[Solved] Strategies for resilience

hello and thanks for sharing...your not pathetic at all so dont ever think that

Pregnancy does some weird and wonderful things to women im afraid, do you think she has been different since becoming pregnant? how long was you together before she become pregnant

Hi there

As has been said, pregnant women can become very difficult! The release of hormones and internal fears about their changing bodies and how life will be after the baby is born all contribute.

The fact that you were only together for 4 months before she got pregnant is likely to make things harder too... you hardly got the chance to get to know each other first, she's probably feeling as insecure as you, she just expresses it differently.

Why don't you arrange an evening out, a nice meal and see if you can open up a discussion about how things feel for you at the moment, but don't make it about you, ask her how she is feeling and if there's anything you can do to make her feel better. Spontaneous bunch of flowers will put a smile on her face, or a nice foot/shoulder massage, intimacy without [censored]! I think you need to try and get to know each other and once the baby has arrived you'll have less time to do that.

All the best

Everything you described sounds like domestic abuse. You say that she doesn’t physically attack you very frequently. I’m sorry, that’s still domestic abuse.

You may want to consider talking to http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk .

I would also agree DA (domestic abuse), on paper.
However her body is changing and sometimes the mind goes too, "baby brain".. Still you shouldn't have to enjure a life of abuse. Putting up with it dont win you prizes, as a man in a situation and 'trying' to make it work for who? You? Your unborn child? Her? Your wording:

I would recommend that YOU go see you YOUR GP and tell them what is and has been going on. Further down the line she may snap, with it being logged with a healthcare proffessional you will be able to get advice, support (she doesnt need to know). ......and possibly in the future if/when your trying to get a court order for contact/ or even in criminal proceedings you will have proof (when alligations fly) of her abuse to you.
DONT RETALIATE!
BUT DONT EVER BE AFRAID TO SPEAK OUT!
The sad truth is your life sounds like mine some years ago. I do hope its just hormones.

I have a petition with the Welsh Assembly about these issues please show support.

https://www.assembly.wales/en/gethome/e-petitions/Pages/petitiondetail.aspx?PetitionID=1282

Thanks everyone. I was at a bit of a low point posting this yesterday and may have gone a bit overboard. When I say physically attack me, it's not like she's punching and kicking or anything and I don't feel physically abused.

I think it's right that the problem is we don't know each other very well. Best answer:

"she's probably feeling as insecure as you, she just expresses it differently."

Your wording: (sorry)

Because we're old enough (32 and I'm 33) and because I think it can work out I decided to go for it.

"Think" indicates not sure.
"I decided" indicates she werent that bothered maybe?
Not trying to be nasty.
"Doing the honest/right thing isnt a good option these days.... I do know from my experince.

Never the less I do hope its her hormones etc. And it works out for all 3 of you.

If she physically attacks you then you phone the police, that is irrational behavior and abuse that i would not attribute to being pregnant

Bit OTT there mavic, I don't think this is a case for the police, it's obvious that the OP wants to make it work!

Glad you're feeling better goldendelicious... it's a stressful time for couples that have been in long term relationships and all relationships take time and effort to make them work. Being open about things in a non confrontational way is always the best policy and a little flattery and flowers also help!

You don't have to be a "thick skinned superman"... sensitive and caring is a much better look in my opinion. You are going to require patience and thinking outside the box right now... rise above her negativity and try and bring some sweetness and light into the situation and when it gets tough, try and remember it's probably the hormones talking, so don't take it to heart.

All the best

Humnn, at the risk of being controversial, I'd like to propose an exercise. Try inverting the gender in what OP wrote, and you get:

"So, I understand that what I'm supposed to do when he insults me, or tells me I'm useless and don't understand him, or physically attacks me (this, thankfully, is quite exceptional)".

Would anyone advice this "woman" to take the guy out for dinner and be nice and kind to him ? Why is it different in this case ? Is it just abuse when a man does it ?

I'm somewhat concerned that this guy is about to fall on the same trap that so many of us have fallen, have the tables turned on him and be accused of domestic violence in the not too distant future, while being pushed away from his child.

I agree that calling the police can do more harm than good, but don't be naive OP, being nice and kind only works when you have someone minimally rational on the other side.

It may be worth considering Relate - if you are having trouble expressing hopes and fears to each other, having an impartial 3rd party might help resolve any issues that you might both not realise even exist.