[Solved] Advice about another man raising your children?

Do you have a reasonably good relationship with your ex? If so, it's worth speaking to her about it to see if you can have increased contact.

i wish we had a good relationship. I have tried and tried to offer civil peace between us and she refuses it. she refuses to tell me anything about them when i ask. she tells me to stop texting her. she refuses to tell me anything to do with nursery/ school when they start. Just another woman who uses children as weapons as much as i hate to admit it.

Ah, that's a shame, but not unusual. It's not something I've had to experience myself, so hopefully others on here may be able to help you out. However, as long as you can maintain contact with your children, you will still be special to them, even if you aren't the one who sees them most - and as they are testing boundaries as they grow, you won't have to be the one who limits them - certainly to the same extent.

I can sympathise with you as I had a similar experience many years ago when my children were small.
Their father introduced his new partner to them and they came across as a complete family unit every
time my children went to visit their dad.
I told myself that it is MY DNA running through my kids veins and I am and always will be their
biological parent. No one and nothing can ever take that away.
But more importantly I never bad mouthed their dad and his partner, it paid dividends later when they
grew up.
I know it's a hard thing to swallow but your kids will know who you are....their dad and therefore someone with
a special bond.
Also...the relationship between your ex and her bf seems to be very new...just sit back and wait
until routine sets in...;)
On a more practical level, is it feasible for you to increase the contact?

Take care
Kirsten

Actually, thinking about it, I do have experience of this, but from the other side, in that I have my children and I remarried 10 years ago. My two daughters came to live with me when my youngest has just turned 7. They have never called my wife 'mum' because it would have felt strange, but the only thing that prevents them from having any half decent relationship with my ex-wife is... my ex-wife. My older daughter wants nothing to do with my ex, and my younger daughter (now almost 16) is pretty much coming to the same, but it's because whenever there is any contact, my ex bad mouthed me or made snide comments about the kids and they've really had enough of it. If, instead, my ex had behaved like a normal decent mother, my kids would have a good relationship with her - so what I'm saying is that as long as you continue to show your children that they are very important to you, and you make sure that they enjoy the time with you, then there is no reason why they shouldn't continue to have a good relationship with you for the rest of their lives, and let's face it. it's better that your ex has found someone who is kind to your children, rather than someone who isn't.

To Karen and actd, thank you so much for your kind words and support. Sometimes the best medicine for these devastating times on our lives is to just talk to somebody who has been through the same situation. Obviously i know there is nothing i can do about this, my ex was bound to move on with a new partner who bonds with my children, and don't get me wrong, i know its a bit petty for me to be so bothered but its just because i love them so much and i guess im a bit jealous of him getting to be with them everyday. He does treat them right i think and that does make me feel a lot better yeah! But i guess i envy this man so much for taking my place with my family. I know eventually as time goes on, and they realise who i am, that we will have an amazing relationship. The only obstacle for me, as said before, is how my ex partner treats me in regards to, well, everything. And in regards to this, i am tempted to go back to mediation to try and stop the abuse i receive, but will give this time to see if things change. Also in regards to your question Karen about increased access. I have tried many of times to be told that Sundays are the only day i will ever see them. Which in time again, if my simple wish of more access is denied. I will be requesting mediation again to try and resolve these matters. Once again. Seriously. Thanks to all of you. Instead of talking to friends or family i came here to talk to people who have been in the same kind of situation. And im glad i did. Everybody has been so kind and helpful x

.. i know its a bit petty for me to be so bothered..

Not it's not, it's perfectly natural.

I would not both going back to mediation about the abuse, it's not worth the fight and if you lose, your ex will just make things work. Try to find a way to handle it - if the abuse is by phone, then get a second cheap phone, tell your ex your new number (not telling her that you are keeping the old one) and that way you have control over when you look at the texts - you will feel much more control.

I would let contact continue for a while, and then go back for increased contact - if it's been going well, a court is likely to increase it as it's healthy to have good contact with both parents, though you could try mediation before going back to court. It may also be that your ex may find it convenient for you to have the odd week of contact if she wants to go away with her new partner.

It's not petty at all, jealousy is a normal and natural emotion in those circumstances.
It's how you cope that will make a difference.
As you say..he seems to treat your children ok, that's better than the added
fear of your kiddies not being safe around him.
Secondly, as I said before...no one and nothing can take away the fact that you
are their parent...!
I agree with actd...there seems little point in going to mediation about the abuse....
my son took the advise and got another phone and the mother of his child has only
got that number.
Any abuse she dishes out you can then save and download...so you have evidence
should you need it.
In our case it took a little time for the ex to accept the new number but it made a huge
difference to my son.
Mediation might work with regards to extending the contact time,it's worth a try,you
can always take it to court.

Kirsten