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i need advice PLEAS...
 
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[Solved] i need advice PLEASE Anyone!


Posts: 1
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Topic starter
(@magnus)
New Member
Joined: 12 years ago

I am a dad with two kids by my ex. I have had custody of them for over 5 years now and she has only recently gotten visitation overnights in the last year after supervision by her parents and she had to remain clean off drugs and alcohol. She also in the last 5 years has self harmed, had numerous partners , and heavy drinking and drugs. She certainly has mental health problems and has a police record over 900 pages long. I found out that over the last 4 visits she was drunk every time, she stayed up late blasting music and partying with my kids in the house, kicked her boyfriend out and had another male show up 10 minutes later to stay the night. The next morning my 13 year old had to kick the new guy out as my ex was too messed up to do it. Then to top it all off I found out that this past weekend when I denied her visitation due to this awful behaviour she went and did cocaine with some random guy and her oldest son had to go and pick her up from a hotel to "save her". Thoughts?

4 Replies
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(@dad-i-d)
Joined: 14 years ago

Noble Member
Posts: 1306

My honest opinion..........Why are you still allowing her to be around your kids unsupervised!!!

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(@Nannyjane)
Joined: 12 years ago

Illustrious Member
Posts: 5426

Deny all contact and contact Childrens Services, I would imagine they have been involved because of her history...I think the children need to be protected from her.

I assume this has been to court so I would apply for a variance of contact or even an Emergency Protection Order. This is usually something that the Social Services would apply for but concerned family members can also apply for this.

If she has a contact order stating that she can have overnight stays then she could go back to court for enforcement... but then you have really good reasons for breaching the order. I think speaking to the agencies that have been involved and make them aware of the very real risks involved for your children is your first step. If you go back to court to stop the unsupervised visits you should ask for drug testing to be done on a regular basis because of her history and also police reports. Your children are old enough to be consulted by CAFCASS and could theoretically go into court to speak to the judge.

Its such a pity for the children that they have to go through this, my son is in a similar situation and its a never ending problem trying to facilitate contact with a mother that causes so many safeguarding issues..,we are currently in the middle of a court case to vary her contact because of her behaviour and risks to my grandson....its a minefield!

Heres a link to a very informative website, coincidentally called The Custody Minefield!

www.thecustodyminefield.com

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 actd
Registered
(@dadmod4)
Joined: 15 years ago

Illustrious Member
Posts: 11890

What are your kids view on contact? At 13, the courts are going to take account of his views on contact. I agree with NJ's advice (and dad-i-dads opinion, for that matter) - if there is to be contact, I think it should be indirect contact, or at the most supervised contact at a contact centre (where they will refuse to allow contact to take place if she turns up drunk, and you have an independant witness), plus she needs to give a legal undertaking to the court not to drink/drug for 24 hours before contact (breaching the undertaking is contempt of court).

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(@Enyamachaela)
Joined: 12 years ago

Honorable Member
Posts: 539

I so second the replies you have had on here and at the end of the day, the children (and they are still children) are being put at risk, if Social Services become aware that you know of the situation and don't do anything about it, you too are putting the children at risk. You must contact the agencies and only supervised contact, if she is not drunk or high! And if there s a court order, you would be in breach, but in light of the danger the children are in, the Courts would consider your action reasonable.

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