TOPIC: Need support for my son fighting C1a issue

Need support for my son fighting C1a issue 1 year 4 months ago #77928

Can anyone help or offer support to my son. He has been thrown out of his home by partner over a disagreement over childcare. There is a substantial age gap and there are three children involved two jointly and one who he has been a step parent too since 3 months. The children are aged 5, 2 and 7 weeks. The disagreement was over her intention to immediately start further education putting the two youngest into a crèche for 18 hours per week. My son who is in full time employment didnt want the children to be put into a crèche stating she was too young They have been together for five years, have local authority housing which my son has considerable improved over the time together the relationship has always been fraught with disagreements his partner controlling him in all aspects. She threw him out with the family pets. He stated Mediation and then submitted a form C100, in the meantime a few days after she had thrown him out she submitted a C100 and C1a citing domestic violence and child abuse. My son was devastated, he is a kind, hardworking man who has done everything he can to be a father to all of the children, these allegations are totally without foundation.

He was served the papers two days before the Court Hearing and we were in Court within 4 weeks of them splitting up. We had completed the form contesting her allegations and made a very detailed statement which we were not given the opportunity to produce. No mention was made during the hearing of the allegations and we had a reasonable discussion with the judge. Within a very short space of time the hearing was deferred for a month to involve Cafcass and both my son and myself have to prepare a statement as to how my son will care for the children whilst she is a college. The judge also stated that it would not be likely that he would be custody of the children, even though his partner has disrupted all the three childrens lives for her desire to study. The neighbours have reported her screaming at the children on a daily basis. When my son has had the children (when she has permitted it) the eldest child gets very upset when it comes time to take them back. Even to the point of hanging onto his legs stating that she didn't want to stay with Mummy she wants to stay with you. He is absolutely torn apart both by the rejection and selfishness of his (ex) partner and at loosing his family and everything he has worked for over their time together. She continually trys to wind him up with awful comments which she and her friends make sarcastic and awful remarks about him, together with txt messages where she is either slandering him or making what seem to be reasonable requests about the children but only on her terms, dictating when and where he can see the children. He is in a dreadful state and I truly fear for his future. As well as seemingly oblivious to the harm she is causing we also find out that for six months prior to the relationship breaking up she has been claiming full benefits claiming that she was a single parent whilst my son was living, working there giving her all of his wages. She has alwys had full control of his bank account and admittedly earlier on in the year they did split up for a week or two. Obviously by her claiming benfits it was going to be an easy step for her to get funding for her education. It is just so wrong morally and emotionally.

My son has a sister, who is single and very well placed financially who has no children of her own, who has offered him and the children a home for as long as it takes him to get back on his feet to be able to provide a home of his own for him and the children. The judge however thought that wouldn't be considered as it was a distance of about 80 miles from where the children are living now. How is my son going to be able to provide a suitable home for the children, which are his life, he doesn't want to split them up, but he has no parental responsibility for the eldesh child. I realise that this is complicated but any advice anyone could give us on the way forward would be gratefully wrong. To me it just seems so wrong that an educational establishment can offer a "single" mother which is obviously how she presented herself with three children under 5 and a half and one of them barely four weeks old a place. plus a free crèche for the two little ones, travel expenses and a grant which she is planning to spend part of (if not all) on a second hand car as the vehicle my son bought her has just run out of MOT. It just beggars belief.
  • nitram
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Need support for my son fighting C1a issue 1 year 4 months ago #77954

Hi There,
It sounds as though your son is really going through it, and it's not surprising that he is feeling so down.
Others on the forum are a lot more experienced in the issues he is having and they will offer advice when they are online.
In the meantime, try and get your son, come onto the forum, hopefully by seeing the support that he will recieve it will help him to feel stronger about what he's being put through, many of us have been through similar so we can relate and sometimes that can be such a help when you feel so low.
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Need support for my son fighting C1a issue 1 year 4 months ago #77980

Hi and welcome to the forum

Initially I think you should both try to find a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area to attend to get some free guidance and support on negotiating the court system.

Unfortunately, at first hearings, you don't have permission to submit any evidence so it's not unusual for the court not to accept this.

I'm assuming that CAFCASS have been instructed to carry out a S7 Welfare Report and this will take some time to conduct.

Courts very rarely change residency unless there are very serious and immediate safeguarding concerns.

I would suggest that you try to put forward suggestions of where contact can take place that are closer to where the mother lives if at all possible as this should help get things agreed sooner rather than later.

There is a possibility the court may order a finding of fact hearing in the near future if they cannot decide which party is telling the truth, Both sides will be given an opportunity to submit evidence for the court to make their findings.

Have a good read through our stickies at the top of the Legal Eagle section for advice on the court process and dealing with CAFCASS.

I would advise your son to block contact with the mother and her friends where possible and report any abusive contact to the police on 101. If they have to speak to organise arrangements for the children, I would suggest this is kept to txt only and maybe purchase a pay as you go mobile phone that is only for that purpose. Block her on everything else.

Keep posting and we will do what we can to help you
  • Yoda
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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.
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