[Solved] Childs Anxiety

Has the child had any recent experience of losing anyone in the family or one of her friends loss of a grandparent etc , or a family pet
Maybe your partner can ask his daughter why she is so worried and explain a little that it’s a natural cause of life and point out lots of very old people in the family how old they are say 85...say wow so that’s another 80+ years of you checking your heartbeat,

Often sometimes children’s anxieties are not linked to what they are actually experiencing so her fear of death maybe a fear of loss or rejection or something else that’s why it might be best to ask her when this started and also if you can offer any help to help her not feel this way

(ps eric’s wife replying)

Hi There,

I agree with Eric's wife (nice to have you along)

I would try talking to her, either of you can do this and just see what starts her thinking of this.

I have heard of this before through a friends child so know it's not un common for children to feel this way from time to time, I think if you could actually get into a child's mind it would be a VERY scary place to be for an adult, they seem to think up some very strange things.

Hope she gets better soon, it must be hard to see her up set when she is with you.

GTTS

Hi thanks for all your comments.

We don't really know what caused this as partner has only been having skype contact with her for 4 months and she seemed pretty happy most of the time. I think if someone died we would have known. Maybe this is happening because it has been tough on her not seeing her dad etc as she loves him very much. I read a bit online about it and it does seem quite common, kids develop all sorts of fears. He just feels like he can't protect her as he wasnt there for 4 months and will only be allowed overnight contact in 3 months.
She said she gets scared when she goes to bed but mummy never cuddles her or stays in bed with her, she misses her daddy and stuff. How do we bring these things up with a crazy ex who just wouldn't listen...? Their case is still open in court and our cafcass officer said we can contact her any time. We were thinking is there a point in raising this with cafcass so maybe they can speak to ex..?

Hi,

I think you are doing the right thing, you have spoken to her and she knows you are worried, I would speak to the Cafcass advisor, they may have some suggestions and they may be better placed to have the conversation with the mother.

I do think though that children learn from a very early age how to take control of situations, I'm not saying she is making this up at all, and I'm sure this up sets her, but I would be careful giving it too much attention as she may then start to play on this at bed time to keep daddy in the room with her.

This is really difficult because on one hand I want to say give her loads of reassuring hugs and sit with her till she falls asleep, but on the other I wonder if you will be making things slightly worse if you do.

Maybe set a limit of 10 mins and sit and read to her, then leave her, if she cries and gets up set leave her for longer periods each time before going back, start at 5 mins, then 10 ect she will then know you are there for her but that you aren't going to dash back each time she cries.

Hope this helps and if anyone else has any suggestions I'm sure they will reply.

GTTS

Thank you GTTS
Unfortunately she will only be allowed to stay overnight with us in 3 months time, they just reinstated contact yesterday and that is why partner finds it so hard, because at the moment he only will be seeing her day time every week.
I think we will contact Cafcass hopefully they have more experience and understanding!

Hi Sorry, I did read that, know idea how I then forgot whilst writing :} :}

:side: that's ok 🙂

...how about getting her a locket with dads photo in and tell her that when she gets frightened to look at the photo and remember that daddy loves her and is watching over her.....or a little angel statue to sit by her bed and watch over her....something tangible that she can hold onto.

It could be a reaction to not seeing her daddy, she may be feeling vulnerable and this is something she has latched onto to express how's she's feeling.

I think it's a good idea to speak to the CAFCASS officer about it.

Thanks Nannyjane
We actually got her a locket for Christmas with both their pictures but it was taken away by the mother saying they are not allowed them in school....
I love the angel idea!! Will definitely suggest to partner tonight.
Thanks

I've had a little google and this seems more common than you would think. There are children's books about this and one that seems to be recommended is "Badgers Parting Gifts". Another that is recommended is called "Huge Bag of Worries". You can also buy worry dolls which is a lovely way for children to deal with worry. They tell the dolls their worries and put them under their pillow at bedtime, in the night the worry doll takes away their worries..it's an old Guatemalan tradition. Just google them all and find out more. Hope this helps the little one.

Nannyjane THANK YOU so much!!!! We got her a beautiful guardian angel wishing/worry stone she can put under her pillow 🙂 she will love that. Feeling much positive. Will probably buy one of the books as well. Thanks again!