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After an extremely amicable divorce, wholly due to the fact I gave in an EVERYTHING for the good of our three children, it turned sour real quick. When all the money is spent on her new house, a pittance on our children, I had a word. Little good did it do. The home improvements not only went on but were stepped up. £4,600 on garden landscaping. £2,500 on sofas. £660 on upholstery. And these are the ones I know about from her bank statements. Over £10,000 on credit card payments for things I know nothing about. I'm due in Court on 7 February in England. I live in Vietnam with my new wife. I was forced to resign from my previous job in September last year. No income now and it could take a long time. Two and a half years ago it was 7 months before I found a new role. Senior guy, lots of experience, but working in an industry well-known for its ageism. Not that I'm complaining about this, I'll get something sooner or later. But the forced financial draining carries on.
This time last year, I changed the way I sent home the £2,300 demanded. More than a third of my salary, I could no longer bear the fact our kids were suffering financially yet every room in the house was being renovated. At 16, only our son is still at home. The other two at University. I've been told I should never have unilaterally varied the Court Order. Yep, they're right. But why on earth would I want to waste thousands of pounds in Court and Solicitor fees? This is money hard-earned and should go to our children, not something who thinks they're living in a home makeover show. So now I'm wasting thousands of pounds with in Court and Solicitor fees – wonderful.
My ex has a new partner – in business and in life. They run a successful gastro pub business together. Money pours in. Money pours out from me. Our children have been poisoned against me, rarely communicating now. And the stress it has all caused was undoubtedly to blame for my job loss and subsequent failure to find a new role. Yet this isn't taken into account by the Law, so I'm told.
What is it that divorced husbands have absolutely no say whatsoever in how Child Maintenance is used? Her bank statements speak volumes, in fact they scream.
Anyone have any idea if there are guidelines on what Child Maintenance should be spent on? Even my Solicitor has been incredibly vague. I've all but given up on her. And the fact that she strongly recommends a Barrister at the princely sum of £1,500 to represent me in Court when I barely have enough money to pay our rent seems ridiculous.
Any advice gratefully received. Thanks so much in advance.
Hello Chriscatchpole
All parents do have the responsibility to provide child maintenance for their children even if they do live in a different country. The amount of maintenance the paying parent is required to pay is based on their taxable gross income.
Under child support legislation, regular child maintenance payments must be made until a child is 16 years old, or 20 if they are in full-time, non-advanced education (A-level or equivalent), or for as long as Child Benefit is being paid.
The definition of full-time education is more than 12 hours a week of study, on a course up to and including A-level standard and when a child leaves full-time education in the summer, Child Benefit generally continues until the first week of September. If the child is in advanced or higher education such as university, they will no longer qualify for child maintenance through the statutory service.
Child maintenance arrangements through the courts is generally referred to as a Consent Order in England and Wales and Minute of Agreement in Scotland. To arrange a Consent Order, both parents need to agree how much child maintenance will be paid and how often, before going to court. Parents can agree this either privately between themselves, through a solicitor or a mediator.
Once an agreement has been made, parents can then ask the court to approve and authorise the Consent Order. This usually happens when parents are going to court for other reasons, such as arranging a divorce or dividing their property or other assets.
Once a Consent Order has been agreed and authorised, the paying parent is legally liable to pay the amount the court has endorsed. However, the court does not monitor or collect payments. This means the receiving parent will need to seek legal advice for any missed or reduced payments, unless they are happy to accept them.
Any Consent Orders that were endorsed after March 2003 are not legally subject to change unless they have been in place for at least 12 months.
As child maintenance is paid to the parent with the main day-to-day care of the qualifying child or children, it is therefore controlled by the person best placed to determine that child’s needs.
As you have an arrangement in place at the moment made via the courts, any changes you would like to make to your arrangement, would mean continuing to seek legal advice.
You may also be interested to know the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) have a website, 'Sorting out Separation'. It aims to make it much easier for separating and separated parents (and childless couples) to find the support they need, when and where they need it, and encourages them to collaborate on a range of issues. The link is http://www.sortingoutseparation.org.uk/
For more information and for a more personalised service, you may wish to visit the Child Maintenance Options website yourself at http://www.cmoptions.org.
Regards
William
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