[Solved] Has anyone been in this situation???

This is a difficult one Sam...

I wouldn't advise any invasive investigations. You haven't mentioned how the prospective mother feels about the situation and what she would like to happen.

We have a few members here that are non bio dads and they feel as close to their children as any bio dad. I would think that if the pregnancy goes ahead then you will be there through the pregnancy and birth as the dad. You will already be bonded by the time any paternity test is done and you have the results. You can't make any decisions about any of it until then and it could well be that at that point, whether you are or are not wont make much difference by then.

I think you both need to sit down and talk through the different scenarios, be completely honest with each other and hopefully reach agreement on how to go forward. Good luck.

Hi
No, neither of us want to do a pre natal paternity test so it's not an option.
She's obviously distressed about the situation and wants the baby to be mine. If it turns out that it isn't she's said she still wants to raise it together and if the biological father wants to be part of it's life too then she wants us to be able to work through that as well.
The only test in regards to conception timing taken so far has been a clear blue digital which points towards the conception date being before we got back together but I've just read online that these are notoriously inaccurate. A friend of mine who's pregnant said that when she did it, it said she was 3+ weeks (which is what ours read) but when she was tested at the doctors she was only two weeks pregnant.
We have a scan booked in for next Monday which will give a clearer indication we hope.
I think my mind is made up about the situation and I'm going to be there and (try to) be a father and build a family.
We don't currently live together and she wants to move back to her mum's as she feels she needs the support. Again, I need to work this around in my head because I would want us to be together throughout the whole experience, but we will see.
Thanks for your words.

Hi Sam

Good luck whatever you decide to do.
No point asking for advice ...it's your decision. And everyone will have differing opinions. There's no right answer. But, lets just hope that she feels the same way about you as you do about her.

From the way you've put things... it doesn't sound like it

Sorry for the honesty.

Mac

Hi Sam,

I have not been in a similar situation myself so I can't offer any direct experience with it. It also seems your gf and you are not in the most stable of relationships yet.
What I can offer are some observations from my own experience in life. My wife and I are currently 8 weeks into our first pregnancy.

About the baby:
In my opinion, biological "ownership" of a child is a null issue in this day and age. If you commit to it, the baby will be yours regardless of a paternity test. Within a few weeks it will start "switching on" its senses and will start associating your voice and touch with its family. You may still be confused but the baby will very soon start associating you with fatherhood.
Looking to the future, if you decide to carry through with it, the baby will grow up learning your values and you will both bond. You will be continuing your heritage through upbringing if not by genetic make up.

About your gf:
As you rightly said, your gf did nothing wrong. She was 2 months into the break up when she tried dating again. I'm sure you wanted her to move on and be happy if that was her wish.
She did eventually realise her mistake and I am guessing you both love each other very much as you got back together again. She may be confused and feeling pressured by life but judging by her actions and feelings, she does want to be with you.
I would potentially suggest you have a long honest conversation with her raising your thoughts and feelings. If done right, this should ease her into responding in kind and airing her feelings too. Start by gently making it clear to her that you want to be with her but also want to raise some concerns and iron them out. Throughout the whole thing, make sure she doesn't feel pressured by anything. Make sure she's comfortable.
If the conversation gets heated, calm yourself down. Don't let it erupt.

About the pregnancy:
A pregnant woman can sometimes be unpredictable in emotions and reactions. This is very natural due to the massive shifts in hormones she undergoes constantly. Always keep this in mind. I have found that the best course of action is to take a step back in situations I'd normally insist on pushing. With me, my wife never loses her logical thinking but sometimes just lets her hormones "do the talking for her". Even if she yells or cries, she later on realises her errors and does learn from them. Even if she's wrong and arguing, she will later rationalise. I just let her come to it on her own more during the pregnancy.
That leads me to the second point. Calmness is VERY important for a pregnant woman. Try to remove any tension or stress from your gf's life if possible. Avoid heated arguments. Avoid pushing on issues she may be uncomfortable with. Just be there for her and support her.
Your gf sounds like she's at a point in her life where she's trying to achieve more than possible. She wants to be with you but also doesn't want to feel as if she's missing out on anything else. Just be there for her. She needs you now more than ever even if she doesn't say it or feel it.

Taking all the above into consideration, you should decide what you want to do. The important part is sticking to your decision. Don't second guess it later and don't start something you'll be half hearted with.
If you decide to go ahead with starting this family, reconcile any issues you may have now. Don't leave them lingering for later as they will chew at you and start building up resentment.
I would even go as far as suggesting you abandon the paternity test entirely. Ask yourself honestly what it would achieve. if you've already decided the family is yours, how would that test change anything? It would only do harm.

Wow liorabel - that's one helluva fist post 🙂 Excellent advice there.