[Solved] dad of 3-1 disabled daughter: lend me your ear

First post on the forum after searching hours for a place to post. Please excuse bad grammar. Any advice and opinions Appricated. I've never done this I always saw speaking about my life and situation as a sign weakness. So be gentle :unsure: this is a essay/some what glimpse into my daily struggles.

Where to start I'm a 30 yr old man that feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. And for the first time in my life I feel defeated and not sure where to turn or what road to take next.

As the title explains I'm a father of 3 of whom one has a disability. She's Mentally and physicaly disabled who requires care 24 hours a day provided by me and my wife. From dressing to bathing, to administrating medications and feed, to keeping her clean and tidy attending hospital appointment s on a monthly sometimes weekly basis. Basically keeping her alive and healthy to the best of our knowledge and ability. (Her situation certainly does not come with instructions) Not to mention looking after 2 normal children who require all the love care and attention any under 10s require. Trying to lead a normal fun happy life as possible. And trying to deal with the situation and hand we have been dealt.

Since our daughter was born. From day one it's been a struggle and challenge. Learning to raise a disabled child is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but also the most rewarding. Patience is one of many things I have gained Caring for her. But Illness is the worst thing we have to deal with.

Just a common cold has the potential to hospitalised her. Due to having a weakend immune system compared to normal children. Constant throat and chest infections are the Bain of her and our lives. My wife is a wonderful strong headed woman who's morals and way of up bringing are bang on. It's One of the reasons I married her. My children are well mannered, polite and respectful they don't swear, or talk back they do what there asked to do. I thank her for that. But sadly Her only weakness is when our daughter needs to go hospital because of illness. She suffers from anxiety and panic attacks of seeing our daughter poorly and in distress and not being able to help her like you would a normal child. If our daughter has a scheduled hospital appointment or is I need of a opperation then we hold each other in those times of need.

So I took on the responsibility of taking our daughter to hospital any time she fell ill with reoccurring throat and chest infections or any other illness that made her unwell. Not to mention juggling a P/T job While my wife has to stay home to look after the other two children who still had there lives to live regarding school, friends etc. dragging the Whole family out of bed to visit A&E any time of day and night is not fair on them. We don't know what's gonna happen from one day to the next. I've sat there for hours on end staring at the same walls every time just waiting to be seen, just to be told something I already know. Just wishing they do something quicker to make my daughter more comfortable rather than making her more uncomfortable and in pain with there constant waiting times. I sit there and envy other parents who's children quite frankly don't need to be there clogging up the system and waiting times but who am I to judge. So dragging the whole family up there with me just for them to witness what it's like staring at walls. Hearing mum and dad go over the same story regarding there sisters birth time and time again it isn't fair on them. It just causes more stress trying to entertain them when really there sister needs 100% attention. At that given time.

Well after 5 years of constant illnes and hospitals trips it's finally broke me. My wife has been on anti depressants since last year. Due to stress, worry, anxiety and life. And it's sad to say I now to have been prescribed them. I never thought I'd go down that road. I always believed I could face and carry my family through any situation that life presented us. How wrong and nieave I am.

I've always worked from the day she was born. from self employed work to cleaning and scrubbing toilets. From stacking shelfs to driving. Trying to find a job that suits my situation and family's needs are very hard to come by. As a father and husband it's my duty to provide some what of an income even if it is P/T sadly All the jobs I've had since she's been born have ended because of her disability. Which is not her fault she did't ask to be born this way and neither did we. When she becomes Ill it just takes over everything I have to drop everything and put all my time and energy into her getting well again. Aswell as supporting my wife whos suffering from depression and find time to give the other 2 children attention But the start of this year hit me hard why I don't know. You think I'd expect and know what's coming and try to mentally prepare myself. Like ive done in previous years. Since it's always been a reocuring thing But this time I'm physicaly and mentally drained and exhausted.

I've been signed off work for two weeks. Been put on anti depressants and having blood test to make sure there's nothing underlying as to why I'm so fatigued. Before I was singed off for stress and tiredness I was pulled into the office at work regarding all the time off I've had recently. I've been with the company a year and half now and they understood my situation when they employed me. I doubt they really expected how much it would affect the department I work on as they struggle to find cover for my shift because the job is physically demanding and requires the right traing to do. But to be frank I don't feel ready to return to work yet two weeks is barely enough. I feel like I need 6 months to a year to recover before I can even think about going into some sort of employment again.

But if our daughter Becomes unwell I'll just be back to square one regarding attendence, and the stresses of trying to commit myself to employment not to mention the worries of trying to find another job If I handed my notice in at my current employment. As we speak I'm not getting payed for these two weeks I've been signed off for. I only work 18.5 hours a week just barley pulling in £400 a month. It's not a lot but it's pays for some of the essentials we need in life. We're currently in receipt of benfits that were allowed to claim because of our situation and low income. None of which I'm proud of but if they wasent there then me and my family woundt have a leg to stand on and be in the gutter (thank f**k I was born British) I'd love just to be a normal working family man to work full time provide like a man, husband and father should do. But sadly I can wish all I want. At the end of the day there's not a happily ever after with this story. Only heartache and pain. One thought and memory I have to push down to the deepest part of my soul and suppress it ill just be fueling the fire otherwise. I'll have to deal with that chapter when we come to it. I'm just desperate for yet another benfit or safety net to fall back on to support me through this tough time I'm having. While I try and recharge my brain, body and batteries. I have no get up and go what so ever if burnt the candle at both ends. I'm desperate for yet more support But everywhere I turn it's just dead ends. I honestly thought there were more support groups or forums regarding advice for troubled dads like myself who have a disability in the family.

I thank you for take no time to read my situation and welcome any reply comments opinions you have

Regards trowa