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Hello, just thought I’d come here to see if any other Dads have experienced anything like the issues that seem to be growing with my contact visits with my daughter recently.
I’ve been through the full Access Case, CSA, Tribunal path over the years, but have had a regular fortnightly overnight visit with my daughter from the age of about 3, she’s now 10, and it’s mostly been amazing. I do live a long distance from her, it’s 200 mile round trip, done twice on a contact weekend, but we spend the time chatting, listening to the radio, and eating, so it’s time for us to chat an talk about things. 90 minutes or so. She does that journey twice, I do it 4 times ...
Over the course of summer holidays, contact pattern has been a little broken. Ex has an older daughter (not mine), and has broken the pattern to take my daughter with her to visit universities on my weekends, this has happened 2 or 3 times now often at short notice. My wife an I have also been away for a week, just once, as we do every year. This said, we’ve still seen her every 2 or 3 weeks regularly, and now she’s back to school, the contact has settled, or should have into the fortnightly pattern. My daughter has a phone we’ve provided, and while contact is sketchy (days without a text reply from her, and phones ‘going missing’) we are in contact during those two weeks.
The problem then is that for the last two visits over the course of 6 weeks (a contact, a broken contact for a ’University visit’, and this weekend just gone), my daughter has been ‘ill’ while with me. Headaches, stomach aches and generally poorly. Naturally this is a concern, primarily that she needs to get better, but secondly that there might be something going on that I’m not aware off.
My wife and I have both talked to her quietly to ask if all is ok at home and school, and she isn’t very forthcoming. Various things, but nothing you’d consider ‘serious’.
My ex and I don’t get on, but on both occasions I’ve sent her an email outlining what has happened, and what we’ve done to help, and this morning I’ve had an email from her implying that it’s my fault, or at least visiting me is the issue. She further suggests that the next visit should be a day-visit!
Without going into huge detail, we’ve long suspected that now she’s out of options legally, my ex’s last option is to try and turn my daughter against me. Illness on visits could be a sign of this.
Has anyone else experienced similar, and what did you do? I’m at a loss as to how to respond to the email I’ve received, I don’t think even for a moment a change of routine is the right thing to do.
Any thoughts greatfully received.
I wouldn't start getting into a to and fro, it would just be pointless with her trying to blame you for things. Is your daughter genuinely ill? Or do you think she is trying to say she is ill to go home?
She was definitely rather warm, but naturally that could be brought on by anxiety/stress. It’s happened on both recent visits, so I’m starting to wonder if there is an underlying issue. We’ve had a fantastic relationship up until now, but this is a big year for her in life terms - her last year in Junior School for example. And don’t worry, I have no intention of getting into a to and fro’, I disengaged with the ex on that level years ago - much to her annoyance.
She went to school this morning fine, so I’m not sure it’s 100% genuine. Hmmm.
It sounds like to me that she is possibly nervous with the changes this year, and that maybe is getting to her. You sound like a great dad, and all you can do is say that you and your wife are there for her.
My daughter said she didn't feel well the other week, and didn't really talk to me or my wife. After a little bit of probing and time (i'm talking an hour max) she came and talked to us and said she missed her mum and started to get very upset. We gave her cuddles and all seemed fine after that. She's 9.
Hmm, sounds very familiar, and really hoping that’s all it is. But with ex’s track record you never know.
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