[Solved] Mixed feelings

Hi guys.

Just wanted to post an update & use this as a space to vent my feelings. I hope that’s ok.

So basically, one week we went to the clinic to see someone about a termination. They scanned her & told us as she was so early into the pregnancy then it hadn’t reached the womb yet so we’d have to wait a week. In that week we both went back & forth between wanting to terminate & carry on with the pregnancy.

We went to the clinic again yesterday & twice she walked out saying she just couldn’t do it. The second time she wanted to go home. We both said we felt relieved & it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to have another baby.

Younger 2 had parents evening so we went to that & took them all out for dinner. We got in, settled down & she said she’d changed her mind again & wanted to go to the clinic again. She decided to tell the oldest one she was pregnant. Older kid did not react well. Basically told ya we’re too old & it’s not a good idea.

Today we went to the clinic & spent an hour in with a nurse going back & forth over all the options. She still couldn’t decide. On the journey up she asked me how I felt & I said I’d felt relieved yesterday but couldn’t bring myself to say yes I want to keep it because I’ve said all along I’d support her decision & didn’t want to sway her one way or the other.
Anyway, after loads of back n forth she put the tablet in her mouth. Then spat it back out.
I said ok let’s go home thinking she’d decided to keep it at the 11th hour. She then put it back in her mouth, kept it there for a minute & then swallowed it.

I know it’s her choice & her that has to deal with a changing body & issues with her weight etc & I’m not angry but I do feel like I’ve let myself down coz of I’d said let’s keep it we’d have just gone home.

Sorry this is a long post. I don’t expect a reply, just needed a place to vent

This is a great place to vent... it’s good to have somewhere to open up, knowing you won’t be judged.

Please don’t apologise, this must have been so hard for you, but you mustn’t beat yourself up for allowing her the right to choose... even had you said let’s keep it, you don’t know that she would have agreed.

You told her that you felt relieved about not going ahead the day before, she must have processed that, so in a way, you did give her the opening to keep it... but you did it gently so as not to influence her decision... I think you handled that well.

I’m sure there will be a time to talk to her about it all, let things settle first, but expressing the hurt and confusion and the doubts will help you both to move on.

I’m sure the other guys will be along to share their thoughts, but I know they will only want to show you their support for what has been a really difficult time.

All the best

Thanks mate.

I Know what you say makes sense, I’m just so wiped out at the moment it’s hard to think straight. I’m sure all that will settle though.

Thank you for the support

Hi Basdad

Hope your doing ok, as already said you were in a difficult situation, and you weren't 100% certain yourself which way to go, so were not only stuck for yourself but also your partner and the children.

I think you handled things well, Please don't beat yourself up over this, it is going to be difficult to not be thinking what if, but try not too.

Whether the right decision was made or not, your partner was struggling with it, that shows from changing her mind.

Just be there for her, and try and explain to her how you feel,

I'm sure as you say things will settle but at the moment things are very raw and emotional for you.

We are all here to talk, and if you wanted too Private message is an option as well if you didn't want to share personal stuff

GTTS

Thanks GTTS.

It’s starting to sink now so trying slowly to get used to the fact. Essentially life won’t change as in we’ll carry on as we were but at the same time it feels like something has changed forever. I know that’s stupid but kinda how it is.

She text me today to say she feels rubbish, I asked if she meant physically or mentally & she said mentally. I didn’t really know what to say. I’m trying to be supportive but it’s so difficult.

Thanks for being there guys

Hi Basdad,

It must be really difficult for you both, for you, you feel that the decision was made for you, and not knowing whether it was the right one, and for her knowing that she made the decision and not knowing whether it was the right one.

You need to try and address these feelings so that you can move on, I think that ignoring them could possibly cause issues.

GTTS

I would say that whatever decision you made, or will make, is the right one, and you just need to support each other that is the case, and there will be times when you have doubts about that, and you need to support each other through those times too. Have you asked whether there are any counselling services that you can go to, that might help if you can both talk it through with someone at the same time.