[Solved] SS wanting to view my new flat?

So as i can't message her as she wishes me to make contact through her dad, i asked the question is she prepared to go through mediation to resolve the issue around contact.

The response was that her solicitors have advised against it due the nature of our relationship.

There was no DV involved so i dont get that? As mediation doesnt have to take place in same room etc?

Is this right? Can she just skip mediation? I was also then informed i shall be hearing from solicitors in due course.

I find it all a bit difficult this as she has a history of lying.

Hi there

The response from her solicitors is very telling, as the only reason that mediation would be accepted as inappropriate by the family court, is when there has been previous, provable DV. As she has a solicitor, she has either applied for legal aid, citing DV, or she is paying for it herself.

Your only options now are to wait to hear from her solicitor, or to go ahead and make the application yourself. It's possible that her application for legal aid could be turned down, if there is insufficient evidence of DV.

The "hearing from her solicitors in due course" probably means they're waiting for confirmation that legal aid has been awarded before acting for her. I would ask the Dad for the name of her solicitors so that you can correspond with them, as you're not prepared to wait, whilst contact with your children has been stopped.

You don't need the name of her solicitors to make the application, can you print off the email/message as proof that mediation had been refused? You can send that in with your application, or take it in person and explain at the desk what the situation is regarding mediation.

All the best

Hi there,

I've asked for details of solictor but the message has been ignored. What would I ask them if they were to give it to me?

I've read about legal aid for DV as i've had the info sent to me, none of the relationship comes under that. Was just a complete breakdown of our relationship over years. She always accussed me of having affairs when i was late from work, would text me abuse who i was with and what i was doing with whom. I just had enough and called it day, but its seems to have turned on to me.

Her advice seems wishy washy to me, ringing the school to say i have no contact to which they can't enforce as there is no court order. Advised Social care visit my new home and after speaking with them they would not sanction as no safe guarding issues.

She only rang the school stop me going my daughters sports day next week, so im at a loss with what i do now. I dont want to make any situation worse, but i want to see my girl at sports day.

Feel im up against a brickwall as can't afford to proceed with anything and would appear i can't get legal aid.

You can proceed without a solicitor so cost shouldn't be a bar to you continuing. I wouldn't force the issue at school, certainly you need to speak to them beforehand, if you ex kicks off, the school may force you off the premises and you don't want to fall out with them as you may need them on board later on.

As I said, I think they're stalling for time to get the legal aid in place. If they forthcoming with the solicitors name, you can write and request that mediation is attempted to try and sort contact out.

Speak to the school about attending sports day, sound them out and see what they say, agree to stay away from her and not to approach her and take someone with you for support.

As actd says, you don't need a solicitor to make the application to court, but you could attend the mediators yourself and leave it to them to write to her and ask her to attend, at least you will get a definite yes or no, if she refuses, the mediator willl sign the form to enable you to take it to court.

You're not alone in not being eligible for legal aid, it's no longer available for private family law cases, unless there's been DV. Many dads here have had much success doing it without a solicitor.

The school have no issues with me going, i am very nervous though as im not sure i wave or say hello or anything tbh. Just want to give her a huge hug but i know that wont be possible.

I'm a little scared with how to proceed as she is very good at manipulating things. I've been in CAF meetings about my son who is 11 and autistic where she's lied out her teeth and got others on board with her.

The whole situation is getting me down tbh, i message each time i used to have contact with her dad asking can i have the kids, or have together if they feel i treat them unfairly. Now i don't even get a reply, hurts me each time i ask.

Im at a loss as i've not been horrible since i moved out or had any arguments. Shes had a go at me over things which i don't rise to. 3 months ago i asked for my external hard drive as it had my pics of the kids on and my cv, she said it was given to me with other stuff. It wasn't, so i asked again and i get the 'stop messaging me about or i will call the police' so i left it. That breaks my heart as i now have no pics of the kids from when they were young.

Hi there

I'm sorry you're struggling with the split.. it's a tough time for you. Photos are precious, it's a way of hurting you more...if you get to court you could ask for the return of them then.

As far as the school is concerned, I think it would be a good idea to take someone with you for support, you will feel less isolated on the day. I don't see any reason why you can wave and smile at your daughter to be honest, she may decide to come over to you, but if not, I'm sure she will be happy that you're there.

I would definitely reconsider going to court, even without a solicitor it's doable and we will support you. It might help if you attend a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area, where you'll find others in a similar situation and can get face to face advice and support. Here's a link

www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support-2/local-branch-meetings

Just be very cautious, don't try and contact her as she may try and get an injunction out on you, go and see the mediator, she has refused mediation so get the forms signed and make your application. It will put her on the back foot, rather than waiting for her to make all the moves.

All the best

I got a letter today from her solcitor saying a few things, sadly none of it true, but it did agree for me to me my son and daughter on a friday after school until tea time which is huge.

The only thing in the letter that concerns me is 4 weeks ago i had the keys back to the house we still jointly own. I noticed she had changed the barrel. So when i handed the key back i said to her you should of informed me or agreed to change the locks as we still jointly own the house. She denied it, but it was a brass lock barrel in place and not the silver yale one i replaced last year. She got very anger and lost her temper slaming the door in my face and swearing at me with my daughter present. Then she made the claim i had to as you keep entering the house. I have never once entered that on my own since i moved out, anything i've never needed i have text asking for.

Her solcitors states i should not enter her house ( which is not true as its not her house, its jointly owned ) and that if i did again she has been advised to call the police and i could face an NMO. This concerns me as its not true at all and upsets me greatly. How do i reply to her solcitor over this keeping it factual?

Hi there

I would write and say that for the record, since you left, you have never entered the house and that any requests for property belonging to you had been made via text, which you have proof of. Further, that the requests for the return of your property have been largley ignored by their client.

I would also say that contact with the children is your priority and you understand that their client has been advised by them, that mediation isn't appropriate due to the nature of your relationship. Ask for confirmation of this, so that you can take the appropriate action to secure arrangements for contact.

You could point out that mediation is a requirement, before a court application can be made, and that as there has never been any history of domestic abuse, you are at a loss to understand their stance.

I would end by saying that you have liaised with your children's school concerning sports day and that they have no problem with your attendance. Ask that their client respects your right as a parent to attend such events and that she maintains a good distance between you and allows the children to have some interaction with you as is normal.

All the best