[Solved] Splitting up need advice re child maintenance.

Hi there

Splitting up is so difficult on many levels and the financial implications can create such ill feeling between separating parents, if your wife isn't prepared to make compromises and accept changes to her standard of living then its likely to be hard going.

Have you done the CMS calculation to see how much you would be expected to pay if you were to stick to the guidelines? It might be a good idea to do that and see where it leaves you.

www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

Hi Thanks for the reply according to the CSA calculator i should pay £938 less any nights i have the kids stating over. So i work that out as £670.

Now i don't want my kids to suffer and want to pay my way but as it stands i cant afford to take them away for a holiday, not even camping. I can afford to do nice things with them on my weekends, which is nice. But i want to have a bit more equality, i just don't want to rock the boat anymore than it currently is!

Has anyone any advice on how to broach the subject without it sounding like i am trying to wriggle out of my responsibilities which i am not. What is the normal situation regarding childcare extra school trips etc, should i pay?

I am more than happy to have my kids more often than 2 nights a week, not to reduce my payments but because i miss them especially at night and breakfast, i have changed my working pattern so i can pick them up from school most days but then act like a babysitter till my wife returns from work. Then i have to leave unless we have evening clubs etc. But i am made to feel that i should be doing more.

It's not that she isn't willing to compromise i just dont know how to approach the subject! Without the ensuing argument which we have had plenty of.

Rgds

Hi

With regards to Child maintenance they take into consideration a few things

1) they work out what you should be paying from your Gross annual salary ( your last P60 )
2) they take into consideration if you are paying into a pension
3) how many nights a year you will have your children,more than 52 will give you a reduction

After they calculate what your weekly amount is you should be paying I do believe that any extras are entirely up to you but make sure any extras are paid through your bank or have receipts so that you have proof if ever it went sour.

The only advice I can give is talk to Child Maintenance Service,i found them to be so helpful and understanding and had my case set up within 4 weeks.

I personally think that you are contributing fantastically as it is and in no way do I think you are trying to wriggle out of your responsibilities,its great that you want to contribute more but at the end of the day you need to leave yourself money to live off and buy everyday things to survive. You are doing more than enough and that's a good thing so you should not be made to feel that you need to do more.

I hope this helps even in a little bit of a way,i am no expert at all though but having a Child Maintenance case set up recently I have learnt what they look into.

... Perhaps it might be a good idea to work out how much each of you have coming in ( including her receipt of chid benefit/tax credits) and then the whole household expenditure (including the child care costs) so that you can see a fair split of the finances. From what you say you are on more or less an equal footing as far as income is concerned.

Do the sums so that when you come to discuss the situation, you have all the figures to hand. Once she sees the amount she's entitled to, sticking strictly to the guidelines, and then the amount you are prepared to pay ( which I'm sure would be more) she may be more amenable to accepting the situation. Rather than looking at what you each pay separately, look at it as a whole instead of getting bogged down in who pays what. Perhaps open a bank account that you each pay a certain amount into, to cover all expenditure for house and children.

As far as how to approach this discussion, there is no easy way but if you come across as wanting to put the children first and place their best interests at the centre of things then it should be easier to keep it amicable. If she's an intelligent and fair minded person she should accept that you too need to move forward with your life and to have a decent standard of living. It's important that you are able to provide the children with a quality of life when they spend time with you.

Might be worth looking at this:

http://dadinfo.splittingup-putkidsfirst.org.uk/home

Hi splitingup

Thank you for your post. I am William the Child Maintenance Options consultant. I will provide some information that may help answer your query.

Child maintenance is a contribution towards the cost of bringing up a child and this includes not only such items as food and clothing but also it is a contribution towards the home that the child lives in and the associated costs of running that home. You can find more information on what child maintenance covers on our website at http://www.cmoptions.org/en/maintenance/index.asp.

In terms of the ways that child maintenance can be put in place, there are a number of options available to parents. From what you have written, it suggests that you may have a family-based arrangement in place with your wife. With this type of agreement, there are no strict rules to stick to. Therefore, both you and your wife have the freedom to decide the terms of your own arrangement, such as what your child maintenance will cover. The main thing is that both of you are in agreement and your arrangement remains amicable.

