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My son is 11 years old and I haven't seen him in about 16 months.
My ex is so money orientated, because both my new partner and I work (or try to work) she thinks we are loaded. She is on benefits and gets everything paid for her and is better off than we are even though we work.
I don't currently pay for my son for 2 reasons, 1) she won't answer my calls, she avoids me and basically won't let me see my son. 2) she spends any money I have given her on herself buying KFC, Chinese computer games etc, whilst my son has to live on bread and butter because by the end of the week she has run out of money.
I am happy to pay for my son but don't want to pay for her, when I have paid her she will still contact me and ask for more money guilting me into giving her some by saying I've got no electric, or gas. I've picked my son up at 3pm before and she has turned round and said he's not had anything to eat all day as she has no food in the house, yet when I pay her she'll go straight to KFC. She has so many pets from cats, rats, birds, gerbils etc so I'm paying for them as well whilst my son goes hungry and comes to us in dirty ripped clothes. My family have stopped giving her clothes for him because she will take them back to the shops to get the money for them.
Anyway I have had lots of issues with her even calling social services on her as I felt my son was at risk, but I'm still made out to be the bad one. Up until recently she was still in contact with my sister and said if I contact her she will agree to meet me and we can have a chat. I tried to contact her and now she has changed her number, cut my sister off. So I have no contact with her, I've tried calling round but she either isn't there or doesn't answer the door to me.
I haven't always been consistent with money as I have changed jobs frequently and also had some very bad experiences with employers not paying me right. I'm in the middle of trying to make a company insolvent to collect £2000 worth if wages from them.
I can't afford a solicitor as my current partner is on maternity and only gets £134 a week, so my wages have to pay all the bills, rent, etc. I want to try mediation but don't know how to go about it, can anyone help?
Hi,
Thaks for explaining your circumstances. Is the money she's asking an agreed ammount the CSA have asked you to contriubute to the child's upbringing or is the money you've given her in the past been a private arrangement between the two of you?
Hi,
It's mainly private, we have gone through csa a couple of times but due to job changes, losses and being out of the country we've mainly done it private. I was paying £30 a week plus buying clothes, food etc and on some occasions buying her electric, gas etc. as well as paying for someone to fumigate her flat as it was flea infested and my son was covered from head to toe in flea bites.
I would like to go through a contact centre as I don't want any contact with her things are just not very amicable, also this would hopefully prevent her asking me for more money.
I also know she has been saying bad things to my son, so because she hasn't allowed me to see him, he thinks Im not a good person and I'm not even sure with her poison if he will want to see me.
You need to be aware that if you don't pay her maintenance, then she could well ask the CSA to take the case again, and you will be assessed on your income irrespective of what she spends it on, so it's worth paying maintenance for your son. If his clothes are dirty etc, consider trying a charity shop - that way she can't return the clothes and at least they'll be clean and presentable. I know it's annoying, but contact and maintenance are separate issues and one should not be used to reinforce the other, by either party.
However, if the house is flea infested and unhealthy, and she's not looking after your son's physical and emotional wellbing, I'd keep on at children's services, and if they don't take notice, then ask them for their complaints procedure.
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