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Hey, I recently joined this group as no one will accept my worries.
My girlfriend has just told me, I am going to be a dad or the first time, so I am excited..........
Unfortunately there have been rumours surfacing about my girlfriend's parents and it is worrying.
When we got together, she painted a very dark picture off both her parents, abuse, mentally and physically,
I have also been told sexually, from another close family member. But my girlfriend denies this.
There is also suppose to be a big file on her father and uncle at social services,
Her father also had his older children removed from his care and I might be looking to far into this, but I am generally worried.
Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.
The Ghost
Hi Ghost - that is a tough situation...
[Sorry, First I need to put my moderator hat on and say we don't give advice on the forum area!]
I think you are right to have concerns - you want the best relationship with your girlfriend and the best for your child.
At least you have time to work through some of these areas, I assume you did not notice she was pregnant before she told you?
Any one have comments in this areana?
Ghost, thanks for your post.
Firstly, as a moderator i am duty bound to say DadTalk is a community of dads to share ideas and not is not an 'advice' centre at such.
However, I do hear your predicament and your very really concern about your unborn child.
My understanding is that in order for any child to be removed, Social Services must have reason to believe there to be a risk of 'significant harm' to that child. Is your girlfriend willing to talk about what happened? Obviously, it would be worth reassuring her of your love and desire for the best for her and the baby as part of this!! I can imagine this won't be an easy conversation...
One of our moderators is a trained social worke so i will ask them to give their view - however they are not online this evening. I will forward your post on and ask if they can help.
Hope this is helpful for now.
Yeah, some of it is,
I am just confused on the whole situation, unfortunately my girlfriend since finding out about her pregnancy has gone quiet, thinking she has to deal alone, I try to reassure her, but she doesn't listen.
I don't know what or how to get things started in trying to find out about their past, as it is my first time in this situation.
But her parents have never liked me, because they cannot control me, like they could my girlfriends exes.
I was just at a lost end and needed advice, from an outsider, who couldn't pick sides.
Yeah, we live together, she doesn't listen to me, very much like her mother, no one else has an opinion, if she thinks it's right, then sod everyone else, I have tried talking to her about her Mum's fetish of seeing her naked, her dad's beatings of her, she use to be very open about her past, until a family member reckons she was sexually abused by both her parents, which has led me to question why was her dad's older children taken off him and does this file exist at social services.....
Especially during the first pregancy many women start to re-evalute many things. Have you had a scan yet? Without forcing the issue try and make sure you are with her when she has it. Going to the scan and hearing the heartbeat flor the first time suddenly makes it very, very real - and maybe that will allow you to start talking a bit more.
Some areas they will do a dating scan at 12 weeks (sorry if you already know this), if there is an option suggest you go for it with her - and try and help the disucssions get going...
Is there some other part of your relationship that you both have issues over - maybe trying to make peace (might involve swallowing some pride!) in another key area will allow discussions to re-open in the really important area.
Ghost - i think the key thing is not whether this 'file' exists or not - cos that feels like something you may never know?? Or even what they have done in the past - but isn't it about you keeping your child safe in the future? To my mind even if the abuse has occurred isn't the key about you keeping the your child safe and not leaving him or her with anyone you don't feel comforable with - period? As TheOrb said if your partner is early pregnant there are the next 6-9 months to contunue to work this thru with her...
My other thought is that you seem to mention alot of stuff about your partner and her relationship with her parents - has she had any support to process the stuff shes been through?
Happy to keep talking - this is all part of what DadTalk is for after all!
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