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I apologise now for the length of this but I need to tell my story...
I don't know where to start but I left my ex in May 2013 at first I moved into a shared house around the corner from the family home, payed both rents and saw my 2 children every day after work and every weekend whilst there mum went out all weekend and kept control of my life by having me look after whenever I wasn't at work.
Then with all mental and emotional pressure I cocked up at work and lost my job. I got a new one after a month but had to move in with my sister 60 miles away because I was living hand to mouth. Being back in my home town and seeing old friends sorted my head out but I had to be closer to the kids and still saw them every weekend as there mum would go out and I'd get the run of the house (I still paid all the rent). Then she a boyfriend and stopped letting me have them at the house but insisted I had them every weekend, knowing I had nowhere to have them. This is when it became every other weekend as I told her I need time to socialise and sort my life out.
I then met the love of my life and got my own place. Her new boyfriend moved in and the baby mama (bm) started getting erratic. Making every pick up and drop off awkward her new bf who threatened us over the phone for trying arrange to take the kids out on a week night to a fire work display. She dumped my car I let her have infront of my place after she crashed it and slashed the tyres. My van windows were smashed in the night but nothing taken, of course I had no proof who done it. She had the police sent to my place because she thought we were smoking in the house - they actually came and checked my flat out whilst the children slept. A few weeks later she ran me over. I called the police but was told it's a civil matter and there was nothing they could do without a court order. She literally dragged the children out of my car in the ballet club car park & ran me over with my kids in the car with no child seats and ran me over as I tried to stop her from leaving.
All the drama every other weekend caused my girlfriend to and our relationship because she couldn't put herself through it. That was 6 months ago, 1 month after I started a newer, better job but with a lot more pressure. Bad timing.
The BM saw the and of my relationship as an opportunity to up the anti not being in when go to pick the kids up, sending the kids over ill with no medicine, my little girl now screams until she can speak to her mum who offers to pick her up then takes my boy too because she's won't have one without the other.
She's now threatening to take my kids to Nigeria to go to her boyfriend's family home (She got pregnant with a guy from Nigeria 9 months after we finished) which i refuse to allow. She takes my kids to church which she never had any interest in religeon whilst we were together. My kids are being brainwashed. I'm suicidal and am planning on leaving for New Zealand because I feel powerless.
Everything I've said is the top of the iceberg. There's more [censored] going on but I don't have much family or friends in the area. I've exhausted myself emotionally, mentally and finacially and see no choice but to give up on my kids. It's all too much. If i don't I'm setting myself up for years of pain and I'm not strong enough anymore.
Hello BrokenDan,
You have had a dreadful time and still are doing by the sounds of it. There will be a lot of support for you from people on here, keep messaging so that we can all help you.
Your first step is to look after yourself. It is very difficult when you feel distraught and so tired but you must put yourself first for the time being and get yourself back on your feet.
Would it be a good idea to see your G.P. and tell him how you are feeling and why? He may offer you counselling and / or medication to help you get through this awful time.
I would also consider 'phoning the Samaritans. They are available 24 hours a day, every day and they will listen and are very supportive. The fact they are there, in itself is a comforting thought. You need never feel there isn't anyone to talk to because there is. Talking is good therapy.
It takes effort when you least feel like it but a walk in the fresh air every day would help also.
Been there mate and it's not nice, first up I'd say forget everything else and get your head straight first else you'll be good to no one especially your kids. Give the Samaritans a call I phoned them numerous time and they are fantastic they help you see the wood for the trees.
As MOF has suggested take care of yourself eat well sleep well and try and take your mind off things by keeping yourself busy.
Once you start to feel better then think about going to court and getting a child arrangement order for your children if you self represent it is allot cheaper than using a solicitor.
In the mean time try not to listen to your ex they will threaten allsorts to wreck your head and don't take it as gospel, try not to look too far into the future take every day as it comes I ended up taking every hour as it comes at some stages.
Also don't make the situation any worse ignore her threats ect don't enter into any arguments and end up in text, phone or facebook wars because she can make life very difficult and get a non molestation order on you.
A high majority of dads have been hrough this on this site so we will give you all the help and support to get things sorted so try not to worry.
All the best
Slim 🙂
Hi there
I'm so sorry that you are feeling so low, you've certainly been put through the mill and it's little wonder that you are feeling unable to cope.
As MotherofaFather says you must take care of yourself right now, take some time out and don't make any important decisions whilst you're feeling this way. Talking to someone is a good idea and the Samaritans are great at listening. There also a helpline called CALM that have a freephone helpline that's available 7 days a week until midnight. Here's a link to their website
Please do keep talking and we will do our best to support you, I don't think it's the right time to go into details about the options you have legally.....right now you are the priority and getting you to a better place is what's important.
All the best
HI There,
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I agree with everything above, many of us have been where you are now and it's natural when you feel so low to think there is no way out, but there is, as said start off by taking care of yourself, make sure you are eating, if you are struggling with eating, then eat small amounts throughout the day rather than trying to eat full meals, I know when I was struggling a full meal would make me feel ill just looking at it, but smaller snacks I could manage.
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Visit your GP and explain how you are feeling, they will be able to talk through options with you, whether that's some councelling or meds.
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There are plenty of options for the future but as already said you need to get yourself straight and able to deal with those otherwise the extra stress could well make you worse.
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Keep talking to us and we can support you through this.
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GTTS
I agree with everything that has been said. You need to make sure you are healthy as this will make you more able to face what is being thrown at you, and if you can start to be strong, then she isn't going to win as far as having control over you.
How are you today BDan?
It would be great if you could drop us a line or two just to let us know how you are, we all want to help and talking is a good first step.
All the best
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