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Hi im a dad of 2 and over the last ten months i have been in a very complicated situation. you see my ex had been going out with a gentleman who has been to prison for a grooming offence on a child of 14
from the beginning it was just me social services were not even taking it seriously. until he was sighted on school grounds by another parent. even then they didn't take it seriously. the called a children in need meeting, and felt that was then end of it. my ex and the gentleman were made to sign a written agreement stating my ex would not allow contact between him and my children
a few months later in January my little girl said he had been going in to her room to read her bed time story. which was against the agreement. when the social worker questioned my little girl she told him the truth. my ex and her then bf voided the agreement. that was it till the end of January when i pick my children up from school and went to the maternal grand parents who had started not to see the children due to my ex avoidance, i receive a phone call demanding the children return home. on return to my ex house i was met but this gentleman sitting opposite to me on a chair. i got very anxious. i left the house with the children and told them i just wanted to get away from this bad man. he took offence to this and followed me out side. my ex also followed and tried to pull my little boy who was in my arms. i turn she let go. my little girl who was near by didn't know what to do. i eventually got my children to the maternal grandmothers house. where we contact social services. almost as soon as i get in i have a phone call from my dad had a conversation with the gentleman stating i pushed my ex over and they would be reporting it to police. later there was not enough evidence.
i stated to my ex we would meet in a public location from now on and i told her this would be her parents house
on return to bring my children back i took my parents to meet with her parents and we decided that if the gentleman was in the company of my ex i would return home with the children. she came with the gentleman so as agreed i took the children home to ensure my children safety.
the Monday after i contacted my solicitor and arranged to meet on the Wednesday.
however by Tuesday i had a letter from my ex solicitor stating an application for residency
passing this on to my solicitor and with the date for court set for the following monday.
that Monday i went to family court and was instructed to give care of my children to the maternal grandparents so they could return to there schooling
two weeks after that my ex accused her step dad of sexually abusing her and the children were returned to her with enhanced contact for me
the court also mad her sign some sort of court order that she later broke allowing him access to the house while the children were present
numerous child protection meetings later it looked like even social services were coming on side. the guys risk assessment complete stating he was a high risk of re offending. my ex still denying he was a risk
then social services started insisting my ex have no further contact with him. she was very reluctant questioning and back tracking and so was this gentleman. due to this questioning and back tracking of my ex. the social worker stated she would be looking in to legal action.
then my ex started compiling with every one. and the guy has now added her and my children name to his sopo
in the middle of a residency battle that i probably will lose. and inspire of everything im trying to do to protect my children it still feels like im failing them.
i really don't know what else i can do i don't even know how im going to get though the next child protection meeting i haven't a clue what im going to say.
thanks for reading this all any advice or words of encouragement would be good. its a lot more complicated then this loads of details missing and stuff im not meant to speak about
Thanks Aaron
Hi Aaron
Firstly welcome to Dadtalk, it sounds as if you are going through a really tough time at the moment and I can understand your very grave concerns for your childrens' safety. I hope that you don't give up hope at this stage. You are doing a great job in trying to protect your kids. It's hard to believe that social serves don't seem to be taking this as seriously as you are. I know you feel as if you are failing them, but really you are not. You are a caring, involved dad who wants what is best for them.
I hope that the residency battle you are in the middle of will go in your favour. Do let us know how things progress and hang in there.
Hi Tabuto
Reading through your post, one thing that stands out is that the police don't seem to have been involved. Surely, if this man has been to prison for grooming, then wouldn't he be on the [censored] offenders register? In which case, there must be some restrictions on him having access to children - I'd certainly look into this.
As regards the court orders, it sounds as though your ex is constantly in breach of the orders, and this is contempt, which the courts view very seriously (punishment can be anything from fines to jail), plus your daughter is in physical danger from this man - this certainly needs to be stressed and I'd be going for residency plus supervised contact - ideally at a contact centre so that your ex can't make any falso accusations.
he is on [censored] offenders register for life and has a sopo (sexual offenders prevention order) in place how ever the beginning of the relationship the police decided that it was badly worded and not usable. they went back to the judge to get clarification however during the mean time he formed a relationship with my ex. his contact police person at the time believed he was no risk. that is with out any formal risk assessment having took place. the later risk assessment stated he was a high risk of re offending
my ex is in contempt of court and despite the judge at the time stating if she broke it she would not be given residency of my children my solicitor believes this will not be taken very seriously.
