[Solved] ex partners and new boyfriend

newsingledad - have you been able to have a discussion with your ex about your concerns? What was her response?

If you have any child protection concerns about her new partner you need to contact your local social services (children's services). They are able to run local police checks within hours and a full crb (criminal records bureau) check, as well as to check if the mans name is known to them for any other reason.

I would say it is reasonable to have concerns about another man sleeping in your child's bedroom, but also crucial that your motivation is to protect your son, rather than to make life difficult for your ex (tempting as that may be)

\ Buzz

Buzz.

i have spoken to her about it and she thinks that it is no differfent that when she has her pals staying overnight in the same room

ie she has a double bed and when her female pals satys they share her bed and when her boyfriend stays he shares her bed

our son is in his cot at the end of the bed and generally he is awake very early so will be seeing someone there

i cant see how it is the same as her pals staying and he has known then since he was born and theyn have babysit for him so he is used to to them.

i mention it and she thinks i am being unreasonable.

when i have spoken to people at work i actually find that most of the guys said no way and the girls were horrified

I can see your point of view, but to some extent, I can also see hers, in that there is no real alternative and it's not unreasonable that she should have friends (male or female) to stay since you have split up.

Could your son stay out of the bedroom with you when she has someone over to stay?

my fiance just left and moved right out into her own place and has had a man there. he has a criminal record, and she is taking our daughter around him when i wont allow it because he is not allowed to see his own children until just recently. is there anything i can do to stop her from taking my child around him. please let me know. thank you.

Hi Scott

We have asked our legal experts for advice, they will respond directly to the thread so keep posted as it may take a few days

JJ

thank you , i greatly appreciate it. i will keep posted.

Dear Scott

Unfortunately, your ex-partner has a right to introduce your daughter to whoever she deems to be suitable. Likewise, you are also allowed to introduce your daughter to a new partner. However, if there are concerns about a possible risk to your child from your ex-partner’s new partner then you do have the option of informing social services of the arrangement.

Following a referral, social services will then have to decide within one working day whether to:

• conduct an assessment of the child’s needs:
• make a referral to another agency for provision of services;
• provide advice or information to the family; or
• take no further action.

If your ex-partner’s new partner is known to social services and is considered a risk to your child then appropriate action will be taken to safeguard your child.

You also have the option of making an application to court for a residence order. If your application to the court was successful this would mean that legally your daughter would reside with you and your ex-partner could not remove her from your care without your consent.

It should be noted that residence will only generally changed from one parent to another where there are substantiated concerns about a possible risk to the child in that parent’s care. The court will have to share the concerns of the non-resident parent for an order to be put into place.

If you require more information on how to apply to the court for a residence order please call the Child Law Advice Line on 08088 020 008.

More information concerning child law issues can be found on our website – www.childrenslegalcentre.com .

Kind regards

Children’s Legal Centre

Even though this is about my girlfriend and her ex boyfriend it still holds relevence to the thread i think.

My girlfriend and her ex have a child together and her ex is very troublesome, he has used violence on my girlfriend in the past before and during knowing her and he has used this violence infront of his son and has also acted in anger and harmed the boy and without showing any remorse toward the boy after throwing something at him and marking his face.

Now locked up for other violent offences this has never been brought up to any authorities and it could possibly be too late for anything to be done toward him.

Now my main concerns are him getting out and trying all this stuff again but this time however i will be here and not 3 towns away so i will be able to intervene but i dont want it to get that far as i have my own baby on the way and my girlfriend now has 6 weeks remaining before its due .

Is there anything out there to stop him from even coming close to his boy and my girlfriend as i dont see him fit to be the boys dad?

I am quite proud of how i have contributed to his up bringing as i have been in his life since he was 8 months and he is now 3yrs 5month old and turning into a bright and funny young boy and i dont want this pathetic excuse of a "father" to come along and risk him upsetting his boy just for the sake of getting at us.

That's a good question Soon2b - would you like the Childrens Legal Centre to have a look at this and respond - I'll ask them.
Whilst I'm at it - I will also ask the tame social worker we have locked up in the dungeon at DadTalk towers to give us the benefit of their experience on this one as well.

Gooner. :ugeek:

I would like that alot thanks Gooner and give your "locked up social worker... 😕 lol:

Dear Soon2BeDaddy,

Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre.

If you have concerns that the father will come to your home, you may be able to gain an injunction or something similar to try and prevent this, you would need to speak to a solicitor to see what the likelihood of being successful in this will be as it will depend on the situation and any evidence you may have.

It is usually very difficult to have an order put in place to keep a parent away from their child without strong evidence to show that they pose a risk to the child.

You would also be able to contact the police if he was to cause a disturbance at your home or act in a threatening manner, and they would remove him from the home.

