[Solved] Drafting a letter to arrange contact

3 months! Thats awful mate She's had plenty of time to come to an arrangement with regards to the kids I wouldn't be surprised if she is just dragging this out for as long as she can.

I think you will be flogging a dead horse in writing to her and you will be leaving yourself wide open for her to do you for harassment you've been very patient with her so far I'd be taking the next step and applying to court.

I so wished I'd started things earlier then I wouldn't have had to wait 10 months to see my Girls, before I started court proceedings I put up with my ex's constant excuses for 3 months she'd ignore me and would never even discuss the girls whilst constant leading me on like a dog.

Even if you did come to an agreement at mediation the agreement is completely worthless and doesn't hold any weight in court what so ever so your ex could tear the plan up at her will and you'd be back at square one.

By all means write to her requesting to see the children at Christmas you can point out it will be in the best interests for the children but she won't see it I'm sure, my ex is [censored] bent on making sure I dont see my girls at xmas like she has done on their birthdays ect this year, I can't wait to get this order so she has no choice and the past 18 months of pandering to her every whip will be over.

I reckon it's time to start playing hard ball mate, she'll flip out no matter what you do so you might as well get things set in stone with a court order.

All the best Slim 🙂

Thank you Slim, firstly for the support and for your advice.

I have been scouring the web, talking with friend who have a legal knowledge and been in regular contact with the local mediation service. It all points to the fact that due to new legislation I must try mediation before applying to the courts for a contact order.
As the official route has been 'postponed' I was hoping a letter might help me see the girls at Christmas.

To offer a little more insight to my current predicament I can tell you that my ex has a passion for making me suffer. NB. Trying to change my daughters surnames, changing schools, moving and not informing me as to where, getting the girls to refer to her new husband as 'Dad'..... The only thing I can attribute this behaviour to is the fact that I wouldn't take her back after her infidelities and have successfully move on with my life.

All this being said her use of the children as a weapon is a [censored] effective one, I have no idea what she is putting into their heads as to why I'm currently no longing a feature in their lives, I am longing to see my children.

If anyone who reads this can offer an emotionally detached idea for the content of my letter requesting contact visits over Christmas I would be tremendously grateful.

D4D

Yup me too my ex never wanted me to have anything to do with my child from the second she told me she was pregnant, she barred me from all the scans the birth she didnt even tell me when my daughter was born I never seen her for the first 5 weeks of her life, I've been barred from bdays xmas fathers day the works and she is seriously p****d I'm getting on with my life.

Yeah thats right you have to try mediation and I'm not sure what the point is where they deem it to be not working but I'm sure as your ex has stopped going then you must have the right to get a FM1 form as mediation has been tried, maybe someone else could advise as I was lucky my ex point blank refused to go which I thought was great as I could just crack on and apply to the court, I fully expected her to attend and just drag it out for months so it cost me a fortune, I'm so pleased I just went ahead with it all.

Judging by what you have said she's been up to I don't think theres a hope in hells chance a letter will make a blind bit of difference, 3 months is long enough not seeing your Girls like I said I'd get on the the mediators say it's been to long not seeing your girls and request a fm1 form so you can get the ball rolling.

I'd still give the letter a go if it makes you feel any better I couldn't come up with what you could write in it but I'm sure one of the lovely ladies on here could point you in the right direction NJ/1626?

🙂

Hi there D4D

Dear xxxxx

I thought I would write to you and request some time with the girls over the Christmas holidays. This is something that we would have discussed and hopefully reached agreement on during the mediation sessions, it's such a pity that they had to be postponed, although I understand your reasons for needing to do so.

It's been three months since I've seen the girls and I miss them so much, I'm sure they will be missing me too , especially at this time of year with Christmas so close. I know we've had our differences but I would like to begin to move forward and try and establish a good working relationship with you to enable us to co parent effectively and provide the very best environment for our daughters to grow and flourish. I hope you can agree that if we can get on for the sake of the girls they will benefit greatly.

I would like to put together a schedule of contact that works for both of us, so I thought I would suggest some days and times that I think would work. If you could have a look over them and make any adjustments, then we should be able to reach an agreement that suits us both, but more importantly will be in the best interests of the girls.

If we can get the ball rolling now I know it will help when we get back to mediation, there's no reason why we can't put the past behind us, at least that's my hope. I've attached my proposed schedule and I would really appreciate it if you could get back to me with your feelings and any suggests or adjustments you wish to make to it. I'd really like this to commence in the next couple of weeks, I think it's really important for the girls to get something in place for Christmas.

If you feel able you can call me and we can discuss this over the phone, though I'm happy with whatever form of communication you choose, I think the important thing is that we start a dialogue and get things back to some kind of normality for the sake of the girls, but also for us too.

I look forward to hearing back from you.

Best wishes
D4D

Then attach a schedule which suits you, maybe even offer a couple of options. Hope this helps give you some ideas.

Mojo

Thanks for the advice Mojo, an unbiased view was what I was looking for and your letter delivered in spades.

I sent the letter off on the 2nd December but unfortunately my ex-wife is still refusing me contact. In her reply she said that the girls themselves have asked not to see me. I think she is either stalling or trying to goad me into a negative response.

Is there a legal age that children can make these decisions?

I've no doubt that she is trying to turn them against me and possible make up stories about their safety and wellbeing when they are with me.

Hi D4D

How old are your children? Legally, the children have to be 16 when they make their own decisions but in court proceedings, depending on their age, their wishes and feelings would be taken into account.

I personally feel your ex is stringing you along and if she is saying the children don't want to see you and she is refusing to support contact, mediation is not going to be appropriate and you will be left with no other choice than court proceedings.

If you feel that you would like to proceed with a court application, it might be worth speaking with the mediator and asking if in light of this recent contact between you and your ex that they will now stamp the form for you? If they refuse, you could submit a C100 (attach copies of the communication with the mediation service and your ex) as there is a possibility the court may allow you to be exempt from continuing with the mediation.

Other members may have a different opinion but I really feel if you wait the 3 months to return to mediation that you're unlikely to reach agreement through these channels. Given that a first court hearing takes 4-8 weeks from receipt of the application, you will be faced with an extended period of time with no contact and it will be much harder to re-establish.

I'm so sorry to hear your ex is being so obstructive, it must be awful with Christmas approaching.

Good luck 🙂

Family courts will usually start really listening to the children's wishes and feelings at around the age of 10-12. The best thing to do would be to ask the judge at the first hearing to ascertain the wishes and feelings of the children with an S7 report which will be carried out by CAFCASS.

It's such a sad state of affairs that she is taking this stance, I'm sure your girls do want to see you, unfortunately children will often tell a parent what they think that parent wants to hear in situations such as this.

As 1626 suggests, contact the mediator and bring them up to date with your ex's obstructive attitude and her refusal to allow contact and ask them to sign off the forms to enable you to apply to court. As has been said, it's already been months since you've seen your children and no sign of her changing her mind.

Good luck.

Mate, you've got to draw a line in the sand that will be absolute rubbish that your kids don't want to see you, Your ex will say or do anything to pull your strings as I said before I'd be on to the mediators tomorrow, get an FM1 form and get the ball rolling with court, don't make the same mistake as me and leaving it and leaving it before I went to court, It's such a slow process I ended up not seeing my daughter for 10 months and I still haven't seen my step daughter in nearly a year, don't let this happen to you my friend.

You have to stand up and fight you have to it's not right your children have to be without a father it's not on!

Take care

Slim 🙂