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Hi,
I have come onto the forums for some advice, support and help. I am 24 years old, my names Andrew,
I am deeply torn apart, I am a complete wreck. Always crying, have build ups, cannot look at life in the same way, hearts racing and scared to do anything, litrally i.e. leave house, etc as im that destroyed.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years, we have a beautiful happy 2 year old daughter together and loves us both. However gradually over the weeks a build up of lack communication has occurred which has resulted in a horrible mess. We was both drinking and a situation got heated where it left us grabbing each other, our child was asleep next door however the minor fight continued outside our daughters room, to get away from the sitation I with force shoved my arm back to walk away in anger and caught my girlfriends face, causing minor insuries, unfortunately our daughter woke up crying, after I went down stairs to calm down she had called the police without me knowing, they come and arrested me for 2 assault charges for "beating" my girlfriend on 2 occasions. (2nd one didn't even happen it was a lie) I have been charged with the offenses and have to attend court, I have been bailed and cannot contact her whatsoever, however it states my father can contact her to arrange child access, she is refusing child access and not answering no texts, it has been 5 days now only and I cannot cope any more, I don't know how to. I have been with my daughter every day for 2 years now to nothing, is the hardest thing iv ever had to experience in my life.
Now what I am scared of, is her lieing to police saying I could be a harm to my child as this happened while my daughter was present, my court date is in 4 weeks so im finding it very difficult to accept I cant see my daughter for this long. I understand this was wrong to do this infront of a child, there is no need to say it, I am disgusted in my own actions for not stepping back, I cannot turn time back but I want to some how deal with this situation. I have been to mediation to arrange a civil agreement regarding child access however she has refused, so I have a interview next week to obtain a form to hand in to courts for a date to sort out access.
In the mean time, is there anyone, anywhere I can contact, visit or go to, to speed this up or more advice, legal advice, or help, protection, someone else I can contact for child access?
Sorry for a long story, I am in bits while writing this and need help,i don't have no one to talk to as being in 4 year relationship I have pushed everyone out, I have my father only who can only say wait it out, but this is to hard to do,
Thanks for reading and I would appreciate if anyone could reply with advice, thank you
Hi there
Firstly for your own protection, I would change your username and don't put anything in your posts that can be traced back to you. You are in the process of applying to court for contact and so it's really advisable to stay as anonymous as possible.
Have the mediation service contacted your gf to ask her to attend, if it's only been 5 days, the mediator may want to give her more time to respond. As there is alleged domestic violence, she doesn't have to attend, so I would prepare yourself for court to apply for a Child Arrangements Order for contact.
There is no way of speeding the process up I'm afraid and like your dad says, you will have to wait this out. I understand how hard this must be for you but it's important that you look after yourself in the meantime. That means looking after the basics like eating and getting enough sleep. From the symptoms you describe, I think it might be a good idea to visit your GP for some help, it might be that a short course of anti depressants might be a good idea.
I'm not going to lie to you, the fact that you have been charged with assault will make it more difficult for you as far as your application to the family court is concerned. They will have to make sure that you are not a risk to your child and they will want to have reports done to find out what the situation is. Whatever you do, do not try and contact your gf, this will only make matters worse. Perhaps your Dad could contact your gf and offer to supervise some contact with your little girl, it's worth a try.
For the present you need to get yourself in a better place, it's good that you have your Dad to talk to and support you. I sure others will be along to give you some support and share their experiences with you.
Just concentrate on now and try not to worry too much about what might happen.
Hi there
Firstly for your own protection, I would change your username and don't put anything in your posts that can be traced back to you. You are in the process of applying to court for contact and so it's really advisable to stay as anonymous as possible.
Have the mediation service contacted your gf to ask her to attend, if it's only been 5 days, the mediator may want to give her more time to respond. As there is alleged domestic violence, she doesn't have to attend, so I would prepare yourself for court to apply for a Child Arrangements Order for contact.
There is no way of speeding the process up I'm afraid and like your dad says, you will have to wait this out. I understand how hard this must be for you but it's important that you look after yourself in the meantime. That means looking after the basics like eating and getting enough sleep. From the symptoms you describe, I think it might be a good idea to visit your GP for some help, it might be that a short course of anti depressants might be a good idea.
I'm not going to lie to you, the fact that you have been charged with assault will make it more difficult for you as far as your application to the family court is concerned. They will have to make sure that you are not a risk to your child and they will want to have reports done to find out what the situation is. Whatever you do, do not try and contact your gf, this will only make matters worse. Perhaps your Dad could contact your gf and offer to supervise some contact with your little girl, it's worth a try.
For the present you need to get yourself in a better place, it's good that you have your Dad to talk to and support you. I sure others will be along to give you some support and share their experiences with you.
Just concentrate on now and try not to worry too much about what might happen.
Hi, thank you for your reply. The mediation have contacted my GF and she has refused this and advised if I want to see my child I will have to take her to court as she will not let her near me, however on my bail form it states "The father of *myself* named ******* can contact to make arrangements for child access. and also on the form it states there is no reason to believe my GF or child is at harm, bail is only in place so we cant talk to witness's. So I would of thought that would prove im no harm to the child even though its classed as assault?
I will also change my name, thanks.
Hi There,
.
Sorry to hear you are feeling so low, It must be tough as you know what has happened and how that will effect things. As NJ has said get yourself to your GP and explain what is happening and how you are feeling they will be able to help or at least suggest things that will help.
.
You will get through this and come out the other side but it is going to take time, again as NJ has said don't try and make any contact with your GF as that will make things worse, I agree that maybe your dad asking if she would allow contact with his supervision would be a good idea.
.
Keep talking to us and we will help you through this.
.
I do also agree that with your user name showing who you are this could cause you issues later on, we can help you change that and I would recomend doing this before you go into any further details here.
.
GTTS
Welcome to the forum,
Firstly i am really sorry for the pain you must be going through now, i can relate as my story is a carbon copy of yours.
My daughter is also aged 2 and I have been charged with common assault against my ex partner, she claims i hit her during the last handover.
I will PM you so we can converse directly, i can definitely give you heads up on things as i am still battling through the processes of criminal and family court.
Stay away from her and do exactly what the bail conditions say, otherwise you can find yourself being locked up until the case concludes.
Like NJ said, keep occupied eat and drink well otherwise you will deteriorate fast. What good will you be to your daughter when your have nothing left in you anymore.
Let this situation be your drive to better yourself in every aspect of your life!
She may be winning the battles but she will certainly not win the war, because every child wants to have a father and thats a fact. The law of this land accommodates that as well, so no matter what you have to go through, you will get there in the end!
Good luck
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