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So in need of advice. i am 25 and Have a son I love dearly but I am not allowed to have on my own...long story... all through our relationship there has been another man...my ex partners father. He has more or less taken my role and what he says she does. this has caused lots of stress, arguments and lead to my depression (which I hate to admit too). There is such a lot that could be said and has been done by him I feel as though I have lost my son. I don't know where to turn any more.
My own mother is a great help but only to a certain extent. I so want to be able to be a proper dad all be it part time but what can I do. she has made it quite clear that her parents come first and what her dad says she goes along with. Have been promised this time with him, that day with them, asked to stay over but if her dad appears or calls all that happens is she goes to there house, with MY son. Sorry for going on on my first visit but I am at my wits end π :boohoo: :unsure:
Hi, no need to be sorry, this what the sites all about, so welcome. With out knowing why you cant have your son on your own its difficult to advise. Are you still in a relationship ? sorry just read your ex.
Ok theres nothing to be ashamed about in being depressed, have you been to the docs and are you getting help ?
You can try mediation, so her Daddy !! wont be there and if he asks to be there you say no to the mediator, I think you have to get a meeting away from her Father. (I have a step daughter and trust me I know what bond they can have, im invisible when she is around, shes nearly 18 )
If you arnt working or on a low income you can get legl aid to mediate as it can be expensive Β£60 to Β£100 a session
If that fails you can apply for a defined contact order you can do this your self, if they have issues with you having your son on your own you can have him at a contact centre to start with.
Are you on his birth certificate ?
Hello again Tumsh....dont worry about going on, you havent! π We are here for you, to listen to you and to help where we can. We dont judge and there are many on here that have felt the way you do now. There are things you can do and there is a way forward.
As ak57 says, without knowing why you cant have your son on his own, its a little difficult to comment, but if you dont feel able to talk about it thats perfectly fine.
How old is your son? If still very young, then its natural for the mum to be a little over protective....babies have routines. Were you together when the baby was born? If not this could be another reason for their concerns, maybe they feel you havent had enough hands on experience with small babies.
Dads and their girls is something I understand, I was a Daddys girl too so I can appreciate what you're up against. Again ak57 has made a good point about getting her to agree to Mediation, as the Dad cant interfere there and it would give you a chance to talk through all your concerns and hopefully come up with some solutions that work for you both. Heres a link to their website ~ www.nfm.org.uk
Its understandable that you are suffering from depression, you've had a lot to deal with...often losing control of a situation is the catalyst for how you're feeling and the loss you feel makes it worse. I think once you start taking control of things and realize all is not lost, you should start feeling a little better about things.
If Mediation doesnt work you can apply to the family courts for a Contact Order. The court will always want both parents to be involved in their childs life, even if there are issues, as ak57 says, you would be allowed supervised visits at first, but that isnt forever and after a while, and as your son gets older, you will be granted more and more contact. Her Dad wont be allowed in court either! π Patience is your best friend at the moment!
Take a look at the stickys at the top of the Legal Eagle section, one is called Contact Order C100 Guide and this is the form you would use to apply for contact, and the other is Representing yourself in Court, both have lots of useful information that will be helpful to you if you need to go to court. Court is very expensive unless you are entitled to Legal Aid and so lots of Dads represent themselves.
One more thing, it would be a good idea to start a Diary and write in it all the efforts you are making to see your son, all the times arrangements are made and broken., keep all txts and emails, in fact anything that involves your son, keep a record of it. This will be helpful if in the future you do decide to go to court.
Good luck with everything and dont give up hope, her Dad may think he holds all the cards, but he is in for a shock isnt he! π
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