[Solved] Contact and Maintenance

Hi there,

I hope you can help me? I split up with my ex over a year ago now (March 2011), and ever since I have been struggling to get contact to see my daughter. I did not see her for 7 months while I was waiting for a contact centre to arrange contact ( was messed around a lot by both them and my ex).

I then finally got to see her every other weekend for only 1 hour in a room. Eventually this got up to 2 hours but is still nowhere near what it should be for a healthy relationship between me and my daughter.

I was also paying £200/month for the privilege of this, something which should be free as my fathers rights. On top of this I was also paying £300/month maintenance leaving very little for me to live on. I could only afford to rent a room in a shared house. When we split up I had about 7k of savings, but now they have been depleted and I have been getting into more and more debt struggling to get by on a month by month basis.

I don’t feel that £500/month is fair to only have 4 hours of contact with my daughter in the same room each time!

Unfortunately I then lost my job so could not afford to pay any maintenance. I still paid £10 even though I did not need to due to being unemployed. This only happened for the last payment (the rest have been £300). Because of this my ex has now stopped contact at the contact centre. Even though I was unemployed I still needed to pay the contact centre to see my daughter! I think it is disgusting that I should have to pay anything to see my daughter (except the maintenance of course), but is even more disgusting that I am not allowed to see my daughter after being made unemployed! My ex’s excuse was if I could afford to pay the centre I could afford to pay her! But the truth is I could not afford to pay the centre, but I cannot put a price on seeing my daughter, she is my world and means everything to me, I would do anything for her, even not eat for a week if that is what it would take to see her for those brief couple of hours. I had a train booked to go down and see her tomorrow, which I cannot get a refund on so that has wasted a further £75, which I cannot afford to lose being unemployed!

It’s even worst when you see how much I have been paying! I have always made sure my daughter has had everything she has needed by paying so much and before we split up I made sure she had the best of everything and spent over a grand buying the safest and best car seat, buggy, pram, etc, etc, etc. I have always been very loving and caring of her and she knows how much I love her and so is a very happy little girl (nearly 2 now).

I have therefore been left with no choice but to start court proceedings to get more contact with her but I have been told this could take up to 6 months? I really don’t want to go that long again without seeing her. Is there anything else I can do in the mean time?

I also cannot afford to start court proceedings until I get paid for my new job I start on Monday. But this will not be till mid August now due to needing money to live on and to pay for a new place in London. I needed to move hundreds of miles away from my daughter in Exeter to be able to afford to take my ex to court. I have felt trapped not being able to afford to take her to court due to paying out the £500 a month!

I have been advised not to pay her any more maintenance until I have contact with my daughter. Instead I should pay the money I would have paid into a trust fund for my daughter. Do you think this is good advice? I know for a fact my ex does not need my money to get by since she has her house fully paid for and is getting by find on benefits as well as her parents and CSA money from another ex. I still want to pay maintenance once I can financially afford to again (11th Aug when I get paid).

Every time I saw my daughter in the contact centre she had a new water bottle, lunch box and fancy designer clothes showing she does not need the full £300 and is just wasting my money on things my daughter does not need, she is instead using her as a fashion accessory and a weapon against me!

Sorry to go on, but I thought it would help if I gave you a bit of background of what has led me to the position I find myself in now.

She has now also sent the CSA after me but of course when the forms turned up I was unemployed so I filled out the form appropriately. I am about to notify them that I am now self-employed again due to starting a new contract in London on Monday. But I do not think it is fair for me to have to give all of my hard earned money to her when she does not even need it. It would also once again leave me with very little to live on. I also know she is spending the money on her self rather than my daughter. Hence why I wanted to instead pay the money into a trust fund so I ensured everything actually went to my daughter instead of my ex.

I also know my ex has now moved on with someone else and now she has someone else bringing up my daughter she does not need me anymore so is trying to cut me out just like she did with her ex (she has a little boy with him). It’s really hard knowing someone else is bringing up my daughter and is where I should be. I am worried she will see him more as her dad than me.

I hope you can offer me some advice?

The contact centre have also said they will stop contact since we had an argument on the phone since they would refuse to call my ex to un-cancel the contact.

Any help would be really appreciated.

Many thanks,
A very loving and caring father.