[Solved] We had an agreement!!!!!!!!

Hi there.

Strictly speaking, if your daughter is over 16, not in full time non advanced education, and the resident parent is not receiving child benefit, then the CSA wouldn't consider you to be liable.

If your daughter does enrol at college, does 12 hours or more a week and your ex goes to the CSA, then you will be liable for CSA payments to continue until she leaves, goes onto university or becomes 20.

If you are in receipt of benefits then you wont have to pay the full amount, at the moment there is a flat rate of £5pw.

Theres a helpful sticky at the top of the Child Maintenance section called "How does the CSA calculate payments" it links to a CSA leaflet that goes into more depth about payments and reductions.

Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want my daughter to suffer in any way as a result of any payments stopping when she is 18. So I would continue to give my daughter money to help her of course.

I will be really sad if the CSA get involved after all this time of never missing an agreed transfer. I am in receipt of benefit and will be for life by the looks of my health, and just couldn't afford to keep paying half my benefit for another 2 or more years with these new rules that the government has introduced, but would feel like a bad man if the CSA get involved and only take £5.

I don't want to lose my daughters respect and love, it would kill me.

I do sympathise, but your girls are young adults now and I think you could be straight with them and they would understand... Not only that, they should respect your honesty and the fact that you have maintained the payments for so long when legally you didn't have to. As you say, you will continue to support your daughter financially by direct payments. If their mother decides to go to the CSA then it's likely it will be her that loses their respect not you.

My children are in their late twenties now but when they were younger we struggled from time to time but I always kept them in the loop and talked to them about it, we were a team! If anything they respected me more because of that.

Perhaps if you printed off the leaflet and gave a copy to your ex she would see the futility of going to the CSA as she wouldn't get anywhere with a claim. Explain that you will continue to give money informally but it will be directly to your daughter.

You've been through a lot, the accident and subsequent health problems must have really knocked you for six...I'm sure your girls love you all the more and are just grateful that you are still here....after all the love between parents and their children is unconditional...especially that between a father and his daughters!

Thank you Nannyjane, that was a lovely reply, and yes, if the time comes where my daughter is starting higher education before her 18th birthday in March next year, I will sit her down and tell her how it is.

My daughters have seen me struggle a bit, but not a lot, I have made sure they see me as strong and in control, although that isn't quite the case.

That said, I left my wife 9 years ago with a bin bag full of clothes, a part time job, and nowhere to live, but I have worked hard to show the girls that I will be OK, and now I own a place near the beach outright, just 40 miles from the girls, and have just spent a whole year building on a plot next to the house on some spare land. I have installed a large static caravan and built lots of decking and a lovely garden for it. It has it's own parking and is private from the house.

I have spent the last 9 years visiting them outside their home, sat in my car with them, or having lunch for an hour, or flying visits, although I have taken them on some nice holidays to Disneyland and a Cruise, but I have built this for them so they now have a lovely place to come to stay over and visit with their partners, and hopefully grandchildren one day.

I also have a lovely big garden with a forest, stream and paddock, and have chickens and the neighbours have horses. I suppose I have always felt guilt as most fathers who have split do, and just want to be proud of me and love me.

They don't know I am on bucket loads of medication for mental health and physical health, they just think I was hit by a truck and the truck was written off 🙂

Ooops! Sorry for that, I told myself I wouldn't babble on, and I did! And Im still doing it!

Thanks

You should be really proud of yourself and I'm absolutely sure your girls are...Children are a lot more savvy than we give them credit for and you may not think they are aware of all the effort you've put in, but I bet they are!

Your home sounds fantastic and a wonderful place for them to visit and I'm sure you will all spend many happy times together in the future....grandkids included!

I think the best advice I can give is be honest with them and they will respect you for that. Showing our vulnerablity can endear our loved ones to us even more....You are their Dad and you will always be a hero in their eyes.

I hope that armed with the facts you are able to move forward with more confidence now. You could if you wanted approach the CSA now and open a claim yourself. Your circumstances are changed and nobody would blame you if you decided to do that. However I get the feeling that you'll see out the agreement! That just tells me what a good man you are!

Good luck Stevio

Stevio,

You are some man...I tip my hat to you.

Your girls must be very proud of you Sir....I am...I cant believe you have been through the mill and achieved what you have.

Regards,

Dave

Well thank you Dave, you have made my day.

I have to agree with the others - well done for what you have achieved, both for your own peace, and for your children's sake. 🙂

Hi Stevio.

Thank you for your post. I am William the Child Maintenance Options consultant.

Under child support legislation, regular child maintenance payments must be made until a child is 16 years old, or 20 if they are in full-time, non-advanced education (A-level or equivalent), or for as long as Child Benefit is being paid.

Also, anyone aged 16 or 17 who is not in education, is not working and does not receive employment related benefits, is also defined as a child. So if your daughters' mother made an application to the Child Support Agency (CSA), it maybe that your youngest daughter may still be eligible for child maintenance, even if she is not at college.

If an application was made to the CSA, it may be, as Nannyjane has said, that you would have a flat rate of £5 a week to pay as you are in receipt of benefits.

Having said this, you may wish to try and continue with your family-based arrangement. A family-based arrangement is simply an agreement between you and your daughter's mother about who will provide what for her. So, if you are able, you may wish to try and discuss your contribution with your daughter's mother to try and keep your arrangement on track. It does not have to be just about exchanging money, you buying your daughter clothes or providing pocket money could count, for example. This type of arrangement is not legally binding, but it is flexible so it can be changed to meet the needs of you, your daughter and her mother.

If you would like an idea how much child maintenance the CSA could work out, you can use our online calculator on our website at http://www.cmoptions.org/en/calculator. You could use this figure as a starting point to renegotiate your family-based arrangement.

If you are able to continue with your child maintenance arrangement, you can record the details on our family-based arrangement form. Although this is not a legally enforceable document, it puts the agreement on a more formal basis. You can download the form from our website.

If you would like more information about family-based arrangements and access to useful tools and leaflets online you can visit www.cmoptions.org, or if you would prefer a confidential chat you could call the Child Maintenance Options team on 0800 988 0988 (free from a landline).

We also have a sorting out separation web-app that you may find useful, it offers help and support to separated families. The link is: http://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation