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Hi, I am new to the forum so hopefully I am posting in the right place.
I have a 5 year old Son with my partner. We split up in December 2012 and both remained in the family home until it was Sold at the end of August 2013. During those 8 months, I continued to pay 80% of all bills to ensure my Son was not affected by our decision. We have now moved into seperate houses and share 50:50 access of my Son with him staying 3 nights one week and 4 nights the next.
My ex partner got hold of one of my pay slips and used the CSA calculator to arrive at a figure that she felt was fair in terms of a child maintenance payment. In order to ensure I had the access to my Son, I reluctantly agreed and the first couple of payments have now started to go through.
My ex is receiving the child benefit, child care support, working tax credits etc and I receive non of this.
We recently had a small fall out following my ex requesting more money from me in order for her to fund additional things such as clothes for her house, school unfiforms, new shoes etc etc. Whilst I obviously do not want my Son to go without, I refused to make any additional payments as felt that the money that I had agreed to pay, was more than enough to cover the cost of the items she had listed outright.
When we discussed the matter, she highlighted trhat as far as she was concerned, my payment was to cover day to day living costs including her mortgage and bills for her house. Other items that she had listed where seen in her eyes to be extras. In addition to the payments I am making, I am obviously having to purchase clothes for my house, addtional school uniform items for my house along with food / entertainment etc whilst he is with me.
I would give anything I have to my Son to make sure he is happy and does not want for anything but the system seems unfair when she can effectively use any money she receives from me to fund her own lifestyle, asking for more when she sees fit, despite the fact we have an equal share of our child.
When I raised the subject, it was met with a threat of reducing my access as she knew that this would mean I would receive less of a reduction in the eyes of the CSA and therefore hit me both on an emotional and financial basis.
Has anyone else been in this situation and is there anything I can do to maintain the access with my Son but pay a fair and reasonable contribution to the joint costs involved in his upbrining?
It is creating a bad feeling between us and where I would have been more than happy to support additional costs for those special occassions, I feel like I am being taken for a bit of a mug if I do.
Any thoughts / advice welcome.
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