[Solved] FALSE ALLEGATIONS THAT PREVENT ME FROM BEING A DAD

Hi there

If you've read through past posts you'll see that ex's making false allegations is far too common! Losing contact with a child is very much like a bereavement.... I'm sorry you are finding things so hard. It's important that you try your best to look after the basics, especially when you are going through court, as you need your strength. If you're having problems eating a full meal, then try and eat a little, but often. Lack of sleep can also take its toll, its often worth getting in the gym to tire yourself, sleep may come easier then.

With the non mol, it's pretty hard to get it scraped....courts will often take an easy out and ask the one accused to take an undertaking, they tell you that it won't effect contact, but it does, in as much as it slows the process down and creates more hoops for you to have to jump through.

When you went to court about the PSO was it decided without your knowledge, as an ex parte application from your ex? Were you given the opportunity to answer the allegations? Did the court deal with contact at the same time?

If you are going to apply for a Child Arrangements Order for contact, it's usual to attempt mediation first, but with the non mol in place, this probably won't be appropriate,your solicitor will advise you further on this.

It's a slow process and can put a lot of strain on you, be prepared for this...patience is your best friend. Forget trying to call your ex out, or expect her to be punished for lying, it rarely happens. Concentrate on being completely child focussed and conduct your case from that position.

Courts aren't generally interested in issues between the parents, they will ask for a safeguarding report from CAFCASS, which will involve an officer looking at police and local authority records to see if there has been any past involvement with you and your ex. It's best to be honest about any past convictions, don't go into [censored] for tat against the ex and try and rise above the nastiness and present yourself as calm and reasonable.

Hopefully, once the court are reassured that you aren't a risk to your child, they will want to move things forward and get contact up and running. This may be in a contact centre initially, these are the hoops you may be asked to jump through I'm afraid, but it won't be forever and if supervised contact goes well, the court should move it on. A lot will depend on the age of your child, if she is still very young, contact is more likely to be short visits, more often... as your child gets older and becomes more independent, contact should increase.

There's lots of info about the court process,in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, that you may find useful and we will do what we can to advise and support you through this difficult time.

I'm going to edit out the name of you child, it's better to try and remain as anonymous as possible, especially when going through court.

All the best

Hi there,

Read your post and said snap... Yes this is very common..... i'm in a similar boat but further down the line. also got non-mol, still contesting prohibited steps, occupation and child arrangement orders.

Mojo's advice is very accurate.... and very concise. There will be times where you reread this post in the future and the clarity of the advice will stand out like it never did before. The family court process was very different to what i expected and I felt that it took me quite a bit of time and experience to come to understand some of the advice given and the reasoning behind it (learning how the judges think compared to how i believed they would think.... and how the system works) in terms of whats happening and what it means to your circumstances..... i'm still very much a novice but have come to learn where advice is given here it is very very good,

I've had a little experience of the use of a solicitor when i first got served the orders and had them explained to me, but from the advice i was given by them, and from what i'd read around it was clear that you don't always get what you think your paying for..... that's not to say they are all bad.... especially if it gives you some piece of mind. i'm undecided about going back and using one for my final hearing.... but have done most of it myself so far.

Knowing where to start in all this is by far the most important.... and that starts with getting yourself sorted..... lack of sleep and food really takes its toll and further affects your mentality, reasoning, emotional control and resilience..... things that you will need to get through this. Your mental state is another big thing and you'll be going through grief, loss and rejection..... it hard mate.

I lost well over a stone in weight at the beginning, if i get five hours sleep then its a good night..... i've attended many counselling sessions and they really helped, the more you can get look after yourself now, the better position you will be in to be able to deal with this.

I've just seen your picture and it brought a big smile..... stick with it you'll get through this.