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Long story short, second child with my second ex. (Gives me low self-steem) in my ability to find someone else. Some girls see it as "Baggage" which I really, really hate..
I was with my ex since 2019 Sep and we were the strongest couple (aside from her mum trying to break us up; trying to take over the baby when she fell pregnant) etc. and her cousin I didn't get along with... I liked the rest of her family..
We got on so well so at the moment I feel very heart broken. She has chatted guys up twice since I was with her (pretending it's her cousin) I read one of the messages from this guy on her phone and she said, "I'm not with the baby's dad anymore".. Blah, it all kicked off, I walked out (as this point she was pregnant). But she showed me she cared (cried etc.)
So anyway, in Dec last Christmas her mum got her a new phone (our daughter was born Dec 2020.) I found out my ex hid her old phone away from me, and used her new phone to text me on while I was with her. We were going strong, happy, I found out she was texting other guys from her old phone and adding them on SnapChat etc and later found out she was on a dating website (now two).
She got rid of the old phone once she found out I knew, and I like an idiot took her back as I was still in love with her. Later down the line, (May just gone) she broke up with me. Gave me a bunch of rubbish excuses, didn't want to her a council house to avoid issues I was facing with her mum getting involved. (Excuses inc, I told her I didn't like the idea of a secret santa her mum did for Christmas due to Covid-19. (But I Was in the wrong).. Apparently I was being negative..
Either way, recently she gave me a new number for contact and I found out it's her "Old" phone she's using, so she's clearly using her new phone to talk to other guys. I feel like I want to believe she's doing all of this due to postnatal depression or some sort of depression. She got the implant in too, and she's on the pill too. Her mood was very different towards me when she broke up with me. She'd sit on the chair and say, "My head is all over the place", or "I don't know what I want", or her mood would be angry and agressive towards me mixed with bouts of crying episodes.
Now, When I meet her to drop off nappies etc. She seems fine, I keep on asking her everytime I see her, "So what do you want?", or "Do you actually want us?" Her response is either, "I don't know yet", or "Maybe in a few years", to "yes eventually I do want us". with a gloat on her face as if to say I've got you right where I want you... So just recently, I thought, screw this, am I being taken for a mug?? So I have two options.
Option 1) - Do I simply talk to her like normal for the time being; give her anything she asks for the baby and ask her to do contact and get on her good side like I have been and see where things go. Pay out more than what I give her from Child Maintence like I have been in the means of nappies / wipes etc etc. or
Option 2) Let her feel the full bruit force of the breakup by not having any contact with her what so ever, getting her nan to do the contact, while just giving the child maintance to her nan to give her. So she knows she's in the wrong for what she's done. Will this lack of me bothering towards her allow her to feel she doesn't have the advantage over me and pull her back towards me.
Putting the relationship aside, how do you feel about your children? If you want to see them, then perhaps try to work out a routine when you have contact. It may be best to behave like a responsible father - paying the maintenance you are required to and leaving the nappies etc up to her. Be friendly but leave the heavy stuff of a relationship for a while and let things settle down. I'm not a counsellor but you could talk to someone who is. It seems as though you give her cash for maintenance but it might be best to pay this into her bank account so you have proof of payment.
@champagne
Well do you reckon I should take it to court? She only let's me see my child on a Wednesday from 1 till 3 which is rubbish and I can't take her out etc.
I am trying to avoid court, in case she gets better and we do decide to get back together. But I think that's highly unlikely. She never liked me planning anything with her with the baby, and her mum had to be the one to always get involved.
At the moment I give her £100 cash in hand a month. She doesn't want me to pay it in directly to her, apparently she doesn't want me to have her card details... And she isn't really talking to me properly..
I also do occasionally (three times a month maybe more) get asked to take up nappies etc and wipes.
Court is the last resort and if you do decide to go down that route you need to try mediation first. It might be an idea to try relationship counselling in the first place. If that is a no then you can ask for longer or more contact. If that is a no and you'd like more contact then mediation is the next step. You can find mediators near where the child lives by looking online at thefma.co.uk If she won't do that, then the mediator will sign a report which you can include with a C100 application to the court. I strongly recommend you try to pay the money in her account. You don't need her card details, just the account. If thats a definite no, then ask her to sign a receipt. No problem with you taking nappies etc to her if you're happy with that. There is a fee for the mediator and the court application but you do not need a solicitor to do it.
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