Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi,
First time poster, 5 years a Father.
Me and my Ex - Partner (unmarried) split up a few years ago, during that time we went through some trouble communicating (was a messy break up). I have in the past seen my daughter on a Wednesday (evening) Friday (evening), Saturday and Sunday every week, however, due to work commitments I agreed with my Ex it was best to see my child fortnightly, this was easier on the both of us.
Since then due to money (what else 😆 ) my Ex decided to go through Child Maintenance, this was spontaneous and unexpected, I believe she felt I was not paying enough it was found that I wasn't, I needed to pay 90 pence more.
For Context over the course of 2 years I have increased my monthly payments to my ex-partner from £120 - £170 this is due to hardships she fell upon and money I was able to provide (not counting the extra's my daughter got from me, trust me, she is a spoilt one 😀 ) since the Child maintenance I pay £160.90 only (extras, when daughter is with me, is by the by).
Now the issue is my Ex who is on benefits and a partner who is also on benefits has become money hungry, case in point the above spontaneous need for child maintenance involvement.
My daughter is my first and only child, my work has become a lot less stressful and I expect that won't change, my partner is very supportive and has become a pseudo-Stepmom (not an evil one I assure you 😆 ).
I suspect if I asked my ex-partner for 50/50 custody of my daughter she will refuse it on the grounds she will receive no more money from myself and even if I was to offer her the same amount I suspect she will not do it just to remain spiteful.
I will be having my daughter for a week or two over the summertime (she asked to be with me for a week :woohoo: which given her past behaviour and whispers in her ear from her mother has been a blessing) I have not tried it before as my Ex states she will only do something if my daughter wants it, I know this won't stand up to the test after I ask for 50/50 custody which my daughter has agreed she would like, as my Ex will say she is too young to be making those decisions :zzz: (one for one way not the other, ay).
Pointers
I am 21
I am financially stable
I have a residence
I have a vehicle (partner drives), not yet driving myself, not needed to as work is a 10 min walk away
I have no criminal convictions
I work within Social Services (though that doesn't mean much 😆 )
I am on my Daughters birth certificate
My Question is, if my ex-says no, what process would give me the best ability to get 50/50 custody, I am willing to go to court if needs must, I would try a mediator, however, I suspect that would not work. Do the courts have a blanket policy to refuse, would I have a chance to get 50/50 custody, if not is there something, in particular, I should work towards?
Please do not respond with the "try it first you don't know" I will be however, I am not holding my breath.
Thank you for taking your time.
In addition, apologies forgot to add, there is no current court order in place, I believe it is called a family arrangement.
Hi and welcome to the forum
Attempting mediation is a mandatory requirement. If it is unsuccessful the mediator will stamp a page of a court form that allows you to make an application.
In terms of a court decision, nobody can predict what an individual judge would decide, but it's highly unlikely your daughter's wishes and feelings would hold much weight at age 5 & the court are likely to tell you that she shouldn't be bearing the weight of that responsibility at her age.
50/50 can be difficult (but not impossible) to achieve & for the record, contact and finances are two separate issues within family court.
Start with mediation and go from there. Best of luck
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.