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So i wanted to ask everyone there thoughts about contact me and my ex are both going for full the court orded a section 7 report i seen the kids twice with them to do the report the judge then orded 2 more session so i didnt see them for 10 months then seen them 4 times for 1 hour with SS. SS now say i can see them unsupervised but slowly due to needing to get the bond back.The judge has now made a order so i can pick them up and take them away on my own for 2 hours twice and then i am ether getting full or overnight. So i quick break down
The kids are 3 and 2
Have not seen them for 10 months
Seen them with SS 4 times
I am now picking them up and taking them out for 2 hours twice on my own
The final hearing is in 4 weeks so ill get full or over night after these 2 vists.
The son has a anger problem if he does not get his own way he will head but walls and flours because he can not talk or say one word.
Is it normal for things to move so fast ? At the last SS contact the kids seemed really bonded with the mother and im not surpiced why due to being the main carer for 10 months. I am scared that when she hands them over and walks away they will run to her and not stay with me on my own.
I of course want the kids to be safe and not kicking off head butting walls etc when there with me i do not have a contact number for the ex so when she does leave there is no contacting her for help or to come back.
Your situation sounds so similar to mine I didn\'t see my Girl for 10 months the s7 recommended 4 1 hr sessions every 2 weeks then 2 2hr sessions the 5th one is in 2 weeks a day after the next review hearing in court.
I was shitting myself when the ex had to leave the room and leave me on my own with my Girl for the first time, the best way to deal with is is to use the art of distraction that\'s the best thing you can do with young kids.
Get the kids a small toy box each so it gives them a sense of ownership I bought my girl a peppa pig toy box from toy\'s r us and rammed it full of age related learning and fun toys, just google best toys for a 3 year old I find my girl looks forward to opening her toy box and grabbing her favorite toys so when the ex leaves I pick her up start talking to her saying lets have a look in your toy box and she\'s crying for literally 2 mins then she calms down.
Bubbles are another winner also take some fat crayons and a bit of paper and teach them how to draw shapes faces ect anything to keep their minds off things.
Try and be confident as kids pick up on your insecurities it\'s tough going but you will get there.
Im not to sure about your son I\'ve been taught loads of methods of controlling kids but not really 0-3 year olds the tutors suggested what i\'ve said above as the kids that young they dont really know right from wrong they did say if they are playing up just remove them from the situation take what ever they are hurting themselves with off then and distract them.
Good luck
Slim 🙂
Hi Nick,
It does seem quicker than most instances of re introduction to children. Im hoping that its because you have a good egg of a judge who can see the longer contact is left the more damaging it is for the children.
A couple of questions mate.....
You have experienced DV perpetrated by your former, is that correct? Does the judge know this??
Is it known why your child is unable to talk and behaves the way you explained?
Do you have family who could support you if the children were difficult?
Dont worry too much about the children as before long they will be right as rain around you I am sure and will have learned theyre ways and how to deal with them. Dont worry.
Regards,
Dave
Hi Nick,
It does seem quicker than most instances of re introduction to children. Im hoping that its because you have a good egg of a judge who can see the longer contact is left the more damaging it is for the children.
A couple of questions mate.....
You have experienced DV perpetrated by your former, is that correct? Does the judge know this??
Is it known why your child is unable to talk and behaves the way you explained?
Do you have family who could support you if the children were difficult?
Dont worry too much about the children as before long they will be right as rain around you I am sure and will have learned theyre ways and how to deal with them. Dont worry.
Regards,
Dave
Yes i experienced DV from my ex with police logs etc for 4 years i use to call the police they would come out to the house she would answer say we had a argument all is well now and they would go with out seeing me.
The judge knows i am claiming DV but has not seen the police logs intill the final hearing which is in 4 weeks
The health visitor got him going to hospital 1ce every 2 weeks to see some one to have 1 to 1 to try and bring him on the hospital has done a report saying its the environment he is around that is why he cant talk. He did see her beating me up a lot from 3 days old she chocked me in front of her own mother.
My family are only a phone call away she has just her and the 2 kids because she wont let her family or mine help her or get close but when we was together i was forced to pick between my family my mum and brother and sister etc or her and the kids now she has gone i now have a car a mobile phone and my family back they have helped me out with car seats t go and pick them up with and are there for me.
I was sent my final statement for the final hearing today and it has a lot of proof of DV in there from her to me there are images of me beat up and the son beat up. SS say that the kids can stay with her even after seeing everything. We are hoping when the judge sees the police logs and the images of me and the son beat up he will go over SS heads.
I am sorry about the late replie. The kids seem to love taxis and cars so i am hoping i open my car door and then they will run in thinking its a taxi ( they normal do with taxis )
No surprise SS think that its OK. I really don\'t believe them at times.
I worked with SS some time ago and my impression then was that they were a work shy bunch of idiots and now having been through the system I think even less.
You get good and bad I suppose .
Well it sounds like you are in a good position Nick so see it through and give those kids the best life you can mate.
Regards Dave
So today i was ment to have them for 2 hours on my own and arranged to take the kids out. Last week we was in court and the judge said i am allowed contact with the 2 kids 2 hours every 2 weeks on my own and i can do what ever i like with them till the next court date the mother was not happy with this at all but the judge said he is gonna make the order if she likes it or not. The judge asked her to pick a day and place and time. She picked Wednesday and a place which is 40 miles away from her house ( she does not drive so i donno why she did this) the curt order was sent out saying i needed to pick them up today for 2 hours. Has i said in court they asked her for a day and she said Wednesday i went today and she didn't not turn up i drove home rang my solicitor and was told that the court made a mistake and that it is Saturday not Wednesday even tho she said Wednesday in court ? She will not give me her contact number or anything. I rang the kids SS and told her what is going on she then rang the mother and the mother said she didnt turn up cus she thought it was saturday even tho the court order says Wednesday and she said in court Wednesday ?? SS has now said that she needs to give me her contact number just in case i need contact with her when i have the kids.
Can the ex change the day on the order with out me even knowing ? I thought we would both have to agree ? I did say in court i dont care were i pick them up because i drive the kids needs come first so closer to the kids would be better but she did say Wednesday. The solicitors are both blaming the court that they put the wrong date and the court has confirmed it ? So i have a court order saying Wednesday she said Wednesday in court but i need to see them on saturday ?
Also in the section 7 report SS are saying they have made a referral to her local SS because she has moved out of there area and can no longer support her because of the distance i rang her local SS and they have never heard of her or the kids and i rang her old SW who says she is still the kids social worker and is still supporting her ?? So she lied in the section 7 ?
No, she can't change the date without your agreement - she has to stick to the court order. Your solicitor is best placed to sort this out with hers, I would think.