Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hello,
First post on here and really happy I've come across this forum, anyone's experience would be really great on this matter.
A back story.
Me and my partner broke up 5 years ago, since we've not really been amicable together as she has constantly invaded my personal life due to being bitter, I've never reacted but she has certainly broken the barrier by coercing my family into believing her lies what she tells about me such not being supportive and refusing to have my son (which has never happened).
I've always been there for my child (8 years old) and paid my fair share which on average is around £300 a month with no complaints, outside of that over the years she's demanded more money and even down to paying her wages for a weekend because she had to have time off, if I didn't comply she would stop access (or threaten too) and I would submit to it because I don't want time away from my child, emotional abuse at best.
The abuse is constant, I've never reported it and instead tried to limit the communication so it's purely down to the wellbeing of the child, strictly no phone calls and everything on WhatsApp so it's recorded as evidence when needed. But it seems if things don't go her way, all [censored] is out and I'm threatened with not seeing my son, words such "C**t", "low-life" and more. Whenever I speak to my child on the phone, it's constant eavesdropping and her talking for them whilst we both can talk without her.
A new method of manipulative behaviour has started since I've been with my new partner of 18 months, we're really settled and building our futures up and my child is a central part of that, we're having another baby (which she demanded to know about) when she first had an inkling that it was happening which resulted in abusive messages to me and my partner with false accusations that my current child will be completely pushed aside because of this which will absolutely never happen.
We're now experiencing difficulties with my Childs behaviour with what they are saying by not wanting to come round even though there has been a solid private arrangement which has lasted over 5 years, it can be clearly seen as a manipulative input from their mother, when speaking to her about this, her reasons for this behaviour are "The baby is a new arrival and the current child can see change is coming". From the offset of her finding out there's going to be a new baby, every issue that has arisen always comes back to the arrival of my new child.
Child Maintenance
A recent threat has been made to say she wanted more money for things as she stated that maintenance will go down when the new baby comes (which is in CMS guidelines), her reaction to this has be abhorrent and made the threat that she will tell CMS that my child doesn't stay with me anymore (which is a lie) and she will opt for the collect and pay method instead as it will cost me more in fees, but she will receive less just out of spite.
I'm really stuck here, broken, fed up and want all this [censored] to end.
What I've stated above is just a smidgen of what she's caused since being in my life, but despite all this bad stuff going, life is on the up.
Just need some help with this, really appreciate it!
Thanks,
Hi,
Sorry to hear what your going through. Very unfair for your relationship to be sabotaged this way. You may want to think about making your private child arrangement into a formal one with a court order.
The court order will also settle any dispute about CMS money. While child is still young, I think it better to act quickly. When child becomes 10-12 years old, their views may harden if child becomes estranged from you for long periods,and will likely become more difficult to go back to original child arrangements.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.