Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi all
This is my first post to pretty much any forum ever but I'm not sure we're else to turn.
I'm split from my x and have been having my daughter every weekend for over 5 years, I do have her more but let's stick with every weekend to keep it simple.
Over the last 3 weeks or so me n my x have been having major arguments involving CSA, contact and various other things of a similar nature.
My daughter has become very reluctant to want to come and stay with me over these last few weeks, even getting to the point of crying. She stayed with my aunt last week and my daughter has said it is because my partner has shouted at her. My aunt says she asked if I had done any thing n my daughter said no I love my daddy.
In all honesty my partner is new to dealing with children, she has not shouted at my daughter but does probably come across as been the meaner one out of us because I'm very laid back. I personally think this is we're the issue lies if indeed this is the reason. I do teach my daughter right from wrong tho, it's not left to my partner but she does assist were needed also. My daughter is by no means a naughty kid, in fact she's awsome.
We have all spoke about it, me and my daughter, my partner and my daughter and all 3 of us, but I still don't think we have got to the problem.
It's killing me inside to think after all this time my daughter doesn't want to be here. I personally think the arguments between me n her mum are been retold in front of her with the added [censored], clouding my daughters perception. I could just do with some advice from anyone who may have been in a similar situation.
Thanks for your time
Damien
It might be worth seeing if your daughter's school has a pastoral officer who can speak to your daughter. This will be confidential, but the officer can speak to you with your daughter's permission - that may be a way for her to ope up more about what she is feeling.
You don't mention how old your daughter is but maybe if you could get to speak to her just once, even if it's on the phone, you might be able to find out what's upsetting her and reassure her that you love her and want the best for her. Or even better, just spend some time having fun with her - things don't always need to be serious and some children prefer just to not discuss what's going on inside their heads. Having leisure time together might help her to open up in her own way and her own time.
Unfortunately I don't think there's much you can do with other people clouding her judgement. People will gossip and discuss sensitive issues in front of children not realising how it affects them. Perhaps you could talk to your ex and ask her and her family to discuss sensitive issue's whilst not in your daughter's presence. Explain that you are her father and no matter what problems you had together as a couple, they should have minimal impact on your daughter.
It could just be a phase or a temporary glitch. I have two daughters myself and they're emotional beings - as dads we sometimes don't realise what girls are feeling because we're made of different stuff.
What matters is that you show you love her and care for her and explain you just want her to be happy. Maybe you can fix things. I hope so for both of you.
My daughter is just over 5. This has escalated now, my daughter has told her mum she does not want to come here. My mum has my daughter everyweek so she is going to stay their and I'm going to take her out etc like we always have and build back up her trust or get to the root of the problem.
Sad times, my daughter has said she does want to see me though, she just wants it to be at my Mum's. We will get their. Thank you for your advice.
Thanks for your reply. My x has had a lot of involvement with professionals over the years mainly by ss making sure she can parent properly and we have held lots of meetings at school with such people.
My x is going back to the school to arrange a meeting their to try and get this sorted. I think she thinks it will be a kick in the [censored] n will hope they don't see me as the protective factor in my daughters life.
I'm hoping they will realise it is what it is n if it is because she doesn't like my partner then I don't no what I'm guna do.
Hopefully letting my daughter stay at my mum's n me take her out etc will work. Only time will tell I guess.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.