DAD.info
Forum - Ask questions. Get answers.

Thanks for joining us on the forum – glad to have you here. You are welcome to post 24/7 but please note that whilst we have forum moderators we will only be moderating the forum during office hours. If though you need urgent crisis help, please contact Samaritans on 116 123.

Spurgeons and Dad.Info doesn’t investigate reports of abuse or neglect. But below, you can find advice on who to contact if you have concerns about a child or young person.

 

Reporting a concern

It can be difficult to know what to do if you think a child is at risk. It’s important to remember that if you’ve spotted things that don’t seem right, others will have too. Speaking up can make sure that child gets help as soon as possible.

 

The sooner you contact your local children’s social care duty team, the quicker they can act. They’re available 24 hours a day, and can make an anonymous report if that feels safer. If a child is in immediate danger, please call the police straight away by dialling 999.

 

Report child abuse or neglect to your local council

Use these links to get in touch with your local council:

Very frustrating un...
 
Notifications
Clear all

[Solved] Very frustrating unfair situation

Page 1 / 2
 
(@ryemck)
Active Member Registered

Since me/my ex split in November 2018 we've had split time/costs.

Schedule is me: Mon/Tue/Fri/Sat/Sun and her Wed/Thur

Then it switches the next week

However, on "my" Friday nights with him, I'd always let him stay with her parents.

Would take him to school, pick him up, take him to afterschool classes then her parents at 7pm and get him back early the next day

She's used this as an excuse to say she has him more nights

I know I need to go to court (another huge problem) but is there anything else I can do?

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 21/07/2020 6:22 pm
(@Ferfer)
Reputable Member Registered

Is this arrangement via a court order? If so, I would suggest she uses her days to take them to her parents. It's kind of you to use your time to take them to her parents, but maybe suggest she uses her days instead?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21/07/2020 6:50 pm
(@ryemck)
Active Member Registered

Unfortunately no order. We've both stuck to the schedule up until this point

Just been speaking to her and said...

"So on my Fridays, I'll have him nights instead of letting him stay your parents?"

and her reply..

"You're going to deny my parents? to take time off them is horrible!!"

Like I agree. Her parents are actually amazing and do so much for our son.

But me paying maintenance for them to have him 2 nights a month is ridiculous

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 21/07/2020 6:59 pm
(@ryemck)
Active Member Registered

Well I'm going to speak to a solicitor and see what can be done about getting an arrangement order, as well as one to let me have a say on which school he goes to

Gonna bankrupt me so hopefully it works haha

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 21/07/2020 7:56 pm
(@Daddyup)
Prominent Member Registered

Hi

Tricky one this.. The arrangement with her parents having child on your days only works if she is being reasonable, respectful and amicable. The fact that she wants CMS as child is at her parents on your days makes her unreasonable and therefore you are not denying child by asking her to let her parents have child on her days. No one is being denied anything except obviously her on her days but this is only due to her reasonableness.

As you have had this arrangement in place for some time I'd quickly get the matter to court (via mediation) to get a CAO in place.

However you may want to explain to your ex that not only will a CAO mean that no CMS is payable but also that it makes the arrangement quite strict and that you will not allow child to go to her parents on your days.

Call her bluff she may back down. I see it as her denying child time with grandparents due to her own unreasonable CMS demand rather than anything you have done as after all the arrangement has worked thus far.

If you get an order and then allow child to go to her parents then that sets a precedent and opens up opportunities for neither party to stick to the order. In which case you might aswell not bother getting an order..

Thanks

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21/07/2020 11:23 pm
(@spikeymcspikey)
Eminent Member Registered

Does she need the cms money? If things are otherwise amicable and you can afford it I wouldn't go to court over it... she might decide to restrict access and it will fracture an otherwise successful relationship, including with her parents.

It will cost you money to do the court action anyway and potentially many thousands if you need a barrister.

Also even if you succeed in 50:50 CAO if she's receiving child benefit she may very well say she is the main caregiver and the CMS will believe her, meaning you'll then have to take it to tribunal which itself can take over a year to go to hearing.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 22/07/2020 12:15 am
(@dadmod2)
Illustrious Member

hi ryemck,

how old is your child? do you share the school holidays with ex? looks like your seeing your child very often. court action will likely make her more hostile and could result in you having less time with child while hearings go on. really the child should be seeing maternal grandparents in your ex's time.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 22/07/2020 12:44 am
(@ryemck)
Active Member Registered

Thanks for the advice guys

Yeah she's really bad with money. Has loads of credit cards/unpaid fines I still get bailiffs knocking on my door every now and then, looking for her

She does get his benefits and her parents help out sooo much with her bills

Child is 5

Doesn't make sense if 2 parents are doing just as much, only one gets benefits and then the other has to pay on top. Like [censored]?? I need help more than her!

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 22/07/2020 5:40 pm
(@dadmod2)
Illustrious Member

only way to challenge that would be going through courts. you could argue that it's unfair that your child is seeing maternal grandparents in your own time. you would have to aim for court order to state that there is equal day-to-day care of child between both parents. but there is no guarantee you will get that, and could still carry on paying maintenance.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 22/07/2020 6:09 pm
(@ryemck)
Active Member Registered

Been split time on the schedule since we split so I think it'd go well

From now I won't be letting him stay with his grandparents on my Fridays unless she stops claiming maintenance

She'll probs continue by stopping me seeing him on "my" Fridays altogether

So, yeah...court it is, ASAP

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 23/07/2020 12:36 pm
(@dadmod2)
Illustrious Member

just be wary with your application. it would not look good on you if court thinks you made application to get out of paying maintenance. keep it strictly focused on kids and spending more time with them. ask for half of school holidays, permission to take them on holidays abroad etc.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23/07/2020 2:35 pm
(@ryemck)
Active Member Registered

Ohh I get you

I did go mediation about 6 months ago for an arrangement order but never made it to court (got the dates mixed up 🙁 ) so hopefully that's a bit of evidence

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 23/07/2020 4:33 pm
Page 1 / 2
Share:

Pin It on Pinterest