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hello all
i have just started a relashionship with a female that has not long since split from her husband.
the problem is that he keeps giving my girlfriend lots of trouble saying things like i can not be around his children even thou they no longer live together. we have spoke to a social worker and they have have said its upto my girlfriends choice weather or not i spend time around her kids.he has then started saying that he is going to pay for a check to be done on me and things like that and its really starting to get my girlfreind down and my self over this matter can some one please clear up weather or not he can do any of this sorry if this is very confusing.
Hi xxAnthonyxx,
Welcome to Dad Talk. I hope you don't mind me creating a new thread for your post... I hope it helps you get replies from other members.
I'm sorry to hear your girlfriend is experiencing trouble from the husband she has split from.
Its good that you've spoken to social services and found out that they say its your girlfriend's choice whether you spend time around her/her husband's children.
I guess someone can pay to get background checks done on another person but I have no idea how he would do this.
I think that if her husband had specific concerns about you the normal process would be for him to inform social services. You have already been to social services so it would appear they are satisfied with things.
Is it possible that he finds their relationship is very raw at present because of their recent split. Perhaps he is finding it hard to adjust. I haven't split from my wife but would guess that there are a lot of high power emotions going around for him.
What do other members of the family think about the situation? Are they being supportive? Are they taking sides or keeping out of the whole thing?
I hope other members on the forum have some helpful thoughts to support you both.
When you say that your girlfriend has not long since split from her husband, I assume that this was her choice, and not his, in which case, he is probably still feeling very bitter, and is trying to use anything possible to get back at her.
Bottom line is that the children live with her, and he can't do anything about this - he can do some check I suppose, but the only way I can think of is googling you and/or a private investigator. On the assumption that you aren't an axe-wielding monster, he isn't going to get anywhere with either, in which case, he won't get a residence order (assuming he even applies for one) so has no control over the situation at all (this is probably one of his gripes). If he is harrassing your girlfriend, then you should keep a record of all conversations, messages etc (good as well as bad, so that the record is complete) - it won't look good for him in court if there's any action under the children's act, and you could potentially look at getting an injunction.
Above all, support each other - your girlfriend is probably having a worse time than you realise and she needs you to help her through it.