Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I split up from my ex-wife in Dec 2009. After a Abusive relationship it was one of those very love hate relationships. I ended up having to have a lot of psychological help after the physical abuse inflicted upon me, we had three children together, since then I fought for residency and won the majority of the time spent with the children. However shortly after the case my ex keeps reporting me to social services for things that I have witnesses that they are not true. As I am sure people on this forum will know, even if the police do not charge the allegation sticks as far as Social Services go.
I remarried and have a fourth child with my new wife, since then things have gone from bad to worse with the ex who is trying to destroy my life bit by bit, stuff like posting untruths on facebook, twitter, telephoning relatives and lying about us both. She has also put allegations of us drinking excessively* having undesirables in the house** etc to social services using the NSPCC anonymous warning service, and telephoned the police as a concerned neighbor..
*not while the children are home
** not ever
She has been raided on a number of occasions by the police for dealing to minors. So Viola Social Services became involved, and after another round of allegations We ended up at hospital with a investigation into assault on a minor (I was accused two days before xmas of taking my youngest whom I love out into the middle of the street and shaking him whilst swearing at him, This was reported anonymously to the police, As with everything the police have to do the right thing. My son was taken into the children's unit, I as I was requested volunteered to not be unsupervised with him, whilst he had a multitude of tests done to see if there was any evidence of truth in this accusation. There was a big meeting, and after the results had held out I was apologized to by the Police and forced to agree to abide by a set of rules by social services, this was also for my partner too. these specified things like we cannot drink alcohol whilst the children are here this means not even a glass of wine with Sunday dinner!!
This led to a Child Protection meeting and as you will probably guess the allegations kept coming, the children are now on a child protection order. This is where my problem arises. We agreed to the plan in entirety, All the bits of it that we could do have been done including a 10 week 4 hour a time, parenting class. we take the youngest to pre-school once a week, he was at a private pre-school but he was assaulted by one of the staff there, which we reported to the case worker, and lo and behold because the pre-school had not got a injury form filled out, this led to the social worker demanding another medical, this took TWO DAYS to conclude, now we where both under suspicion of assault. Again the police had nothing to go on, again the medical was fine, but Social Services now are even more suspicious. We withdrew the youngest from nursery now social services want us to put him back!!! That is not child protection that is putting a child at risk of physical abuse.
One of the things on the plan is to get my Ex, my partner and I into mediation! She can't even sit in a room without swearing at me, Do they really thing this is going to work? They want us to undertake with CAPSS a program about domestic abuse, they have already started this with my ex, but will not do it with us until xmas at the earliest.
I looked at the guidance for parents on Child protection, and one thing it states is "that I have the respect deserved" now when I was told to stop telling lies that is not respectful and in fact it was only a wrong date! I came out of the meeting shaking, as did my wife. I put an official complaint in "in writing" I today received a letter back and it wasn't even on social services headed paper, nor did it contain the authors name or the date of reply!
They have ordered that I swap the bedrooms round so the elder two can have the larger room (its not larger in any way it is just has a larger window making it seem so) If I do not do it that is classed as non-conformance. This they claim would allow them to go for a legal gateway, What I think they are doing is moving the goalposts this case has already had six social workers through it and 2 capss workers (all have moved on) The chairman of the first Child Protection meeting after a complaint from us was sacked, as he quite honestly could not do the job!
So my question is, what do I do about social services? I have jumped though the right hoops then they invent more hoops. I am just waiting now for them to demand we get a bigger house, they have already tried to demand that I move out of my bedroom to give one of the children there own room! (I am disabled and if I am ill, I need the extra room so my partner can get some sleep)
Any thoughts on this matter?
Hi Martin
Unfortunately once SS are involved you have to play ball with them. You say that the children are on a Child Protection Plan, there must be a good reason for it, it could even be the actions of your ex, but you do have to play, there is little else that you can do, as they have already told you, they will take the legal route if not.
I am quite surprised that SS do not consider that the ex is making malicious complaints to anyone who will listen.
As to the assault at the pre-school, did you make a complaint to the pre-school about the assault?
