. At the end of the day no good will come of it. I worry for my kids and how they may see me at the moment.
Please what can you suggest?
Ah man, sounds like you've had and are still having a rough ride. Just remember time is a great healer and as everyday passes the pain you feel now will lift, so rest assured there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will feel great again one day!
Not so much in the ways of advice but your girls are at an age where they'll understand what you're going through so take some time just to reassure them why you're feeling the way you are and ask for their understanding and patience until the storm passes.
All the best, keep us posted even if it is just for a rant and to let off some steam!!!
It sounds to me like you need to get out and build a life for yourself - this will have 2 benefits, firstly to move your focus away from your marriage, and onto yourself and your children, Secondly, once you are enjoying yourself, it will be the best revenge you can get on your ex.
If you're not ready for dating again, then go and do the things you've always wanted to do. Have fun.
Hi
Its always a bit corny but time is a great healer - Actd's advice is great why not go and do things that you want to do or spend some quality time with your girls.
I hope it sorts itself out and remember we wil always listen!!!
Mario
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