the social worker has stated my ex has zero protective ability.
my ex since this and just in the past two weeks has been trying to make herself more stable. any it looks as if my ex and my children names will now be added to his SOPO so the gentleman will not legally be able to contact them
im back in court on Tuesday and have a child protection meeting on Wednesday
solicitor is up to date with every bit of information i have
not sure what more i can add for Wednesday with out repeating my self im sure ill think of something
again sorry its really complicated and its hard to write down all the information
thanks Aaron
Hi Aaron,
Wow, I can imagine just how helpless you feel at the moment and how much you want to protect your kids.
and inspite of everything im trying to do to protect my children it still feels like im failing them.
There is no way you are failing them mate. Hang in there, try to work with the social workers to get the best outcome for your kids.
Good luck tomorrow - let us know how it goes mate.
Gooner
Agree with GP - one thing that is important is that your children know that you are fighting for them, it means that they know they are not alone and that someone believes them.
I agree and I have to say well done for being restained in this situation - not sure I could be.
its not been good news guys. the judge completely ignored the contempt issue. the social worker report didn't read well. they want to give my ex every chance to change, what happened in the past is of no concern now apparently.
basicly the way the judge sees it according to my barrister. to remove my children from her care would have a huge emotional effect on them. because of that effect the would rather the children stay with there mum, hence why he has not took the contempt issue seriously cause that could potentially send my ex to prison meaning the children would have to live with me removing them from there school and friends
on the plus side the gentleman in question is now the most highly watched paedophile in the city he lives in apparently
and also that the police know my exs face and have stopped her on the way to court believing she was dressed up to meet the gentleman
social have written some documents stating that they dont want to remove the children unless its absolutely necessary. also stated she had but meet the gentleman one more time or put the children in any further danger to have the children removed
still leaves me feeling bitter about it. if it wasnt for the children she would be in some trouble
i really hope she messes up so i have a chance to make sure the children stay safe forever
Aaron
hi guy its me again
felt i should update you about recent events
on the 29/9/11 i was back in court again, there was mounting evidence to suggest the risk had now changed from risk of sexual harm to risk of emotional harm and neglect
as a result of a very strongly worded and damming section 7 report i have now gained residency of my two children
its temporary for 3 months however its not likely they will go back now
my ex is only allowed supervised contact.
it looks like i have won 🙂
Happy days
Tab
Hi Tabuto
That's an excellent result, and proof that the courts do listen and look after the welfare of the children.
Can I ask a favour - that you come back and let us know the result in 3 months time, and also that you check back on here on a regular basis? Your experience would be invaluable to lots of dads, and whatever advice we can give, the experience of someone who has been through what you have is always going to be a boost.
yer i will do 🙂
im been going though all the paper workfun 🙂 but small price to pay
will check in soom
Tab
Well done tabuto, that is such great news. I love it when we get good news on the site.
I agree with actd as well, having someone who has gone through what you have and come out the other side on the forum must be great for anyone in a similar situation.
Hi Tabuto,
That is great news & a real encouragement to other Dad's trying to get custody of their kids. You've done a great job looking out for their best interests & protecting them. Real pleased for you that you have them now & hopefully will get permenant residency of them too.
Keep us posted, your experience is really valuable to others.
Daddyto4
actd, i notice your name is green - does that mean you're a mod now ?
Yes, indeed it does 🙂
Possibly, the reason being that I won't shut up 😆
Hi all
just a quick mention (though a slightly late one), i gained perm residency of my two children.
with help from social services i was put top of the housing list and now have a nice 3 bed room with a huge back garden
the children are well settled in and have many new friends at there new school
the ex still has a supervision order on her and also her step dad is not allowed unsupervised contact
for any other dad out there this has been a long time coming and really hope their were truly exceptional circumstances and no one here will ever have to go though the experiences i have had to
one bit of advice my parents gave me at the the beginning of all this that may apply to some here
"slowly, slowly, catch a monkey" always made me smile too
Aaron / tabuto
Excellent news, and thanks for posting back on here - it's good for dads to hear that the system does work (sometimes at least) and that social services are on the side of the children.
Keep us up to date on how you are all going on.
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