Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Child arrangements order court order started in Oct 2017 for 4 year old child. I had child for a week from 30 Dec 17 - 07 Jan 18 and dropped off at mothers in line with court order. Day after received a text saying not seeing child again. Text back to say not getting involved in silly games. Have attempted text, Facetime and emails every few days to try and make some sort of contact but all ignored. Also threatened with harassment in 2nd text. 2 text, all other calls etc. unanswered. Have not gone round to the house as I know from experience last year she will make a scene ensuring child is distressed. She did this trick several times last year (had to video my life for 6 months to protect myself) and I would always remain calm and walk away saying I am not willing to discuss anything in front of the child. She would then start shouting and screaming, then go call the police.
Have spoken to social services and the police and they do not want to know and say it is a civil matter. Have also spoken to the nursery and she has instructed them to only let her collect child. I am supposed to have child on a 2 week program. first week I have child for the child for tea on night then for the weekend from the Thursday, followed by 2 nights in the week.
This all started because she saw child getting on with new girlfriend and finally got the message we were over (she called it a day).
Upside at the moment - We agreed that I would continue splitting nursery fees until child finished in July 18, and from then on I would pay her £260 a month in child maintenance if she did not go through CSA/Child maintenance. She has now applied through the child maintenance and I have been ordered to pay £240 a month. Have asked for her bank details but no reply. Fortunately I still have an account with her details linked to previous payments.
I have applied for a C79 to enforce the order as there is still no contact whatsoever.
What is the next process? Do I need to do some sort of position statement/full details of what is happening, alienation of child etc.? I also know she is going to be funny if I want to take child away and not provide passport etc., you can't take child with him or her. Court order did not go into these specifics and ordered us to work together but know I have this for the next 14 years. Any other advice please would be gratefully accepted.
Hi there
Once you've submitted the enforcement application, the next step would be for CAFCASS to carry out a basic report, prior to the first hearing.
It's helpful to prepare a position statement, which you can send in for filing a few days before, or take with you to the hearing, just a couple of pages explaining what the issues are, what you tried to do to resolve and what you would like the court to do. You could say that as it's proved impossible to work together, (reporting you for harassment when you try and communicate) the order requires more definition, so that you both understand what the conditions are going forward. In respect of that, you can ask for the order to contain instructions for extra time during school holidays and for exchanging the child's passport in a timely fashion so that your child can enjoy quality time away with you.
I would advise not trying to contact her, it's too easy for her to get an injunction and that might make your position more difficult.
One other thing, make sure your CM payments are referenced as such, otherwise she could try and say you haven't paid..
All the best
Do I need to send the Ex a copy of the position statement, and likewise her?
Very concerned about child's state of mind and what they have been told why I haven't seen them. It may seem overboard but is there some sort of assessment that could be carried out by CAFCASS or Social services, as I know once contact resumes the Ex will accuse me of putting things in childs head etc. When the Ex has already done it and continues to do so. It's a case of total alienation. She's tried it already and did it with her previous children 2 children (they are grown up now) from separate fathers. One father never saw the child, the other a handful of times of 16 years.
Also when contact resume, her current 'radio silence' will go the opposite way. When I have the child she will be calling and texting daily to speak with child. When I ignore i will get threatend with the Police etc. Can I have any privacy, or time uninterrupted with my child? Before Xmas she was already insisting on meeting new girlfriend etc. and no doubt will demand I march her to her house for inspection. Child has met girlfriend and had built up a good relationship prior to stoppage of all contact. Girlfriend does not live in the local area.
Thank You, your advice has been invaluable.
CAFCASS will be asked to do a basic safeguarding report, as in the previous hearing. All paperwork that you file with the court, should also be sent to your ex. If you don't want her to see the PS too soon, you can wait until the hearing and take it with you, having copies for CAFCASS and your ex too. Keep it brief, no more than a couple of pages and don't attach any evidence to it.
Mention your concerns about the constant interference and threats during your time with your child, perhaps offer a bedtime call to show you're willing to make a compromise.
Ex has played her silly games again. I've found out through the CAFCASS interview, that she has got the child to say I punched her. No one can say where or when etc. because it never happened, but now CAFCASS believe her. To say I was knocked for six was an understatement.
Don't believe I can take it anymore, and will cut my loses and withdraw my application for the Enforcement Order. It's become a joke as she has made my life [censored] for over a year and I just want to be left alone.
Another kick in the privates is the Child Maintenance has gone up another £150 a month to £390. How will I survive?
Crackers, no wonder so many people top themselves.
Thanks for your help anyway
Hi there
Im really sorry to hear that you're struggling, have you thought this through, or is it a knee [censored] reaction to the allegations?
I know it must be a shock, but any allegations that are made must be taken seriously... if she didnt report this alleged assault when it happened, why not? Surely that would have been the first thing to do.
Have the CMS increased the amount because the mother has told them that she has stopped contact?
Its tough for you at the moment, but without evidence of any assault, the court could decide to ignore the allegations once they've investigated them.
Best of luck
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.