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OK, I'll try and keep this short!
I have 2 kids aged 4 and 6 who live with their mum and mums partner. I have been seperated form my ex for 3 years and divorced for 18 months. They used to live in the same village as me but 3 months ago moved 70 miles away, which is fine as we all have our lives to live. My job(armed forces) involved working a lot of weekends so when they lived close I would pick them up from school etc. However, living 70 miles away this was no longer possible and I would have to go periods of upto 6 weeks without seeing them. I left my job and got a Mon-Fri job so I could have my kids every 2nd weekend.
The trouble started when my ex said she would not meet me half way and I would have to do all the driving, I said no and finally she came around and agreed to meet half way. In 3 months she has never been on time, changed times and meeting place at last minute several times, all to my annoyance, however I just accepted it and kept quiet. Also in the last 3 months, she has been sending too many unnecessary text messages, for example at 9 pm she text me to remind my 6 year old that casulty was on tv....! She also called for half an hour asking me for advice as her mum was trying to make it awkward for me to have the children...again, I just put up and shut up.
2 weekends ago I was collecting my kids on the Fri evening to return them as usual on Sun evening, she asked me if I could return them on Sat instead as she wanted to take them somewhere, I said fine. At half 10 that night she sent a message asking if my 4 year old was ok as he had been upset earlier and she wanted to call him on the Sat morning. I said he was completely fine and there was no need to call as she'd be having him back the same day. The next morning after returning from the park, I have 7 missed calls and a 5 minute answer message telling me the level of contact she has with me is not good enough. I called her and explained I had told her he was completely fine but she was not happy with this and continued to give me a mouthful.
After I dropped them off, I told her I would be changing my number as I didn't need to take her abuse anymore and she could contact me by email from now on. I also said if there is a problem with the kids when I have them I will call her straight away.
I got home to an email telling me that if she does not have my new number then I will not see my kids.
This weekend, she did not let me see them saying it's not in their best interest and she needs to have my number first.
I am completely unwilling to give her my new number as all I get is abuse from her when it is not necessary.
I really don't want to have to take this to court but feel there might be no other way....
Any advise or opinions would be greatly appreciated.
Many Thanks
Hi there and welcome 🙂
...If I were you, I would go out and purchase a cheap pay as you go mobile...you can pick them up for £10. That way she has a number and you dont have to deal with abusive txts or calls to your regular phone anymore. You choose when you check the phone and so you have control of the situation. Job done! 😉
In addition to nj's excellent advice, try to have any conversations in future by text or email, rather than face to face - keep them all (transcribe the texts so they aren't lost) as they could be useful if you do go to court. If you do have a verbal conversation, transcribe that also as soon as you can to keep it as accurate as possible, with time and date.
Regarding the transcribing of texts......if your phone can take pictures of its screen (i know my iphone can not sure what others can) then you could keep them that way.
I did this and then added the images into a WordDoc adjusted the size then printed them off. you could always take digital pic of each text and do the same i guess.
just a thought to save on writting or typing or the ex then saying that's not what was said....its there in screen capture...
Remember to include your responses as they are usually not one sided conversations.....you have to show both sides of the conversation not just her abuse to you.
I called my ex a "Stupid B*tch" in one of mine.....i added it in the subitted to court.....her legal team tried to say i was being abusive with my language to her.....but when the judge read the whole conversation that had gone before i text that statement he agreed that the choice of words weren't the best but understandable given the frustration and her unreasonable demands!
remember to try and stay clean....anything you say no matter how emoitional you were at the time will be used by her to try and gain the upper hand....its hard but don't bite back....remember you'll have the higher moral ground and that will be better for you in the long run.
I agree about email, ive now told the beast thats the only way she can now contact me, unless its an emerganicie
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