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I have been separated from my 3 sons mum for around 5 years now and are divorced. I now have a new partner, who I have a 2 year old daughter who has special needs. We used to have an informal arrangement where I paid a reasonable amount of maintenance, which i worked out through a calculator and also paid for all their swimming lessons and sporting activities. Unfortunately my ex also felt I should pay towards her living costs (gas, electric, etc) despite her being the higher earner. She therefore made an application to the CMS, which set a higher maintenance amount. I have been paying the amount the CMS set for at least a couple of years, but my ex still believes I should be paying more, for her bills - plus for School uniforms, sporting activities, school trips and bus fares to school. Last year i attempted to make an agreement with her where i would pay for all 3's rugby and she buys the bus passes, but after i paid for Rugby, she didn't purchase the bus passes. Due to how the CMS works I have no financial recourse for this.
Further to the above, when we separated my ex in-laws brought our former marital home for her with cash and she pays no rent to live there. This means she is constantly buying them expensive gifts and having 1-2 foreign holidays per year. I am unable to compete with this, so gradually she has managed to convince the boys to stay less through these gifts and holidays, which leads to my maintenance increasing, only reinforcing the problem. When I moved in with my new partner, we brought a house large enough for my sons to stay with me regularly, which as mentioned they are reducing. This house is a further financial strain that the CMS does not take into account, or the fact my ex does not have to pay rent on her property. Earlier this year my sons had rugby tours, which my ex refused to contribute towards, so I paid so they wouldn't miss out. This all causes me huge stress and pressure to my current relationship.
I guess my questions are; does anyone have any advise if the way the CMS calculate maintenance can be challenged in the above circumstances and also, is there any sort of challenge or protest to alter the way the CMS works out maintenance?
hi,
unfortunately CMS do not take your ex wifes income into account. your under no obligation to pay more than the amount set by CMS. There have been debates in parliament about CMS and making it more affordable for paying parents, but lately they have only been focusing on enforcement measures to tackle non-payment.
are you on the direct pay scheme?
have you informed CMS that you support another child with your partner, that has special needs?
Hi,
Thank you for your reply and I'm not surprised, system is so basic in it's calculations and fixated that fathers are only out to avoid paying their way!
I pay by standing order to my ex, she hasn't gone down the direct payment route yet.
I can no longer pay more than just my maintenance and have got nothing out of being financially generous.
The CMS know about my daughter, but not her special needs; she was only diagnosed with cerebral palsy in the last 2 months. I didn't realise that would make a difference to my payments?
@dpollard76 yes this is mentioned as special expense:
- costs to support children who live with you if they have a disability or a long-term illness
https://www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/other-financial-commitments-child-maintenance-cases#:~:text=These%20are%20called%2 0'special%20expenses,or%20a%20long%2Dterm%20illness
It may well be worth considering opening a CMS case yourself (oneoff fee - used to be £20), and then making clear to your ex that you pay no more than that. The only issue you may face is your ex telling your son that he can't do certain activities because you won't pay for them, but that's a problem you alway face if you don't pay what she wants in any case.
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