Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
hi all dads, i am new here, i would like to say my story, i hope this is the right section.
As from the title, i have been seeing my kids for 18th months in a contact center, I will try to tell my story being as honest as possible, I've been accused by my ex wife of violence domesticate, she reported that i slapped her arm and i told her mean things in period we lived together these are the charges,but i never touched her with one finger, of course we had argument maybe we didn't love each other anymore but i never touched her.
i have message where i ask her why she did this why she said this things about me, she answered me as she wants make sure kids live with her, i gave this message to my solicitor thinking it was a good proof but nothing happened.
the court keep to postpone the fact finding, one time because judge was sick, another time because they wanted first a cafcass report, anyway it's 18th months like this, my solicitor telling me that this is really unusual for him and that most serious situations than this were resolved within 6 months, the court also tell me that can't change the contact center till we don't have the fact finding this because cafcass said without fact finding i have to see children with a supervisor.
it's like i don't have any right, no possibility, nobody asked me anything.
some other point of view would be useful
Hi
don't want you to worry , but ours has been going on for 2 years
mainly due to ex Complaining to Caffcass etc and they taking her side
good luck
I know,accepting the contact center makes me feel guilty but it's the only way I have to see kids, I try to see them regularly every week for a couple of hours, we have fun together but when it's time to go they run away, even for the kids It is difficult to see the parent in a small room, how is it possible that no one takes into consideration the fact that even for children see the father like this can be traumatizing ?
About the cost I think you are right if include also the contact center in 18 months I spent about 9k
Glade to hear that for you it worked, but honestly I am losing hope
Hi Leo85
I'm a mother who has a friend who went through a similar thing has you.
Social services class arguments has emotional abuse towards a child. if your ex is making allergations against you then they will view you has a risk to the children and insist on contact centre, which it sounds like you're already having sometimes the social services will ask for reports back from the contact centre to see how you are getting on at contact. I don't think you should feel guilty about going to a contact centre is just a starting point and your kids will miss you if they don't see you I know it's not ideal for your children I do agree with what you saying but things can change for you,contact can change eventually it's just at the moment the court has to work out who is telling the truth out of the both of you ( I think you)
The court process is slow you might come to a point where the court wants to do a fact finding if they do that's your opportunity to put your side forward if the court goes in your favour you will get unsupervised contact
If the court doesn't go in your favour you might be asked to do a domestic violence course if you complete that you could maybe receive unsupervised contact depending on how well you get on with the course.
My advice to you is attend all your contact centre sessions be on your best behaviour watch what you say in text and emails to you ex because that might come back on you. don't be rude to professional people social workers solicitors judge's etc and always tell the truth to them. if you have any evidence against your ex keep it safe also if your got any witness to anything you might need them too some people get character references too that's a idea because the judge and magistrates don't know what kind of person you are they just gave to make decisions on the day
I'm guessing this is a very difficult time for you but you need to stay calm and focused on your children
Good luck to you
Wow, 18 months at a contact centre seems really harsh. I hope you get it sorted soon. I will should be seeing my two girls for the first time at a contact centre this week, but hopefully this will be unsupervised in December. I really hope you get unsupervised contact soon, I cant imagine how much money you have to spend too.
I have asked multiple times for a fact finding hearing, but they refuse to because my wife wont agree to it? I know she is disagreeing to do it because she knows her lies would be pulled apart. She said in her statement to CAFCASS that she did not want the domestic abuse (which is all made up) to be a barrier, stopping me seeing the children, so I do not want a fact finding hearing" I do not understand how she gets to dictate in which direction this case goes, as I know she will get shown up for the liar she is.
Hey Leo
Really sorry to hear your proceedings have become so protracted. It is very unusual for things to go on this long.
Have they managed to schedule a new date for the fact finding? Do you have magistrates or a judge?
Hi yoda,
They have arranged a new date for new year, it's the third time they postpone and every time move the date another three months, I have a judge
I went in court on November 2018, there the court decided to proceed with fact finding and move everything in the city where kids lives, new date January 2019, in January the new court asked me if I want the share custody or just the visits, I wanted share custody,so they said we need a report from cafcass, the cafcass said to proceed with fact finding, so in March court decided to proceed with fact with a new date in July, in July they didn't have all documents so they postponed it in October, in October judge was sick so they arrange a new date in new year, this is a summary, all this because she say I slapped her arm and I told her bad things, 18 months of contact center
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.