Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi guys,
Just curious anybody in same position i woke up today on my weekend off with my ex texting "Put sons money in early please because I'm on holiday with him and running out of funds" this make me stressed already because I set up a standing order for every Monday I prefer a fixed day so I can organise my finances so I just said will be in Monday.
She then had a massive go at me and said "Put it in soon as possible its not like you even bothered to pay pocket money" and I just replied well its not my holiday I tend to give him money of im away with him.
Ended up paying maintenance early just to get her off my back but she's so cold when it comes to money (she's bipolar) and bad at managing money but now feel stressed and lost my appetite,how do I resolve this issue as I don't want to be put on the spot regarding maintenance but want to get on with her
Sounds like your ex behaves like quite a few do. The only way I ever managed to reduce the stress that I felt when I constantly got those messages was to: remove read receipts, so that 5 mins later I didn’t get ‘why have you not answered yet’, ignored them and say that I just hadn’t had time to read it and stick to paying what you have to when you have to. Don’t rise to it, as you probably find that as soon as you do answer, it creates tension and argument and so best to just not answer or defer it. In terms of your own stress the fact that she can’t manage her budgets is not your fault, unless it is affecting your son and so don’t feel that you have to take responsibility for it.
Cheers mate,
Just feel so angry and down all weekend its like everytime she gets at me its ruins my time when I'm supposed to be having fun and living my best life.
By time im mentally better im back at work and a whole weekends been ruined it feels like,tempted to go airplane mode every weekend I am child free ha
@jeremymeeks1 This is all normal if I told you 18 months later I'm gone from receiving 30/40 WhatsApp a month to 1 if that, How by not playing their silly mind games. Don't beg me wrong for 8 months I was a wreck could not sleep eat etc my health was shot. I get the hard shoulder my x has not posted shown anything about the children for over 6 months because I'm not giving her what she wants and driving me into further debit.
Just pay CMS and nothing else kids Birthday or glasses for reading that's it!
Most stressful bit for me is when she's saying hurry up your son is literally waiting for the payment to go through or he can't play crazy golf at the beach catching me of guard on my weekend off when I have set up a S.O every Monday £60 pw
She prefers weekly so I may just say if she carrys on like this I will just pay monthly and if she's nice to me and is not difficult with contact I will pay fixed weekly see if that works
@jeremymeeks1Yes it's difficult but x has to manage your not a piggy bank your run yourself into debit before you blink, it's difficult aware of but hay your x could not care if your living off (0) running up debit eating beans on toast. Stay with it long term go through CMS and pay no more. in the end your better off for me in years down the line i will let them find me if they want the truth always comes to the fore.
It can be stressful. I am the same every time I drop my kids off. I am waiting for a message from her about some new allegation or why one of them has a tiny scratch on their leg or something. It is impossible to switch off.
She should not be having a pop at you for not giving them pocket money for their holiday, you pay her maintenance and that is enough. Some women just can't seem to stop bossing people around even after a relationship has ended.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.