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ex partners and new...
 
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[Solved] ex partners and new boyfriend

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(@Anonymous)
New Member Guest

My ex partner recently left me for someone else. we stayed in a two bedroom flat and our 14(now 18 month old son stayed in same room) . i used to sleep on sofa mostly but that was probably because she wanted rid!

her elder son had other room

she now has a new partner and he stays overnight in the same room as my son

she does not view this as being wrong

has anyone else experienced this and what advice could they give

Quote
Posted : 12/08/2009 12:05 am
(@buzzlightyear758)
Reputable Member Registered

newsingledad - have you been able to have a discussion with your ex about your concerns? What was her response?

If you have any child protection concerns about her new partner you need to contact your local social services (children's services). They are able to run local police checks within hours and a full crb (criminal records bureau) check, as well as to check if the mans name is known to them for any other reason.

I would say it is reasonable to have concerns about another man sleeping in your child's bedroom, but also crucial that your motivation is to protect your son, rather than to make life difficult for your ex (tempting as that may be)

\ Buzz

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12/08/2009 2:12 pm
(@Anonymous)
New Member Guest

Buzz.

i have spoken to her about it and she thinks that it is no differfent that when she has her pals staying overnight in the same room

ie she has a double bed and when her female pals satys they share her bed and when her boyfriend stays he shares her bed

our son is in his cot at the end of the bed and generally he is awake very early so will be seeing someone there

i cant see how it is the same as her pals staying and he has known then since he was born and theyn have babysit for him so he is used to to them.

i mention it and she thinks i am being unreasonable.

when i have spoken to people at work i actually find that most of the guys said no way and the girls were horrified

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13/08/2009 12:47 am
(@dadmod4)
Illustrious Member

I can see your point of view, but to some extent, I can also see hers, in that there is no real alternative and it's not unreasonable that she should have friends (male or female) to stay since you have split up.

Could your son stay out of the bedroom with you when she has someone over to stay?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13/08/2009 3:35 pm
(@Anonymous)
New Member Guest

my fiance just left and moved right out into her own place and has had a man there. he has a criminal record, and she is taking our daughter around him when i wont allow it because he is not allowed to see his own children until just recently. is there anything i can do to stop her from taking my child around him. please let me know. thank you.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24/08/2009 4:28 am
(@JJ now saved)
New Member Guest

Hi Scott

We have asked our legal experts for advice, they will respond directly to the thread so keep posted as it may take a few days

JJ

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24/08/2009 2:21 pm
(@Anonymous)
New Member Guest

thank you , i greatly appreciate it. i will keep posted.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24/08/2009 8:40 pm
(@childrenslegalcentre)
Honorable Member Registered

Dear Scott

Unfortunately, your ex-partner has a right to introduce your daughter to whoever she deems to be suitable. Likewise, you are also allowed to introduce your daughter to a new partner. However, if there are concerns about a possible risk to your child from your ex-partner’s new partner then you do have the option of informing social services of the arrangement.

Following a referral, social services will then have to decide within one working day whether to:

• conduct an assessment of the child’s needs:
• make a referral to another agency for provision of services;
• provide advice or information to the family; or
• take no further action.

If your ex-partner’s new partner is known to social services and is considered a risk to your child then appropriate action will be taken to safeguard your child.

You also have the option of making an application to court for a residence order. If your application to the court was successful this would mean that legally your daughter would reside with you and your ex-partner could not remove her from your care without your consent.

It should be noted that residence will only generally changed from one parent to another where there are substantiated concerns about a possible risk to the child in that parent’s care. The court will have to share the concerns of the non-resident parent for an order to be put into place.

If you require more information on how to apply to the court for a residence order please call the Child Law Advice Line on 08088 020 008.

More information concerning child law issues can be found on our website – www.childrenslegalcentre.com .

Kind regards

Children’s Legal Centre

ReplyQuote
Posted : 26/08/2009 12:30 pm
(@Soon2BeDaddy)
Active Member Registered

Even though this is about my girlfriend and her ex boyfriend it still holds relevence to the thread i think.

My girlfriend and her ex have a child together and her ex is very troublesome, he has used violence on my girlfriend in the past before and during knowing her and he has used this violence infront of his son and has also acted in anger and harmed the boy and without showing any remorse toward the boy after throwing something at him and marking his face.

Now locked up for other violent offences this has never been brought up to any authorities and it could possibly be too late for anything to be done toward him.

Now my main concerns are him getting out and trying all this stuff again but this time however i will be here and not 3 towns away so i will be able to intervene but i dont want it to get that far as i have my own baby on the way and my girlfriend now has 6 weeks remaining before its due :mrgreen: .

Is there anything out there to stop him from even coming close to his boy and my girlfriend as i dont see him fit to be the boys dad?

I am quite proud of how i have contributed to his up bringing as i have been in his life since he was 8 months and he is now 3yrs 5month old and turning into a bright and funny young boy and i dont want this pathetic excuse of a "father" to come along and risk him upsetting his boy just for the sake of getting at us.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13/07/2010 12:05 am
(@Goonerplum)
Noble Member Registered

That's a good question Soon2b - would you like the Childrens Legal Centre to have a look at this and respond - I'll ask them.
Whilst I'm at it - I will also ask the tame social worker we have locked up in the dungeon at DadTalk towers to give us the benefit of their experience on this one as well.

Gooner. :ugeek:

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13/07/2010 12:10 am
(@Soon2BeDaddy)
Active Member Registered

I would like that alot thanks Gooner and give your "locked up social worker... 😕 lol:

ReplyQuote
Posted : 13/07/2010 12:18 am
(@childrenslegalcentre)
Honorable Member Registered

Dear Soon2BeDaddy,

Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre.

If you have concerns that the father will come to your home, you may be able to gain an injunction or something similar to try and prevent this, you would need to speak to a solicitor to see what the likelihood of being successful in this will be as it will depend on the situation and any evidence you may have.

It is usually very difficult to have an order put in place to keep a parent away from their child without strong evidence to show that they pose a risk to the child.

You would also be able to contact the police if he was to cause a disturbance at your home or act in a threatening manner, and they would remove him from the home.

Your partner can control what contact the father has with the child whilst there are no court orders in place, but it is always advised that she attempt to negotiate contact if the father requests it and act based purely on what she believes to be best for her son.

However, as this man is the father of the child he will have the right to apply to the court for contact with the child at any time. Should he choose to do this, the mother would be expected to attend court (and it is advisable that she does as otherwise the court would make a decision based on the father’s version of events alone).

The court would hear all of the circumstances and would make a decision as to what they believe to be in the best interests of the child in question. As a general rule the courts do believe that contact with both parents is best for a child and it is quite rare that some form of contact is not granted.

Your partner would be able to put her view of the situation across and ask for contact to be supervised or anything else that she wishes. She will be able to explain that there was violence towards herself and the child, but the court will usually require some evidence to indicate that this is correct for it to affect the contact in any way. If there is no evidence of this, then the court would decide whether they believe any allegations based on the ‘balance of probabilities’ and which version of events they believe is more likely to have occurred.

Any court order in relation to contact is legally binding and if it is not complied with the mother may be penalised for the breach.

If the father does not go to court, then the mother will be able to control the contact as she is currently the resident parent until the child is of an age where he can decide upon this for himself.

We hope this information is useful to you. Should you require further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help.

Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre

ReplyQuote
Posted : 22/07/2010 12:49 pm
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