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Spurgeons and Dad.Info doesn’t investigate reports of abuse or neglect. But below, you can find advice on who to contact if you have concerns about a child or young person.
Reporting a concern
It can be difficult to know what to do if you think a child is at risk. It’s important to remember that if you’ve spotted things that don’t seem right, others will have too. Speaking up can make sure that child gets help as soon as possible.
The sooner you contact your local children’s social care duty team, the quicker they can act. They’re available 24 hours a day, and can make an anonymous report if that feels safer. If a child is in immediate danger, please call the police straight away by dialling 999.
Report child abuse or neglect to your local council
Use these links to get in touch with your local council:
Hi everyone. I am a partner to Xxxxxx, who has a little boy. I am also mum to a little boy. I'm looking for advice on what the best thing to do for my family is? I'v known My stepson for x years, he has always lived with his mum but before he stated nursery my partner had him most nights out of the week which over time has dwindled down to none. She dropped the bombshell that there was to be no overnight stays as it would make his behaviour improve and he had to learn to do as she said.
Since aged x, he has been a general mess, clothes to small, no hygiene to speak of, mum's house is a pig sty. She got him an appointment with CAMHS and a psychologist, as, according to her, his behaviour was wild. All assessments and tests etc. came back with nothing for ADHD/ADD/Dyspraxia and everything else she has claimed he has wrong with him! His behaviour in school is appalling, his appearance, school work, homework never done, just another mess.
He has said all sorts of things! From his uncle showing him his own [censored], to his mum grabbing him by the throat and flinging him into a fire place, to him biting himself and causing bruising and bite marks on himself. There has been countless times he has came to our house with black eyes, bruises, lumps, cuts etc
My partner has done nothing about any of it but I know that he is extremely scared to in case he never see's his son again 🙁 We started court proceedings to get overnight stays back and since then his mum has been vile. He came to us in July for one of his visits and he was a riot! He said his mum had lost her temper with him and dragged him to his room but this was while he was peeing, he had a cut on his arm which he said was from her nails from her dragging him. She left him in his room all that day and night with nothing to eat and didn't check on him till the next morning! . One of his mums friends dropped him off at ours and he was in dirty clothes (maybe from when it happened?) She said she had hi for the previous night or 2 (I can't remember)!
When we went to drop him off back at his mums (an hour and half round trip) she wasn't in! One of her friends told us she went away to a festival the night before! He was in tears and we had to drive all the way back home. I convinced My partner to contact SS, they advised my stepson stay with us till they investigated it which he did. We heard nothing from his mother. They told us she wasn't allowed to see him and was only allowed to have supervised phone contact. A week and a half into the investigation (2 weeks since she would have seen him last) she turned up at my door! Tried to get into the house and everything.
Then SS came back and said that mum had been deemed not a risk and he was to go back to her and that police weren't taking the cut any further... when we dropped him off he just went into the house and we never seen him for a month and half after that. Our current position, by court order, is every Saturday 10am-3pm (which we agreed to as our stupid lawyer advised us to!). I'm the undertaking though, so ******* to have no contact with me at all.
Saturday just gone, when my partner was on his visit to see his son he told him that his mum had grabbed him by the back of his neck and flung him into his room when she lost her temper, he said that it happens quite alot. He wears his school shoes on visits but complains that these are too small and hurt his feet. He was very honest and told my partner that nothing has changed in the house or at school but that he is trying to be better behaved and he had only been given into trouble a few times, other times he's just had a talking to.
I feel like, for the safety of my gorgeous step son we have to tell SS again! My partner seems to be not too keen on it though. But I don't feel like that's fair, not to sound mean, but shouldn't he just do the right thing. If anyone has any advice I would be very grateful! I'm hoping that if it comes from other dads then it might matter more because when I try to tell my partner or talk to him about it I feel like I get no where really 🙁
Sorry it's so long, I hope I'v gave a good picture and answered any questions that might be needed to give advice!
Thanks
Hi there
I've just read through your post and edited out all names and ages, this is a public forum and its best to remain as anonymous as possible when sharing personal details.
This poor child really does need to be protected, SS can be very lax sometimes but I don't think you should leave it there....did they speak to your stepson about what is happening?
I think it's important to keep a record of the events that he tells your partner about, if he has any injuries they should be photographed and then your partner should take him to the A&E department and encourage him to tell them about what has been happening and how he is being treated. They are duty bound to get the child protection team involved and they should start to take it seriously.
I can understand your partners hesitation, when having reported her nothing is done, but there comes a point where you have to put the childs safety first and if he was badly injured the next time she throws him across the room your partner would never forgive himself.
It might be helpful to call the NSPCC helpline too and ask them if there's anything else you can do.
Best of luck
Hi There,
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I agree with Mojo, SS aren't doing what they should, And again I can understand why your partner doesn't want to go through it again after nothing was done, that said his son needs to be protected or as Mojo says the next time it could be a whole lot worse.
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Children have ways of pushing buttons but that doesn't give a parent the right to do these things.
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It may be worth seeing if your partner would join us on here for a chat, it's not just about this issue but all his issues in general, he may find it useful.
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GTTS
How old is your step son? If he is old enough and wanted to live with you, depending on his age - his wishes may be taken into account.
Mojo and GTTS have given you good advice in the mean time.....
...I deleted names and ages of the parents and children for anonymity sake...he's not quite old enough for his wishes to carry weight, but old enough to be listened to.
It's just awful to read stories like this and unfortunately all too common for SS not to act in the childs best interests. All too often the mothers are believed and their rights placed above that of their children! Grrrr