I think the fact that you have received a letter without information as to the writer/the writer's position, gives you the right to raise this with SS.
If you really think that they keep moving the goalposts, you could make an appointment to see the Manager and take up the issues, particularly if they reason to change bedrooms is size, when in actual fact it is no different.
You say you moved out of a bedroom to give a child their own bedroom...what ages and [censored] are the children?
The pre-school got a complaint as soon as we found out that they didn't know what happened, the police did not investigate the pre-school although they did question us.
The children are 13, 5 and 1.5 and are all boys.
Well I have to agree the 13 yr old should have a room of his own, but I think its a bit off asking you to give your bedroom up for the other 2...good lord how many other families are there where two children are in a small room!!
I can only stress that you must play ball, with SS but if you continue to remain unhappy about them keep moving the goalposts (which they do do!) take it up with their Manager, you have that right.
Because my Ex will not go for family mediation they have now insisted on a pre-legal gateway meeting, with only social services and their legal team, and Us and Ours. I don't know what to expect can anyone shed any light on the way these work. We've jumped through Hoops for them, but the Senior worker just plain olde has it in for me.
Martin
Because you have been issued with the pre-legal letter....the one that in bold writing tells you to seek the advice of a solicitor.....this means that you are entitled to legal aid, find a solicitor now . The pre legal gateway is pre care proceeedings. It is NOT only their legal team you are advised to seek legal advice too....AND you must!! Legal Aid is available for care proceedings and pre care proceedings once you have been issued with the legal letter.
I have already got a solicitor involved, as soon as the brick like letter fell through the letter box I went straight for advice. Thanks for pointing it out though
since me and my ex partner split in febuary 2012 i have been goin through [censored] tryin to get contact with my daughter and early this year i went to court and finally got access every 2 weeks and things were going smoothly and life was finally getting on track but within a couple of months because she has always been funny about me having partners and she has the attitude that if she can't have me noone can een though she is also in a relationship, my ex partner started accusing me of bad parenting due to her having nappy rash which in the few hours i see her every two weeks she would have had the intake of acidy or high sugar foods or drinks as i always give her a balanced diet of proper food and fluids, but one thing lead to another and because she wasn't getting to me and she wasn't succesfull in getting the solicitors and courts to look at it as a good enough reason to take actions further she started saying i wasn't feeding my daughter properly and that she was going home hungry all the time that yet again didn't go no further, so it comes to my final part due to her unsuccesfull attempts to stop me seeing my daughter she swooped lower then low, and has gone to social services and police accusing me of sexual and physical abuse which in my mind even the thought is just sick and twisted i wouldn't wish it on noone but by doing so she has had my contact stoped until we go to court, but everything that she has been saying and accusing me of doesnt add up in any way, she is accusing me of sexual abuse but wants me to have supervised access, if i was to accuse someone of that i wouldn't want them anywhere near my child. if anybody can give me any advice or can relate please feel free to contact me as i need someone on the same page as me to talk to. thankyou very much ...jason...
Have you spoken to social services about this at length? They will have plenty of experience of mothers making false claims, and although they can't ignore the claims, when they are disproved, I would expect them to be very critical of your ex.
i am in contact with my solicitor and she knows me quite well and she knows i wouldnt even be able to think bout that thing it makes me sick also a lot of the stuff doesnt add up and she is just digging herself a deeper hole and i have court next month but all the testing and examinations they have to put my daughter through isn't right she is 3 years old in just under a month and she has shown signs of anxiety when returning her back to her mother i would never point the finger but if she is anxious and makes a scene going back its not good she doesnt make a scene when leaving her mother and she has been out her nappies a while and been good not having accidents and one evening taking her back she had an accident and seemed very nervous
Keep a diary of all of this - it may help later on, and it's better if you write it at the time rather than a recollection of a past event.
funny thing is since i last post anything on here the social services and local authority are no longer involved and i am seeing my daughter next week but yet they say they are still convinced something has happened but yet she still allows..... contact my solicitor is aware of everything and i still have court in january all i know is she's trying to play mind games....
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.