[Solved] cant move on...

Hi there and welcome 🙂

Are you on the childrens birth certificates?

As your son lives with you and you are receiving the tax credits, does that include child benefit? If you are receiving child benefit you would be considered as the resident parent.

You have a couple of options open to you, Mediation and the more formal application to Court. As your son lives with you, you are in a really good position to have it legally recognized. What you would need to do is get a Residence Order in place. At the top of the Legal Eagle section you will find some stickys, one is called Contact Order C100 Guide, this is the form you would need to apply to the court for Residency and defined contact for your other child. The second is Representing yourself in Court, which is full of useful information. It is very expensive to employ a solicitor to represent you and so a lot of Dads choose to do it themselves, it costs £200 as opposed to thousands if you use a solicitor. This would give you some security as far as your son is concerned and this in turn would help with your confidence issues as you would be taking back control. Empowerment is a very positive thing!

I take it that you dont want to patch things up with your ex but want to remain on good terms for the childrens sake, then you would go to Mediation first. This is where you would both attend meetings and with the guidance of a trained Mediator discuss all the issues and try and reach an agreement that is best for you all. A statement would be drawn up and you would both sign it. Here you could get acknowledgement that you are the resident parent and this would help if you were to apply to court for Residency at a later date. You could even discuss making your sons Residency more formal by both of you going to court, as a formality.... Sometimes this is enough to get things back on track. Actually the court would expect you both to have tried Mediation before applying to the court.

Your ex is behaving as some women do, and using the children as a weapon and this is unacceptable. A court would take a dim view of this. I would advise you to start a diary and make a record of all communication between you and the ex. Keep all txts and emails, in fact anything that involves the children. This would also be helpful if you decide to go to court.

In the meantime try and stay calm and reasonable in your dealings with your ex. Try talking to her, make her aware that you have rights and she cannot make threats to deny contact or remove your son from your care. Tell her you would really like to get this sorted out amicably but you take your responsibilities as a father very seriously and will do whatever it takes, even if this means going to court. Suggest Mediation to her as a way forward, put it in writing, either by txt or email.

I think a lot of your confidence issues are about not feeling in control of your life, once you start to take control back, I think you may start to feel better about yourself. We all have times in our lives where we feel buried under problems and cant see a way out. Coming here and talking about your problems is the first step, it takes courage to lay yourself bare to strangers, you're a lot stronger than you think! 🙂

HI, firstly welcome on board and its a great place to rant and get great advise.
Im not sure what you are asking, but I will let you know what I think. I think shes got a bit jealous and I dont think she really wants you back, just does not want anyone else to have you. Have you got you son legally, as in a residents order. If he has been with you a while and still wants to be with you her threats mean nothing, but you need to get a court order so she cant carry the threat out, you can do this your self and lots of people on hear will be beable to tell you how to
how old is he and what about your other child ?
How did she find out about your date, your life has nothing to do with her now and I wouldnt tell her anything she has no right to know

Evening Chaps.

Thanks for the replies! Honestly, I wasn't really sure what I was asking! General advice / next steps I guess!

Jane - It does include child benefit. I was unsure on the laws regarding residency. Since this morning, I've taken a look around this very useful site.

I wouldn't want to claim sole residency for our son. guess that's just my nature? But, I did come across "shared residency". He spends 5 days of the week with my self, but I feel this option would still "protect me" and still keep her happy (maybe! ha).
Mediation - I actually started arranging this yesterday. They have said they are sending a letter out to her next week. I informed her today, everything seemed to have calmed down - and looks like she may be interested in this. So.. for now - it's a way forward.

I guess I was just checking if she could actually remove him from my care whilst officially (government system wise anyway..) he's down as living with me.

AK - my son is 4 1/2. Very young, but knows what's going on. It was him in fact, who nagged his mother for him to live with me. Their's no order's or legal documentation that say's he's living with me.

Date - well, after the date.. I arrived home.. she was waiting! Asked where I was, I simply told her. Everything was fine between us until this point.

My main concern is the fact she think's she can control the kids and use them as a bargaining tool. She's the mother, she has all the rights etc etc... trying to tell her otherwise - falls on deaf ears.

Since posting this morning - the situation has changed dramatically. She's actually listening to what I've said, she sort of understands. And instead of "you can't see anyone ever" - this has dropped down to "you can date people in a month".
Whilst this is an improvement, I'm still not happy with this. A months time... it'll be another month.. then another. It needs sorting now - hopefully, she'll attend mediation and they can draw up a plan?

Hi there,

I'm glad things have settled down for you. Its good that your ex has agreed to Mediation and seems to be listening! ;;) You sound a lot more optimistic, you now have a plan of action and a way forward!

Good luck and keep us posted. 🙂

Hi , wonder why in a month !!. I would date and dont tell , you are allowed a life, how dare she be there when you get home, thats weird. so controlling. As long as your son is being looked after its not her business. you could always get a non-molestation order on her. good luck