[Solved] Surviving the CSA

I thought children under 16 were now free for swimming however many adults there are - would be worth checking again.

Try contacting your local council and see if there are any facilities that they offer - I take my daughter to a dads-and-kids club on some weekends, paid for by the council and intended to give dads time with their children - not necessarily for divorced families, also intended to give the mum a break. Also try the library to see what activities there are - maybe see if there are any activities that they can do that you can take them to and watch with pride.

Finally, your children are just getting to the age where you can sit down with them and explain that you can't afford to do a lot of things every week, but that you will take them for occasional treats (which will make them more special when they happen)

I know all about poxy flats!

My thinking is that how much money did you have when you were with the kids mother? did you go out every night then? Look at the facts, things are not much different money wise but you have a lot more time on your hands and start to feel pissed off when you have to stay in when you don't have the tie of kids.

Not knowing your complete situation makes this difficult but if you were married when your kids were born then you have just as much parental rights as she does. This surely means that you have a right to care for those kids for 50% of the time. What I have heared is that when there are 2 kids involved then each parent has 1 official residence with them (on paper only), that enables you each to claim child ben, WTC and CTC for that child. You can then agree with the ex to go halves on any essential items for the kids? this does mean that a true 50/50 care plan be in place. I do Tues and Thurs and every other w/end Fri to Mon morn.

Obviously depends on the relationship you have with the ex and if she wont even consider it then you will have to make it a bit of a mission, depends how much you want it.

Because my ex moved her boyfriend in, his income killed all of her CTC and WTC so it actually became more financially viable for me to have both kids residence with me, claim all benefits and give the ex half for the 50% that she has them for! We go halves for school uniforms and other essentials. CSA does not even come into it. Dont get me wrong this is a financial arrangement only - I still loathe the [censored]!!!!

I have 2 part-time jobs each 16hrs which gives me £800 a month then £800 in benefits, I obviously then give her £400. One job is deliveries for a local newspaper which I can do at a time to suit me and the other is a technician in a school which is every morning and I obviously get all the school holidays off. Have a play around with figures on the HMRC website for tax credits.

You need to start looking at how you can alter your life to suit this new situation, I know your ex has put you in the situation but she ain't going to get you out of it!! Do you love your job? could you do something else? could you handle the kids 50% of the time. I know its hard in a 1 bed flat, 1 goes in my bed, 1 on the sofa bed and yep I'm on the floor, so what! Its great waking up with them there.

I consider myself very lucky and I'm not saying its been easy to achieve, I had to use a solicitor for divorce, house, finances etc but sorted the kids out with the ex without any solicitors, it can be done. Good luck.

Hey, there doesn't seem to be many resources interested in assisting absent fathers.

I have been living in my flat for almost two years, I have two children 4 and 5 years old, I pay £180 CSA per month, £275 rent and £55 council tax....I am living in my overdraft and rarely get out for nights out. Other than my overdraft, (which has just been paid as I have, and by the end of the month I will be back into it) I have no other debts.

I am not arguing the point that I shouldn't have to pay to support my children, I love them to bits and spend money on them in addition to the CSA I pay, but i find it difficult to live on what is left after my outgoings. I am getting quite depressed about it, and to be honest I have thought I would be better off on the dole, as a student, or even just hanging myself.

If I was on wages this low (my wage minus the CSA) I would be entitled to tax credits, in real terms, I am living on below minimum wage, when I get my kids, I cannot afford to do much, we go to the park or the pond, if it's raining, we watch TV.

Last month I took them to the zoo, it cost me a bomb, basically that was probably more than I could afford in a single month. I took them to the pictures to see Ice Age 3 in 3D....it cost over £20, they asked if they could go to the cinema the week after, I had to say no, I can't afford to do that every month never mind every week. I live in a poxy flat with no garden, what have I got to offer the kids? When picking the kids up from a house with a garden / trampolene / paddling pool / bikes, etc....how long do you think they're gonna want to come to mine to either go to the park or duck pond yet again.

Money, money, money....I don't need money, I don't want to buy anything, but I need to live, and if I am not able to sustain my own existence on what I have coming in....what's left for my kids? What's left of me for my kids when I am feeling like this?

Before I became an absent father, I didn't have a big opinion on absent fathers. I now realise that there are always differernt circumstances. I didn't leave my kids, my ex wife asked me to leave, she said she didn't have any feelings anymore, fair enough, didn't take her a week or so to have feelings for someone else, she is onto about her third partner since me now, he lives with her, and she is claiming income support, I believe he is working, and she doesn't have to pay rent.

If anyone has any idea of what I can do just to have a basic existence, please let me know, I mean, I know it's free to take the kids swimming, I just have to pay for me, but I'm not allowed to take them if there is just me, apparently you need two adults.

Is this my life for the next 10-15 years?

Hello,

Just had a read of your post, are you currently struggling with your debts? If so, the CCCS are a free independent charity. We would be able to help you put together a detailed financial statement and look at all your options with you.

If you would like an appointment to discuss this, you could call our helpline free on 0800 138 1111.

What area do you live in? If I see any cheap days out on the internet for children I will keep you posted!

Sarah