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Hello guys , - ill give a brief ( ish lol ) description of the situation and im really after some advice as to where i stand and some honest opinions .
3 years ago i left my wife after a some what painful and stressed divorce - she was very bitter and had some issues gambling etc ,
now i had almost daily access at the start - after a court hearing to dosproove some allergation she had made cascas were involved also - which to be fair saw straight through the smoke so to speak and i was granted access to m w f each week and alternate weekends - although 3 years on my sons 10 now and spends more time here than that any way - including a holiday or 2 each year - so alls good so far :_)
the issue weve had for a while now is my sons mum repeatedly gets drunk and says things to him that are not true - be about me or my partner - weve let this pas as of now just because she is beyond reason ( shes happy to tell you what u want to hear then do the opposite anyway )
on top of this last night i dropped my lad off at his mams as it was my weekend with him and hed stayed later to watch a film -
at 10 oclock he rang me distraught - when i managed to calm him down hed realised him mam had left him home alone and not even told him where she was ? - so while im talking him through the obvious - look up stairs etc , is any one else home etc she came back home ( but didnt realise i was on phone ) i told my son to ask her where she had been ? to which she shouted at him ive been to f* ing shop - oh for F * sake have u rang your dad ?
she later called to say shes having a hard time with her other son ( not mine ) and she was only in the garden having a moment to her self ( clearly lie )
with issues she has created in the street and poor partner choices ( death threats through door etc and her 21 yr old vandalising the neighbours cars and the like ) im mortified she would leave him alone when she has has all weekend to by cans of fosters :_(
My son has asked to come live with me and my partner now - we have a 3 bed semi and her 21 yr old 18 yr old and 10 yr old are already here with us ( we normally put a camp bed up for my son when he stays - bit cramped but doable ) not ideal long term though .
if my son needs to be based with me for stability in his life thats what ill do gladly - as i already take care of his clothing , school trips , dental , doctors appointments , holidays - picking him up from school on my days , down to his homework from school .
i dont know what i should do about his mother ? and what do i do about him living here do i need to tell the authorities i was married to his mother and so have parental responsibility - how do i go about access to his mum ( as she wont pick him up from school and never has - nor would she pick him up from my home ) she cant be arsed .
i doubt that i would get any money from her or help towards him - i pay her agreed maintenance 2 weekly what happens there ?
both myself and partner are self employed and get some working tax credits - ive no idea if we would get anything there thats more my partners area lol as ive never delt with that stuff to be fair .
any help on this would be great as its done my head in since last night and i havnt slept lol
thanks
d
I think you would need to apply to the court for a residency order and your son would have to tell CAFCASS he now wants to live with you.
You could apply for child maintenance for him if he lived with you and if the child benefit was put into your name but if your ex doesn't work or is on benefits it's a flat rate of £5 unless she has overnight stays of more than 52 nights a year then no maintenance is due
thank you for the reply - im grateful .
weve had a chat after i collected him from school and ive spoken to my partner ,
turns out his mam had told him if he leaves her to live with us she will loose her house and now my son thinks its all his fault :_( - horrible is the only way i can describe seeing him so upset at his mothers hands .
she doesnt work so dont expect to see any help money wise but that not a shock to me .
so as from tomorrow im on the case to apply for residency order .
thank you for taking the time to reply
d
Hi there,
It might be helpful to talk to the school about the situation and your concerns for your son, they can offer him extra support emotionally through pastoral care.
Have a look at the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, there's plenty of advice there about the court process and how to apply. Many dads here self represent and you will get lots of help and support if you decide to go down that route.
I think next time your son is p,aced in a vulnerable situation by his mother and she is drunk in charge of him you would be within your rights to remove him to safety. If this happens you should call the police and inform them of your actions and the fact that you have PR. ask them to call and speak to your son as his wishes and feelings will then be a matter of record.
Good luck
Firstly, you need to help your son see that the choices she has made are hers alone - if she does lose the house (which I doubt she'd do), then that's through her actions, not yours. The one concern I have about going for residency is that the court will want to see that your son's welfare is being taken care of, and that will mean he needs a room to sleep in and a permanent bed. If you have a dining room, can you convert this into a bedroom (perhaps for the oldest boy), failing which a bunk bed in one of the bedrooms. This is something that Cafcass will expect if they are involved.
My other advice is to perhaps you tell your son that if it happens again that she leaves him, or she's drunk and incapacitated, then he rings the police.