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Hi guys.
My 14 year old son is smoking. That's nothing unusual you may say? My issue is he and his brother live with my ex wife and she is not only allowing it to continue but supplying him with tobacco. He also vapes with an e-cig, which although slightly better, it is still completely wrong at 14. Also they are both smoking in the car whilst his 8 year old brother is sat in the back seat. I have told him that I do not want him smoking or vaping here at my home at all. And that smoking in the car is totally illegal not just because his brother is sat there but because he is underage. This has been met with extreme hostility from him and his mother and we have now fallen out over it. I have the kids every other weekend but lately my eldest had made excuses not to come up as he knows how I feel about this. I used to be a smoker myself and yes before it was proved to be so harmful I too smoked in the car with the kids in there. Something I'm not proud of, but since I saw the harm it could do I stopped. I quit smoking almost 5 years ago for the sake of the kids. Something I have tried to explain to my son but he simply does not care. I really need some advice how to handle this situation as it is causing a huge problem for everyone, including my partner and stepdaughter who live with me. Has anyone else had to deal with this or does anyone have any idea what I can do? Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
Hi There,
.
You really are in a difficult possition, with the way things are you are looking like the bad guy, his mum is ok with him smoking so allows and and even encourages it, while you are saying he shouldn't be doing it, you are always going to be met with hostility, and I fear that he won't want to come and see you while you continue saying he shouldn't smoke, I agree with you 100% but I can't see any way around this other than maybe a compromise.
.
You don't want him to smoke and as I say I fully agree, but I don't think you will stop him whilst his mum is allowing it, the only suggestion I have is to say when he comes that he smokes outside and not around you.
.
GTTS
Hello,
I entirely agree with GTTS's comments, I would add, to smoke outside with the e cigarette as well. I think if your son comes to your house it would be advisable not to make comment to him about cigarettes when you see him outside smoking as I think he will take exception to this and want to go back to his mother.
I agree , even though we all know it's just plain wrong , wrong, wrong to permit and assist a 14 year old to smoke I'm also inclined to think that if the Mother allows it , trying to fight it is likely to backfire on you. My Dad ( who's word was absolute and when he said jump the reaction was 'how high'?) caught me smoking at 14 and despite all the lectures on the evils of smoking , grounded for a month and spending money stopped I furtively continued smoking . A little reverse psychology of telling your Son he is old enough to understand the very real dangers of smoking without making a big deal of it but insisting on smoking outside would also be my advice .
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