[Solved] Children and religion

I would possibly come at this from a different perspective - what would be the consequences on the relationship and contact etc if you were to try to stop it, and realistically, would you actually be able to prevent it. It may be one of those times where you are better cooperating and becoming involved so that you are left on the outside.

Hi actd

im not sure i completely understand what you mean please elaboration lol

my relationship with the Exs family is tense. the court/social services advised me there are to have minimum contact due to the allegations my ex made on her step father and because my exs family cant accept the possibility that the allegations are true and actively believe they are false they would have little difficulty in allowing any contact with my children. they see no risk. honestly i dont understand it myself completely

my ex recently has been suggesting that it was all dropped and her step dad should have more contact with the children. suggesting she again is not prepared to fully protect the children.

my situation is highly complicated as you may have guessed, i primarily take advice from my family and support network my mum especially though she generally takes the hard line. i take a softer approach as i am quite emotional. we tend to meet in the middle dependent on how everyone feels about it

i do feel it important that my children not feel pressured in to doing anything or not doing anything and feel freedom and time should be allowed for them to make there own conclusions

after i came out of court i came out stronger then i though i would,

could i stop it? more than likely.
Should i is the question
should my children be allowed to choose

Hi,

How old are your children? I think that makes a difference on how old they are to make decisions for themselves. My real concern would be them coming into contact with the Step Father. Does it not concern your ex?

Hi

I think I have got the wrong end of the stick completely, and if so I apologise totally.

Are you the resident father? If so, then you take your ex's views into account,but the decision is yours until your children are able to make their own minds up. If your ex's family have been deemed by the court to be unfit as a family, then their motives are suspect in my view.

Hi again

@springchicken my children are 8 and 5. as stated my exs family are deeply religious. my ex see little problem with the children seeing there step grandfather. she states that the complaint she made to the police never went as far as him being charged (lack of evidence). in spite of both social services and family court judge advising the children have as little to do with the person they know as granddad as possible. absolute minimum. being religious and having confession ect they may see the issue as closed

@actd my children live with me as i won the residency case in family court. my ex made a statement to the police that her step father sexually abused her between the ages of 13-17. i am inclined to believe this as his attitude when i first met her family was very erratic. the step dad used to become very aggressive if for example one of the daughters interrupted his football. also the statement my ex gave was highly detail with dates times and places. detailed enough for social services to take seriously.

i take everything that comes from my ex and her family with suspicion. further more my exs family do not believe the statement my ex gave and as they cant accept even the possibility anything happened nor would i be able to trust them if they did they also cant have unsupervised contact. its very complicated but that's what the social worker advised me. part of the problem is there is not end plan. nor social services or the courts had suggested and time limit that's left me to believe this should continue indefinably. at least till children are old enough to understand and informed about the situation

my relationship with the exs family has became increasingly tense. my exs mother is becoming increasingly public about how she feels. though the have made no attempt to counter the argument that they shouldn't have just supervised contact. i have become inclined not to visit them due to the uncomfortable nature

I can't say I disagree with anything you've said - ultimately, you have residence and the welfare of your children is down to you, and part of that is your feelings about whether they are safe. Generally, supervised contact is for 6 months, but my daughter had been going to the contact centre for close on 6 years (supervised at first, then supported), and if her mother hadn't recently stopped contact (in theory, she can't afford it), then it would have continued until my daughter felt she didn't need the contact centre any more. If the courts have left it to you, then it matters not at all how vocal your ex's family are becoming, except, as you say, that you will be less inclined to assist contact as often.

My Ex re-found her faith (Islam) when our son was born. As we'd had issues with her family when we got married (death threats etc), we agreed to allow future kids to know about Islam and also other beliefs & that we wouldn't force a child to follow any religion.

Within 4 months of our son being born, she stopped eating non-Halal meats & insisted I did the same - or at least not eating it (and drinking alcohol) infront of her & our son - which I did. I was only drinking around 4 units a week anyway.
After our son was only 7 months, she left me & took our son saying that I have been "a good father and husband but she and our son can't be with a non-believer."
I'm currently applying to the courts as she only lets me see my son at her parent's house which is 165 miles away from where we lived. About a 5 hour round trip for me. Normally I get an hour with him before he gets tired.
She's said that he can't spend time with me without her as "He needs his mum" and "you might give him alcohol or pork" - he's less than a year old....
Since moving out of our family home, she's started speaking to our son only in Punjabi - even though English is her 1st language.

It's our son's 1st birthday soon, she's planned a "Family Party" for his birthday. I'm not invited. I can see him for an hour or so on another day.

I believe that as a father, married at the time of his birth, I have an equal say in our son's religion.
I don't want to stop him from learning about Islam or the 4 languages that her family want him to learn before he learns English.
I want him to learn English as his 1st language (as he's British, of British parents, living in Britain) and be able to choose his religion when he's old & wise enough to make an informed decision.

This could show her caring personality, I had a major stroke 5 months before our son was born and a minor stroke 8 months later. She won't work again as "her job is a mother" & she left me with £14k of debts. I have to work full time just to pay the debts & CSA. I could choose to give up work and the debts would be cancelled. But I want a better life for my son instead of having both parents on benefits.