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Feel I have to post on here just to share my experience to see if I'm right to feel the way I do or if I should just suck it up and get on with it.
Let me set the scene. I fathered a daughter 7 years ago with my ex and the years in between have been fraught with the most awful arguments, lack of contact and trips back and forth to court. Judging by the behaviour of my ex I have felt all along that I was completely justified in leaving her and after many years striving managed to get a successful court order setting out a fantastic amount of contact with my precious little girl. She is the best thing to happen to me. However, looking back on my time with my ex, I have come to the notion that she did try to trap me with fatherhood. (child prevention measures were taken to the full by both parties, as far as I'm concerned. Other than me getting the snip)
I left my ex when my daugher was 20 months. A year or two later I met my current wife. She has been fantastic. So understanding and supportive. She even first suggested the notion of entrapment by my ex. Which makes her behaviour over the last few months all the more baffling and upsetting. From the very start of our relationship we have been very close. She's my best mate. We talk about everything together. She has a daughter of 11 from a previous relationship who is brilliant, a really good step-daughter, and amazing step-sister to my girl. After all the heart ache of before the last few years have been amazing and was topped off by the best day of my life, my wedding day last October. At last, happiness!
We had discussed lots about an addition to the family and had agreed upon starting trying this coming December. This was for numerous reasons such as, financial, career-wise and rental contracts. Unfortunately my wife is the most impatient person in the world and through a combination of cajoling, feet-stamping and sulking (this is where the strange behaviour starts) she managed to convince me that trying on our delayed honeymoon in April would be a good idea. "It will take us at least 6 months" and "I don't want to have a baby after I'm 35." were both mentioned on numerous occasions. So I relented, was genuinely happy to and am now delighted that we are 6 weeks expecting.
However, there was one thing that I asked of her. That we didn't tell any one until we knew all was well after the 12 week scan. I'm a very private person (probably why im doing this with complete strangers as don't think i can with friends and family) and also quite superstisious. Last week she confessed that she had let slip to her mum. I had no problem with this at all, said it was fine and probably for the best. Now comes the bit that has really hurt. I stupidly (ignorance is bliss) read her e-mails recently. I know, I know. It's something we have both done from time to time with each others knowhow, for various reasons such as bills, household admin etc. We have never had anything to hide from each other. I trusted her completely. Now that trust has gone a little.
It turns out that my wife's cousin who is also her best friend and from overseas also knows and has known all along when my wife has denied that anybody else did. As well as that they have been plotting the best way to convince their husbands to start getting in the family way. Now don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic that we're going to have another child and this time together but I feel so let down. When things like reverse psychology, finding a loophole in his reasoning and we'll do all we can to get what we want are mentioned I can't help but feel let down, especially considering how supportive I've tried to be over the first few difficult weeks of the pregnancy where, quite frankly, my wife due to her raging hormones has been manically stressed and simply awful. This has been a huge reminder of my previous experiences. I now feel very let down and lonely.
I know Girls talk. I can't really duscuss with the mrs as her jead is not in the right place at the moment and i know this will be turned around on me as a betrayal of trust. Most of all I know eventually all will be well and we'll get through this. She is after all my best mate. However I needed to sound off and get the thoughts of others. Well thanks for reading. Feel a bit better. Be interested to hear what some of you think?
Hi and welcome.
Firstly well done ingesting through the court process for your daughter its a tough battle and if you have come out the other side with a good order in place you have done well.
With regards to your current situation, I would say it doesn't really match up to your last, and I'm sure you know this deep down. It doesn't sound as though your current girlfriend was trying to trick or trap you, I'd say it sounds more like girly banter, in a similar way to how guys can be when they get together.
I'd take what you saw in the emails with a pinch of salt, unless your girlfriend has shown any other signs of playing games which from what you have said isn't the case, my view is if these emails were malicious she wouldn't have kept them they would have been deleted.
Wanting to rush into everything is normal so trying to convince you to start a family earlier than agreed is just normal women think differently to most guys and although she agreed to what you said chances are she didn't feel that way deep down.
I think you know all this from what you have said as you say your sure it will all be fine.
This is a great place to sound off so feel free to continue as much as you like.
Also share your experience of court, we can always use different views on court process.
Darren
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