Your partner can control what contact the father has with the child whilst there are no court orders in place, but it is always advised that she attempt to negotiate contact if the father requests it and act based purely on what she believes to be best for her son.

However, as this man is the father of the child he will have the right to apply to the court for contact with the child at any time. Should he choose to do this, the mother would be expected to attend court (and it is advisable that she does as otherwise the court would make a decision based on the father’s version of events alone).

The court would hear all of the circumstances and would make a decision as to what they believe to be in the best interests of the child in question. As a general rule the courts do believe that contact with both parents is best for a child and it is quite rare that some form of contact is not granted.

Your partner would be able to put her view of the situation across and ask for contact to be supervised or anything else that she wishes. She will be able to explain that there was violence towards herself and the child, but the court will usually require some evidence to indicate that this is correct for it to affect the contact in any way. If there is no evidence of this, then the court would decide whether they believe any allegations based on the ‘balance of probabilities’ and which version of events they believe is more likely to have occurred.

Any court order in relation to contact is legally binding and if it is not complied with the mother may be penalised for the breach.

If the father does not go to court, then the mother will be able to control the contact as she is currently the resident parent until the child is of an age where he can decide upon this for himself.

We hope this information is useful to you. Should you require further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help.

Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre

@ CLC - can you just clarify. My understanding is that seeking an injunction is a separate process - would it not be simpler to request that a prohibited steps order is made during the court proceedings if the father goes to court over contact?

Back to the question - the problem with negatiation in this case is that, as far as I am aware, you do not have the choice to have supervised contact at a contact centre, as Contact Centres only take referrals from courts or social services. If the father insists on trying to have contact, and doesn't instigate contact proceedings, then I would suggest that you have a word with social services first, and if they can't help, then it may be worth your partner starting the court process herself. Normally, the courts expect you to have gone through mediation, but you could explain why you haven't done so, or certainly why you didn't come to an agreement. The first step in the court process is usually a conciliation hearing - this is where both parties have the opportunity to come to an agreement, and if they manage to do so, then the courts can issue a consent order, and at this point, you would be able to use a contact centre. Although the court, at this point, cannot make an order if there is no consent, they can certainly ask questions leading the discussion to what they think is a reasonable outcome, so if she has evidence of her ex's abuse (and a criminal record for a relevant offence would go a long way towards this), they could well steer him towards agreeing to supervised contact.

Again, would be helpful if the CLC could comment on this and correct anything I have wrong.

Dear Actd,

It is correct that if the father attempts to gain contact through the courts that the respondent would be given an opportunity to lodge their own applications and a Prohibited Steps Order can be sought

However prior to this there will be nothing to stop the father from coming to the home, and although the police could remove him, an injunction can be gained prior to court proceedings being lodged to prevent him from doing this.

Whilst they are able to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order without the father having made any applications, the father would then be the respondent and have the opportunity to lodge his own application at that stage and this may prompt him to apply for a contact order with the child.
Whereas if an injunction were sought the father would still have to be the one to initiate court proceedings if he wishes to have contact, and would not be prompted to do this simply by ‘piggy backing’ off of the mother’s application.

All injunctions and Prohibited Steps Orders would need good reason to be granted, and evidence regarding the allegations would be useful to support these applications, but it would be for the court to decide whether they should be granted based on the individual circumstances of the case.

When it comes to attempting to negotiate contact, the court do like to see that where possible you have attempted to do this. Not all contact centres require a referral from a court or social services, it depends on the particular centre.
You are able to contact the National Association of Child Contact Centres if you require more information on contact centres, their contact number is 0845 4500 280.

As a general rule, if the mother were to start court proceedings, this would normally be for residence, to confirm that the child lives with her legally. She is able to apply for defined contact for the father, but is not required to do so. As a result of this the father would be able to contest the residence or apply for contact if he wishes to do so.

The previous history and evidence of any violent or detrimental behaviour would be considered if the matter were to go to court. It is correct that in some circumstances a consent order can be put in place if it can be agreed by all parties.

We hope this answers your query.

Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre

Hi CLC -it does indeed answer my query 😀 Just a general matter of interest for me, but hopefully very useful to others.

Thank CLC, this has been very helpful. Will the government/police or some high offical hold information about his criminal record? He has been ordered to stay away from minors in the past due to his criminal behaviour and of course his own record will show he is very violent as most of his time spent inside is for violence. I'd see this as enough evidence to keep him away from his child (til he is at least 16 and able to make up his own mind) even though a court might see father and son seperation as a last resort, but it would be the best thing for his son never to see him again!?

Hi again

I have sent off your latest points to the CLC again today and I hope they will respond to your concerns soon.

All the best