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Hi all - new to this forum, but felt I needed somewhere to vent my feelings and sense of pain I'm feeling right now.
My situation:
- Happily married for 7 years. Life is good.
- Have 2 daughters. Ages 5 and 1. Both healthy and the love of my life
- I grew up with 2 sisters. I was the middle child of the three
- I don't have what you might call a male best friend who is a constant figure in my life
When my second child was due I have to be honest I wanted for a son. Desperately so. I've always looked forward to nurturing a young boy into life and having a kindred spirit of sorts. We found out the [censored] of our child in advance so that we could best prepare and in part so that I could handle the situation if it was a girl. To be honest I would have struggled to hide my disappointment on the day had we not known it was a girl. I make no apologies for that.
Anyway, its been 9 months now and our second daughter is a delight! It is highly unlikely that we can afford a third child so I've pretty much kissed goodbye the idea of ever having a son. And I'm really struggling with that. It plagues me almost daily.
To make matter's worse (I'm being selfish I know), my older sister has had 2 boys. Her second was born just this morning (all healthy we are delighted to hear) and they have called him Benjamin. That was the same name that my wife and I had always planned for a son. We never told anyone, so there is no blame to be asserted. Just circumstance. However, that news has really upset me (privately) on a day when I should be so happy for my sister.
I see her often - we live just miles apart - and I'm going to grow old seeing her with 2 boys. Something I always wanted. I love my girls, and I know, in this modern day, that there is nothing a boy could do that they can't, but there is something, perhaps hard to label, that I wanted from a father, son relationship that I can never now enjoy. The banter, the chance to help him learn life skills, the fun of the rough and tumble of growing up a young boy, the sharing of experiences (good and bad) etc
My wife is aware of how I feel, but as a female with two daughter's there is a sense of loss I feel that she can never quite replicate. The same can be said for her I know but she has told me she is more ambivalent about our situation.
I worry that as I grow old, there will be times, when I feel very alone as the lone male in a family of 4. I'd be interested to know if other men on here have felt that or dealt with it in any particular way.
I appreciate that this may come across as a bit of a selfish rant. As I stated I'm a happy man and lucky to have two such wonderful daughters but I can't help how I feel deep down. There is no sense of resentment or anger at any one - just a deep feeling of loss and worry about my future.
Would be interested in any advice or suggestions anyone has.
Thanks
hi there i have 3 girls .. ex partner wanted a boy hence 3 girls , i wasnt fussed tbf but my sister had 3 boys and her brother had a boy and this really affected her .. all i can say is i have such a bond with my 3 girls more than there mom and i am never alone . i used to make a joke that even our fish and dog were female !!! to mmake up for not having a son i had my mephews which is great .. and now whuch really winds my ex up i have 4 step kids and 2 of them are boys : ) it will always be with you the feeling but i think about a miscarridge my ex swore was a boy then i realise the girls i have are all i need
...just give it time, you have a good marriage, with a wife that you can talk to and share your worries with...and two beautiful daughters that in a few years time will be keeping you busy!
Try and get involved with your nephews, not quite the same as a son of your own I know but there can still be a close bond, my son is very close to his nephew and they adore each other.
hi there i have 3 girls .. ex partner wanted a boy hence 3 girls , i wasnt fussed tbf but my sister had 3 boys and her brother had a boy and this really affected her .. all i can say is i have such a bond with my 3 girls more than there mom and i am never alone . i used to make a joke that even our fish and dog were female !!! to mmake up for not having a son i had my mephews which is great .. and now whuch really winds my ex up i have 4 step kids and 2 of them are boys : ) it will always be with you the feeling but i think about a miscarridge my ex swore was a boy then i realise the girls i have are all i need
Haha Pete, I've been there - my oldest step-son and son were first to leave home - left me in the house with a wife, 3 girls, 2 female dogs and 4 female guinea pigs π
I grew up an only son, with 2 younger sisters and 4 cousins (only one of them male). My first 5 school teachers were women also, so it's fair to say I grew up being completely comfortable around women. When my son was born I had an 'oh' moment (I'd been convinced he'd be a girl, even in the face of leading evidence in a grainy scan photo that showed what appeared to possibly be a testicle)! Then I was just relieved he'd arrived safely.
Three years on, and I can't imagine him any other way. I think having been involved in raising younger sisters, and then nieces, having a daughter would have snuggled safely in my comfort zone - which I think is why I resolutely wanted a girl. My best friend and his wife have two daughters. Even their recently acquired dog is female. When we were younger, he always said he wanted to grow old surrounded by women - so he's definitely living the dream. Involved parenthood has nothing to be compared with.
π ...I grew up with four brothers and hence have always felt more comfortable around men. I was completely out of my depth when I passed the 11 plus and was sent to an all girls school!
Even to this day most of my friend are men and look where I am today...spending most of my spare time on a Forum for men! π
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