A family-based arrangement does not always need to be about money although many parents do include regular financial contributions. Your arrangement can include other kinds of support, such as you contributing towards your children’s childcare costs or, paying your wife’s household bills. Although family-based arrangements are not legally-binding, many parents prefer them because of their flexibility and how easy the arrangement can be reviewed, such as if you or your wife’s circumstances change. You can find more information on family-based arrangements on our website at http://www.cmoptions.org/en/family/index.asp.

To help you talk to your wife about a family-based arrangement, you may find our page on talking about child maintenance useful ( http://www.cmoptions.org/en/family/talking.asp). We also have a range of tools and guides on our website which may help you with your negotiation process ( http://www.cmoptions.org/en/toolbox/index.asp). These tools include our discussion guide which you can use to help you plan your conversations around child maintenance. We also have a family-based arrangement form that is not a legally-binding document, but if used to write down what both you and your wife have agreed, it can help to formalise your arrangement.

To give you an indication of how much child maintenance that may be calculated if you were to use the Child Maintenance Service, we have an online calculator on our website at http://www.cmoptions.org/en/calculator/. Both you and your wife can sit down and use this tools to help you work out a figure for your family-based arrangement.

If you are unable to set up a family-based arrangement, you can make an application to the Child Maintenance Service as the paying parent. They work out child maintenance using the paying parent's gross income, which is income before Income Tax and National Insurance are taken off, but after occupational or personal pension scheme contributions are taken away. In most cases this gross income figure comes from information given to HM Revenue & Customs by the paying parent, their employer or a third-party such as an accountant. They also taking into account other factors, such as the number of overnight stays per year the paying parent has the children that maintenance is being paid for. You can find more information on how the Child Maintenance Service works out child maintenance on Gov.uk at https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out/how-the-child-maintenance-service-works-out-child-maintenance.

The Child Maintenance Service uses two schemes: Direct Pay and Collect and Pay. Both schemes are legally-binding and enforceable. Direct Pay is where the Child Maintenance Service will provide both you and your wife with a child maintenance calculation and then allow both of you to decide the payment method. After this, the Child Maintenance Service will make no further contact unless they are informed that payments have stopped or if there is a change in either of your circumstances.

Alternatively, under the Collect and Pay scheme, the Child Maintenance Service will calculate and collect payments from you and then forward them on to your wife. If you decide to use the Child Maintenance Service, your responsibility to pay will be around the point when you are contacted by the Child Maintenance Service.

You may be interested to know that the Government plans to introduce charges for using the Child Maintenance Service at some point in 2014. There will be three types of charges:

• Application fees
• Fees for collecting and paying out child maintenance
• Enforcement charges for paying parents who do not pay

The best way to avoid charges is to set up a family-based arrangement and not use the Child Maintenance Service at all. However, if you and your wife cannot agree an arrangement between yourselves, there will be no collection fees for parents who pay and receive child maintenance using Direct Pay, only application fees.

For parents using the Collect and Pay scheme, the Government plans to charge collection fees to both the paying and receiving parent, this is for collecting and passing on child maintenance payments.

Under the Government’s plans the paying parent would have to pay 20% in addition to the weekly maintenance payment and the receiving parent would have 4% taken away from the weekly maintenance payment.

If you decide to make an application to the Child Maintenance Service, you will need to contact us first either by telephone or email, for your unique reference number. This number is personal to you. It is unique and shows that you have spoken to Child Maintenance Options before applying for a statutory child maintenance arrangement. You can find more information about using the Child Maintenance Service by visiting the Government website Gov.uk at http://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance.

If you feel that none of the above options will work for you, you could consider a Consent Order, or a Minute of Agreement if you live in Scotland. Both of these options are official rulings made by a court. To arrange a Consent Order or a Minute of Agreement, both you and your wife will need to agree how much child maintenance will be paid and how often before going to court. This type of agreement is usually set up when both parents are going to court for other reasons, such as arranging a divorce or dividing assets. Arranging a Consent Order can be costly as fees for solicitors, mediators and court costs may apply.

For more information on the ways to set up child maintenance, please visit our website at http://www.cmoptions.org. Alternatively, you can call us free on 0800 988 0988 between 8am and 8pm Monday to Friday or 9am and 4pm on a Saturday. We have a sorting out separation web-app that you may find useful. It offers help and support to separating and separated families. The link is: www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation.

Regards

William