TOPIC: unloved and hated in marriage

unloved and hated in marriage 2 years 5 months ago #65237

I totally understand your point, I am a giver but I am more importantly a dad, a dad who has seen himself in a different light and will still try anything to right the wrongs.
I am a fighter..
Time and space is easing the pain, making me see clearer.
I have life mapped out either way it now goes, yes it will be tough, how tough I don't yet know!

Last night I didn't take tablet, body clock woke me 3am, as normal!!
Long day ahead and meeting with my manager regarding the sicknote I don't really want to use.
I don't do sickness and time off, jobs too important a role for that or to be seen weak..

Keep you posted
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unloved and hated in marriage 2 years 5 months ago #65254

It's great to see you getting on and making plans for the future.... Entering a new phase of life is scary but it sounds to me that you are well equipped to meet the new challenges!

Just remember to be kind to yourself...x
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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son....Custody should be decided purely on ability, not on gender! I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard! There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too! In training to become a MCKENZIE FRIEND...on hold at the moment
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unloved and hated in marriage 2 years 5 months ago #65314

Had an up and down day today,
Very supportive manager, a fantastic help but it did drift me back to last week..
I ended up constructing a long heart felt email to my wife, I think I worked out just what was meant by this!!

Unfortunately it didn't get the reaction I wanted, but that then felt like closure so I was surprisingly livened up, email only formal communications led to a proposal discussion but here is the strange bit, I found myself thinking why should I give up another 10 years living in poverty to keep hold off something nobody wants..
I still want the best for my kids, one day they will have everything I have worked for so it's still not concrete in my head..

Here is Just a quick thought for the day, the little things I do day to day go unnoticed, taken for granted, but the big things I do, or don't,never get forgot....
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unloved and hated in marriage 2 years 5 months ago #65394

That thought is very true - probably all of us do it .

You are going to have a lot of days like this - there are bound to be both highs and lows, the "trick" is being able to pick yourself up after the lows and keep moving forwards, and to look after yourself properly. In doing so you are in a better position to be a good dad and to get the best out of what life has ahead of you.
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unloved and hated in marriage 2 years 5 months ago #65396

Proposals completed and ready to hand over..
I went to a nearby city yesterday and brought a new top!!
When I put the Fred Perry to on in the mirror I felted my eyes fill, looking back at me wasn't this fattening frumpy rough looking dad, but Me!!!!
In a medium shirt, hair styled and I felt alive...
It feels as if this whole weight has been lifted, I havent had a drop to drink all week, no need now, not pondering the whys but now the when!!!!
I offered her space after work, a formally on email as she now wants, she came in, bedded children n locked herself in the bedroom!
I can't do anymore for her, I'm sleeping on sofa, going for a walk every night so she can chill!!!
I even done the family washing through the week only to find mine left out again today!
I can't wait to be completely free, I have my mojo back, something I lost a few years ago...

All was good, until I went out again today so she could have space, kids etc, I was surrounded by families, after 3 hours I had enough, I felt tired and wanted to get home!!

Feeling OK now, planning a fishing trip tomorrow. Something else I used to love! But has dwindled to be non existence..

I'll let you know how the catch is!! Tight lines!!!
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unloved and hated in marriage 2 years 5 months ago #65398

Once the decision is made that you are going to move forward, rather than look back, it can lift a massive burden from your shoulders that you perhaps never realised was there in the first place. Have a good day fishing - lots of time to just chill out.
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unloved and hated in marriage 2 years 5 months ago #65401

Hi I would off but today she turned it again, it appears now her well off uncle is assisting her to go, I offered her to walk on July 28th. On the condition she leaves me here, until I can have her removed.
I had put together a package to compensate her for the very little equity.
I don't want to do this now, I haven't agreed yet but I do want her to f*** off asap.
My concern is now I don't trust a word she says, ie child care, maintains her half of parents debt,house hold possessions..
Any ideas how I can tie this up??
I thought I had it covered amicably as she said but not anymore, I just hoping for a small lotto win!!!!

I am certain this is retaliation for my positive mood, throwing old clothes and starting to move on, she must of thought I had upper hand!!! Forgetting what she has done!!!!!
Hatred is setting in now for me
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unloved and hated in marriage 2 years 5 months ago #65414

Mediation is an option, it will enable you to sit round a table and get some agreements in place but its not legally binding I'm afraid. It might be a good idea to get some legal advice at this stage, particularly as she is moving the goalposts.

The trouble is she will be having her head filled with what she can get out of you and what starts out as amicable can quickly change into a bitter battle.

Theres a good website, with loads of information about the divorce process, here's a link

www.wikivorce.com

Here's a link to some helpful downloads by Advice Now about separating, divorce, children and finances.

www.advicenow.org.uk/tags/separation-div...n-civil-partnerships

Your resilience and strength of character will set you in good stead...I can't believe how far you've come in such a short space of time! It's good to see.

Just one thing....hatred is a very strong and divisive emotion, you need to remain focused and balanced...hate has the ability to warp and twist emotions and can be an obstacle to moving on.
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Not legally trained... just plenty of experience and common sense!
Last Edit: 2 years 5 months ago by Mojo.
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unloved and hated in marriage 2 years 5 months ago #65417

Goal posts definitely being moved daily, not sure if she wa bluffing last night but this morning before I left for fishing, I am a bully, she can go to a refuge, if I raise my voice she is leaving, I should help her with a deposit, if I don't I am harming my children, God it is endless and there is no continuity in what she says or claims..
I am not retaliating which is what I suspect she is after!!

Roll on tomorrow, might be another step forward..
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unloved and hated in marriage 2 years 5 months ago #65419

Be very careful she doesn't pull the harassment/non molestation charge on you....this talk of a refuge is worrying. She could apply for a non molestation and an occupation order.

Avoid all conflict and if possible keep some distance between you. Perhaps go back to the GP and have a chat about her erratic behaviour, at least then it will be on record... It might help further down the line.
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Not legally trained... just plenty of experience and common sense!
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unloved and hated in marriage 2 years 5 months ago #65485

I would seriously consider getting a small voice recorder - I agree with mojo that there is the danger she could be building to some allegations, and anything you can do to stop it being just her word against yours will help you out.
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unloved and hated in marriage 2 years 5 months ago #65507

Just catching up on this after a few days, You are proving that these things have up's and down's but you are seeming to bounce back from the downs which is great.

I think as you say your wifes reactions will be from your changes to improve yourself and your change in mood as already said don't rise too it of you will be drawn into something that she could report and then you will be on the back foot.

How did the fishing trip go did you catch anything?

GTTS
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